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Came out to a past girlfriend.

ShawnaLeigh

By ShawnaLeigh,
in Coming Out

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ShawnaLeigh Ruthenium Member

ShawnaLeigh

Posted
Posted

So this was sort of out of the blue.  

We dated when we were 17 and 18 and had plans to go to the same college and marry afterwards.  She was my very "first" if you get my meaning and definitely "thee one" or so I thought.  She broke it off shortly before we were to both head off to college saying we should keep our options open heading into a new stage of our lives.   It was beyond crushing and I was terribly heartbroken.  I joined the USAF a week late and ran away from my life trying to just start a new.

In 2008 we reconnected on Facebook and chatted a while about how life had been and our marriages our kids and our divorces.  I was with my current wife but not married to her yet as things were good between us but not great.  It was a very suggestive reconnection with my ex-girlfriend and I came close to giving everything up to go back to her.  But I didn't.  I could not cheat on anyone.  It was a terrible thing to have done to me by a previous wife and vowed never to hurt anyone like that ever.  I have never cheated on anyone ever.  I am to honorable and proud of myself to do so.

Ok fast forward to a couple days ago. 

I'm browsing Facebook and I comment on one of her pictures of her daughter.  Her daughter is every bit as beautiful as she is and I made mention of that but did not think much of it.  Just being nice to an old friend sort of thing.

She starts messaging me an hour later and we "chatted" for a bit but I started to get that "feeling" again.  Which I can safely call "women's intuition".  It felt very wrong chatting with my ex with my wife sitting right next to me.  Although our marriage end is all but planned out and we are technically separated I still am married to her and love her.  I even hold some hope it will remain.

But the temptations were massive.  I mean she was "my one"...

So I decide to come out to her spur of the moment.  I told her all about me and what has been going on thinking it might sway her from what feelings and vibes she was sending me.

It did not and actually she was well versed in transgender folks and LGBT and extremely accepting and supportive.  We chatted few 3 hours afterwards.   It did feel nice to have another supporter in my corner but this is happening at a bad time.  I certainly know I can not act on any of my feelings but I have not felt this much temptation and desire since, well, 2008 when we reconnect then.  LOL.

So a win by gaining a supporter but with a sticky and messy situation I do not need to deal with at this time.

Yea life is not hard enough but I get a wrench thrown in for good measure.

 

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Jackie C. Palladium Member

Jackie C.

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I'm not sure I'd interpret it romantically. The two of you could grow to be good friends. Sometimes when old friends chat, they talk for a while. Besides, there's no urgency. There's no reason not to get to know each other again after all this time.

 

You've mentioned before that you fall in love easily. I completely get that impulse. I've always worn my heart on my sleeve, but the time's not right and, unless there was more than you've said, there's no real indication she feels the same way. She could easily just want to be one of your supportive friends.

 

If something eventually grows out of it, great, but in the meantime stay true to your vows and faithful to your wife. There's no... fine, there are certainly reasons, but they're not good reasons... to jump into something new before your relationship with your wife is done. In the meantime, enjoy the rush of feeling wanted.

 

Hugs!

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ShawnaLeigh Ruthenium Member

ShawnaLeigh

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37 minutes ago, Jackie C. said:

I'm not sure I'd interpret it romantically. The two of you could grow to be good friends. Sometimes when old friends chat, they talk for a while. Besides, there's no urgency. There's no reason not to get to know each other again after all this time.

 

You've mentioned before that you fall in love easily. I completely get that impulse. I've always worn my heart on my sleeve, but the time's not right and, unless there was more than you've said, there's no real indication she feels the same way. She could easily just want to be one of your supportive friends.

 

If something eventually grows out of it, great, but in the meantime stay true to your vows and faithful to your wife. There's no... fine, there are certainly reasons, but they're not good reasons... to jump into something new before your relationship with your wife is done. In the meantime, enjoy the rush of feeling wanted.

 

Hugs!

I totally agree.  I have no intensions of acting on my attraction or desire regardless of where I am in my marriage.

Like I mentioned.  I have never cheated and will not now.

But it was just the whole situation that through me for a loop...

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Jackie C. Palladium Member

Jackie C.

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It's NICE to feel wanted. I think we all want to feel attractive and desirable. Women need the emotional connection more than men do. My therapist and I were talking about what makes a person cheat. For men is was basically, "Opportunity and (perceived) low risk of repercussions." For women it boiled down to, "Emotional needs are not being met."

 

I treasure every moment where I get a compliment or a smile from a stranger. It lifts me up and propels me through my day. A "Let me help you with that ma'am," can keep me going for a solid week. There are no words. It's just amazing.

 

Hugs!

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ShawnaLeigh Ruthenium Member

ShawnaLeigh

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38 minutes ago, Jackie C. said:

A "Let me help you with that ma'am," can keep me going for a solid week. There are no words. It's just amazing.

I dream of the day when someone says something like that to me.  Seriously.

Living male my whole life I would always offer my assistance to any women I saw that needed it weather my wife was there or not.  My wife loves that I am like this.

(But now its my turn.  hehehe)

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Jackie C. Palladium Member

Jackie C.

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Nah, I'll still help other women. Guys too if it looks like they need a hand. I think that's years of struggling to move heavy and EXPENSIVE equipment carts through doors that weren't designed for wheels. Somebody has a load, I'll help however I can.

 

That doesn't at all mean I don't like being treated like a lady though. Seriously, just being one of the girls is like a dream.

 

Hugs!

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