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By Sally Stone · Posted
Post 9 “The Jersey Years” If it wasn’t for the property taxes, I’d still be living in New Jersey. The state gets such a bad rap but it is actually a beautiful place, with lots to do, and it is extremely trans friendly. Moving to New Jersey was quite uplifting from a trans perspective. Because of my new and very flexible work schedule, I was suddenly getting a lot more time to express my feminine side, and I took every opportunity to do so. Additionally, I became a member of a trans dinner group. It was the perfect way to meet other trans women, and I made quite a few friends. The dinner group was actually a throwback from a time when going out dressed as a woman was still something of a novelty, and it was created as a safe haven for girls that still weren’t comfortable being out in the world by themselves. When the group was formed, it was a necessary resource, but that need waned over the years, and it morphed into more of a social group. It still occasionally served its designed purpose as we often had newcomers just emerging from the closet, but for most of us it was an opportunity to get together and catch up. The move to New Jersey also coincided with an important trans milestone for me. I made the decision to keep my legs shaved. This wasn’t a decision I came to easily. It meant I was going against my wife’s wishes. While she had always been supportive of me, shaving my legs was just a “bridge to far” for her. I honestly believe, that in her mind, dressing like a woman was always a temporary thing, but shaving my legs, well, that was more of a permanent condition, and I think it scared her. To me, shaving was a rite of passage. I had made the decision to be a woman part time, but I wanted something exclusively feminine to signify my inner woman, even when I wasn’t presenting as a woman. Finally, I decided not to wait any longer, and in deference to my wife’s concerns, I started shaving my legs regularly. For the longest time, she remained unhappy about my decision, and while there were times, I thought about giving in just to keep the peace, I stayed the course I had plotted. Over time, my smooth legs became less and less of an issue, and now it’s been ten-years since I last had hair on my legs. Thankfully, my smooth legs are no longer much of a concern for my wife, and now, I can’t imagine ever going back. So, how does a part-time woman who isn’t stealthy by most measures, get along so well in the world? In two words it’s attitude and mannerisms. At one of the Keystone Conferences, I kept noticing another trans woman always staring at me. At the time, I didn’t know her but the attention she was paying me was becoming borderline creepy. Later, while I was sitting at the hotel bar enjoying a cocktail, this same woman took the empty seat next to me. Before I could decide whether to stay or leave, she turned to me, introduced herself, and then apologized for her stares. She went on to tell me she was staring at me because I intrigued her. She told me that of all the people she had met or observed during the conference, I was the most “girly” (her words, not mine). She said if it wasn’t for my height, she’d never have guessed that I was trans, because I had the poise, attitude and mannerisms of a very feminine woman. I met another girl through the dinner group, who was living fulltime and preparing for GRS. She and I became the best of friends, a bond I believe was formed over us both serving in the military. Often, she would comment on how authentic I was. She would always tell me I was so feminine and womanly; I could easily go fulltime. There have been other acquaintances who made similar comments, and the truth is I could probably live my life as a woman without too much trouble. The thing is, I don’t want to. Yes, I thoroughly enjoy being a woman, and when I am, I am quite convincing, but that doesn’t mean I’d be truly happy. If I had never met my wife, and didn’t have two super great kids, and I didn’t enjoy being a guy, perhaps I would have given serious consideration to transitioning. Maybe I’m just selfish, but I want to walk in both worlds, male and female, and I see nothing that should prevent me from doing so. Does my part-time life make me any less a woman. If how much of a woman I am was measured by how much time I spend expressing that part of my personality, then yes, I probably could be considered less of a woman. But it wouldn’t change at all how much of a woman my feminine half is. Her time for self-expression is limited yes, but when she’s out, she’s every bit the woman anyone else is. Hugs, Sally -
By Adrianna Danielle · Posted
Meeting up with a therapist I seen back in 2001.Seen I am better,saw her after being honorable discharged from the Army.I was beaten up and sexually assaulted by a fellow soldier.Nothing was done about it and did report it.It put a toll on me.Was 22 at the time and we did not get along at times,bullied me too. -
By Adrianna Danielle · Posted
Army doing 4 years,I ended up be discharged after my 4 years were up.Another guy in the same unit I was in beat the crap out of me including sexual assaulting me.Nothing was done about it,reported it and it put a toll on me.Had anxiety issues which I did get help and did recover from it -
By April Marie · Posted
Welcome to the forums, Ash! You’ll find lots of information and resources here to help with your journey. Jump in where you feel comfortable. I look forward to learning more about you. -
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By Mealaini · Posted
I've perused a few introductions on here. To say that my situation is unique would be silly, but it is my situation. I have had questions about who I am my whole life. At an early age, I was exposed to traumatic experiences in both the emotional and sexual realm. I've been through many therapies, and over the last year and a half, I finally found a therapist worth her title. After using EMDR, I have been finally able to convince my brain (for the most part) that I am no longer in danger, and am no longer being abused. With some of the worst of my experiences faced and accepted, I have been working with my therapist with Internal Family Systems. I highly recommend the book "No Bad Parts" to get an idea of what IFS is and how it can be used to reunite the fractured internal family. The main idea of the internal family systems theory is that trauma can fracture the Self into different parts - and each part takes on a role that tries to protect the Self. In order to repair these parts, and to bring these wounded parts back so that they can unload their burdens (the traumatic experiences), I have had to learn who they are and how they should fit in within my Self. It is a long and difficult process getting to know these parts. I have been able to work within on a few of the parts, and one of the parts that has shown herself as an important character in my whole Self has been Mealani (Gaelic for Melanie and sounds the same). I've been familiar with this internal part since I was about 10 years old. I am now 55 years old, and I am realizing that she had an important role in my complete Self - a role that has led me to conclude that I have been hiding from my true gender. As of now, I identify as Gender Fluid. My pronouns are He, They, and Them. I have been married for 30 years. I have two kids who are both LGBTQ+ - one is Queer and the other is Transgender. As I have worked through this with my Therapist, I have realized that my kids have been fortunate to have a father who has been accepting of them from the start. I am their biggest supporter and have never questioned their identity. My wife has had a lot of trouble accepting both my kids and their identities. She is doing better now, but it nearly tore us apart. My wife is a devout Catholic, and I have deconstructed my faith and am now a Faithful Atheist who tries to practice Radical Awareness. Coming out as Atheist was another thing that nearly tore us apart. Defining myself as Gender Fluid might just be the last straw. As both of my kids are fully grown, I am not too worried if this ends the relationship because I want my wife to have a complete life with someone who is able to be the person she expects. BUT, I am not ready to break the news to anyone yet. That is why I found this site. I am going to hang out in the chats, ask some questions, learn some things, and make some hard decisions. I thank anyone who reads this. There is so much more to my story, but I am not fully prepared to spill the beans here. ....I am a process, not a fixed thing, and I've come a LONG way to get here today! :) -
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By Justine76 · Posted
I'm AMAB been experimenting with a more feminine presentation for some time as an adult. At first, I'm not sure I was really conscious of it being a desire to look more feminine. I'd buy male skinny jeans and fitted tees, but that didn't feel quite right so I'd cuff the jeans into capris. Then I added an ankle bracelet, which I liked, but it kind of felt like the limit for an ostensibly cis-male in public and even drew surprise from my wife. So, I moved on to trying more things in private and, somewhat to my own surprise, feel really comfortable and sexy adding some platform heels to my capris and donning a more feminine top and wig; I'm older and don't have much hair of my own anymore ;) Make-up is still difficult but I'm practicing when I can. On the first attempt I just looked like some dude from Motley Crue, which could be fine but not what I'm going for day to day :P Not sure exactly how I got here or where it's going. I've had to search my past a bit to speculate why this would be emerging now, in my 40s. I've always been a more effeminate individual; it just bleeds through somehow. I grew up being called '-awesome person-' or 'fairy' constantly, although there was never any question in my mind that I liked girls. In junior high I briefly experimented with applying make-up until a friend convinced me I'd get my butt kicked if anyone from school discovered it (mid 80s). Remembering these things lead me to think I perhaps just buried this aspect of myself for ages in fear. I learned to be masculine and the teasing eventually stopped. I'm still relatively new on my journey, so I'm here to learn and figure myself out more. After lots of reading I suppose I currently identify as transfemme. Haven't come out to anyone yet. I feel like I need more experience and searching to be sure. But I'm definitely having fun along the way! Cheers everyone! -
By Ivy · Posted
Yeah… As an exvangelical in my case. Guess I'll listen to that part of me this time. -
By Willow · Posted
Day was fine at work. The District Manager was there. She actually likes me so everything was fine. Since I was the lowest level person there she had to ask me the questions they ask every time they come. Then apologized for having to ask me. (Yes I answered them correctly). After she left I learned that there was a meeting scheduled with her for May 23rd for the entire management team (4 of us). I’m not certain what that’s about. No sense speculating it’s probably just getting ready for the summer crush. good night 3 am comes early tomorrow. Willow -
By Ashterlin27 · Posted
Hey I'm Ashterlin or Ash for short and I'm from the US I play French horn I also love reading and my favorite book right now is The Tailor's Daughter by Janice Graham my pronouns are He/Him or any Neo I prefer masc terms when being referred to and this is my pronouns page -
By April Marie · Posted
Thank you. It seemed to me when I was driving home that I had a bit more bounce in the rear end over bumps so I'm wondering if the frame was bent. I will have them check it tomorrow morning when the do the appraisal. -
By Abigail Genevieve · Posted
There is just a feeling that this is normal when I wear f clothes. As a biological male I am supposed to, I suppose, experience dysphoria in f clothes. Instead it is reversed. Sometimes there is euphoria about being a girl, but it is because my self-perception is lining up with my self-expression. Clothing is actually secondary. Or third. Secondary is what my body looks like. I am a girl regardless of what I look like. I just am one. As I get used to this I will probably stop talking about it. Most women do not go around announcing they are women all the time. They talk about themselves but the presupposition is that they are women. Never a matter of debate. -
By LittleSam · Posted
Do you feel euphoria when wearing feminine clothes? I'm curious about why you think you are supposed to feel dysphoria in fem clothes. I totally get why you would feel dysphoria with masc clothes. For me what urged my transition forwards was the amount of gender euphoria I got from dressing like a guy , and my dysphoria from wearing anything remotely fem got worse and worse until i get rid of evey fem article in my wardrobe and all my makeup, so I could concentrate on just being me and chasing the euphoria. Dysphoria didn't go away though, because I've been misgendered constantly and it hurts more when dressed in my man clothes . However now I'm on T, my doubts and dysphoria have massively lifted and I'm excited to see the masc changes to my body happening. I do have to learn patience though lol. -
By EasyE · Posted
You're still cool to this Catholic... no worries... ;-)
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