Opinions welcomed

[Daniellesturn]

So I typed up a nice email to send to my parents because they live 15 hours away and I dont see them often anymore and it's hard to find time and place for this type of talk. I feel I just answered most of my questions. Anyway I think I'm just nervous and looking for any reason to not do it. Do you think email is ok as a way to come out. I figure that way they have a chance to process it on their own. I talked myself out of it by saying it needs to be in person but I think the first part answers that part. Thanks for any feedback. Its appreciated 

[Carolyn Marie]

Danielle, for me it depended on who I was coming out to.  Immediate family including siblings it was face to face - I wouldn't have done it any other way.  For other relatives, casual friends, business associates, I did it via e-mail.  I also did face to face with my best and oldest friends, and my co-workers (en-mass).  Best of luck!

 

Carolyn Marie

[tracy_j]

I can see it's not an easy one with the distance. Not seeing you face to face would give there minds opportunity to imagine most anything. Have they any inkling at all about it? How often do you see them? How well did you get on with them in the past? How well do they accept change? Is there any possiblity of using Skype or similar video link so it is more face to face? Even linking in the email to telephone conversations.

 

I can see it's not easy but a lot depends on your individual circumstances for choosing the best option.

 

Good luck!

 

Tracy

 

[Daniellesturn]

2 hours ago, tracy_j said:

I can see it's not an easy one with the distance. Not seeing you face to face would give there minds opportunity to imagine most anything. Have they any inkling at all about it? How often do you see them? How well did you get on with them in the past? How well do they accept change? Is there any possiblity of using Skype or similar video link so it is more face to face? Even linking in the email to telephone conversations.

 

I can see it's not easy but a lot depends on your individual circumstances for choosing the best option.

 

Good luck!

 

Tracy

 

We probably see each other once or twice a year now. We do get along pretty well we still talk on the phone a bit and text. Dont know how well they will accept this kind of change I think the fact that I have kids is gonna be their main hang up, which I understand and my wife and I also worry and talk about that subject as well. So face to face is probably best maybe I'll print what I wrote and let them read it because I know I'll mess up. I'm not a great speaker under pressure.

Thanks for the input ladies

[ShawnaLeigh]

I am a super duper advocate for telling folks you love about this in written format.  Email is the "letters" of our time so yes it is perfectly fine.

Its my opinion that this is a very hard topics to talk about verbally and that when done that way you can not get everything out you need to say, you get interrupted by questions, and get off on tangents and forget half of what you meant to say. Then there is the every present emotional factor too.  Crying does not help to communicate something this big.

Letters also avoid the fear of facial expressions too when telling someone.  That alone can freeze you up.  Me anyways I'm so dang sensitive even before HRT.
I took days to write a very long "letter" and came right out and told the in the first paragraph that I was transgender and then went on to explain how, why, what ,and where it all happened to me and how I hid it for years, etc. etc. etc.

I then tweaked it to personalize it for each person there after but the frame of it was the same.

I have saved each email chain and plan to go over them much later in my transition to remind myself of where I was and where I am now.

Every person I sent it too was a mountain of fear still waiting for them to reply or not.

To date everyone except my mother has fully accepted me.

I'm well over 400 hundred people as of yesterday.  That's like the entire world to me.  LOL

 

[Daniellesturn]

On 3/4/2020 at 6:45 AM, ShawnaLeigh said:

I am a super duper advocate for telling folks you love about this in written format.  Email is the "letters" of our time so yes it is perfectly fine.

Its my opinion that this is a very hard topics to talk about verbally and that when done that way you can not get everything out you need to say, you get interrupted by questions, and get off on tangents and forget half of what you meant to say. Then there is the every present emotional factor too.  Crying does not help to communicate something this big.

Letters also avoid the fear of facial expressions too when telling someone.  That alone can freeze you up.  Me anyways I'm so dang sensitive even before HRT.
I took days to write a very long "letter" and came right out and told the in the first paragraph that I was transgender and then went on to explain how, why, what ,and where it all happened to me and how I hid it for years, etc. etc. etc.

I then tweaked it to personalize it for each person there after but the frame of it was the same.

I have saved each email chain and plan to go over them much later in my transition to remind myself of where I was and where I am now.

Every person I sent it too was a mountain of fear still waiting for them to reply or not.

To date everyone except my mother has fully accepted me.

I'm well over 400 hundred people as of yesterday.  That's like the entire world to me.  LOL

 

I sent it a couple minutes ago, I didnt know my heart could beat this hard. Hopefully it all goes well

 

[Daniellesturn]

It went better than I could have imagined. Thanks for listening and offering advice.

 

[MetaLicious]

45 minutes ago, Daniellesturn said:

It went better than I could have imagined. Thanks for listening and offering advice.

That's great, Danielle!  I know it can be very scary - after all, we're literally putting our true selves out to be scrutinized and judged.  I am happy for you that things went better than expected.

[ShawnaLeigh]

YES!!!

Now roll with it and get you some more positives!   Everybody loves a win!

[Erikka]

Congratulations. It is always such a crap shoot when you come out. There are the ones you expect complete rejection from and then they welcome you as the person you know yourself to be and then there are those you expect to accept fully your announcement that instead turn their back to you and even some of those with time, will come around. Be strong, you know who you are.

[Traci Lynn]

Hello and welcome. We have simular circumstances, my family live about 13 hours away. I had the same quandary as you did. Tell them face to face, email or write them, or call and have a personal if ackward and emotional conversation. Face to face seemed my last choice, distance, time, and too much time to procrastinate or talk myself out of it. Email or a letter seemed a great way to go for me, but in the end I thought its to important and they deserved to hear it from me. So I picked up the phone, it was every bit as ackward and hard having that conversation as I imagined. In the end i am glad I did, they could hear the emotion in my voice and I theirs, they knew this was who I am and accepted me. I dont know if there is a best way, but whichever you choose will be whats best for you. Afterwards, things get much better. Owning who you are is a liberating and confidence building event in anyones life. Best of luck.

Hugs Traci lynn

[Wichita]

On 3/5/2020 at 9:24 AM, Daniellesturn said:

I sent it a couple minutes ago, I didnt know my heart could beat this hard. Hopefully it all goes well

 

I’m a member of the racing heart club, too, as of last Saturday.  
 

Deep breaths!

[Wichita]

37 minutes ago, Wichita said:

I’m a member of the racing heart club, too, as of last Saturday.  
 

Deep breaths!

Whoops...I posted before I got to the end.  Congrats.