Libido

[Jackie C.]

Oh my goddess yes. I'm actually frustrated that once I get everything humming, my partner orgasms and I'm left wanting more. Maybe round two or three. Once I get going I don't want to stop. Ever.

 

Part of that is that I'm swimming in girl juice from my HRT and she's post menopause (and post breast-cancer so HRT for her is out of the question, I worry about her future health). Part of it is that she's getting used to my hardware upgrade. Even so, I've joked that she's turned into the guy in our relationship. "Thanks for the Big O sweetie. I'm going to go work on the truck."

 

Hugs!

[Susan R]

29 minutes ago, Jackie C. said:

Part of it is that she's getting used to my hardware upgrade.

Looking forward to this! Hope mine is as effective.

[NB Adult]

My former male libido long since passed away after years of none to very miscule amounts of testosterone, however a new dynamic surfaced with the onset of emotions that hadn't formerly been present or perhaps masked and hidden previously. With emotions came the need to be close, warm and snuggly. Interestingly enough the prostate, which corresponds to the female G-spot remains even post-op and is the source of the best orgasms when one takes their time with their partner and doesn't rush it as in former days and most importantly mutual love has to be part of the mix.

[claire1000]

When things changed after about a year my partner said to me be happy everything is lining up. I looked at her some what confused she looked at me and said your mind, and your body are finally falling into the full female spectrum, you are finally becoming who you always knew you were. After a few more weeks after a wonderful evening just snuggling together I just started sobbing like there was no tomorrow, my partner said just like a girl.

[Tori M]

What Main in Bedlam and Erikka said!  It's going to change.  Your skin and entire body is going to become much more sensitive, your climax is going to be a whole body experience, and it will be more mental and much more satisfying.  Pictures might become less stimulating while text will become more stimulating (so read something hot!).  That was my experience.

[KayC]

On 3/25/2020 at 10:46 PM, Chloé Rei said:

I want a libido, but I want to be who I really am more than anything

Hi Chloe.  Thank you for asking this question.  Lots of great information here.

I have not started HRT yet, but had similar concerns if I would lose my libido.  Seemed a bit scary to think of that because I have been "emotionally attached" to my libido most of my life .. hah! whatever that is!

But, my libido has not done me any favors either.  Its tended to interfere in my relationships, specially with my wife who's had virtually Zero libido for the last 25+ years.  Now, maybe we could be more on the same level.
I think somebody told me on this forum before, "if you don't have a libido, you don't really miss it .. that's the point".  So I guess I will have to wait and see,  but I agree with your point about "be who I really am". 

Some of the side benefits of the new climax sound good too ?

Maybe somebody here could answer this.  I currently use viagra .. libido is there, but the plumbing is a little rusty.  Can you use viagra on HRT?  if so, does it still work?  Just wondering ?

[Jackie C.]

1 hour ago, KayC said:

Maybe somebody here could answer this.  I currently use viagra .. libido is there, but the plumbing is a little rusty.  Can you use viagra on HRT?  if so, does it still work?  Just wondering

 

I'd ask my endo to be sure, but I wouldn't. I never lost my ability to have erections on HRT though. It's important that you get stimulation regularly so that the nerves in your clitoris develop properly before GCS if you choose to go that route. It was equally important to me that my "unit" stay asleep while I was tucked and trying to go about my day. Especially at the gym. Any stirrings down there and I was absolutely mortified. Fortunately, I've got a good gaffe... which I really have no use for anymore. I should do something with those.

 

While my libido is different now, I still enjoy pleasuring my partner and reaching climax. There's really no way of predicting what your body is going to do on HRT. Lots of ladies report no change in sex drive because they feel so much more comfortable in their bodies. As they say, your mileage may vary.

 

Hugs!

[KayC]

28 minutes ago, Jackie C. said:

Lots of ladies report no change in sex drive because they feel so much more comfortable in their bodies. As they say, your mileage may vary.

Thank you, Jackie.  I always enjoy hearing your experiences and what you have to say.

[JanePlain]

After my orchiectomy my testosterone levels went to near zero.  Out of normal female range.  I complained about lack of libido and my endo mentioned the low testosterone.  I thought "Isin't that the point?" and wasn't thinking how the balance works for females.  Anyway I have a T gell that I use and wow... Its not just libido its energy as well.  Have you ever had the thing where you don't know what your missing until it comes back?  Not being sexual and even avoiding it seemed so normal.  After I got my libido back I had been on HRT long enough for some serious rewiring and sexual climax became a very different thing.  It takes a little more effort to achieve (so now my wife is not at the mercy of the issues with most men of them climaxing before them (And rolling over and sleeping)  so She is quite pleased which has been a huge relief.  I think unlike what I worried about its her worrying I will think she is "weird" for being into the changing me.   Like being into my undies and hosery.  Problems like this?  Make things so much better.

 

The changes in sexual wiring are confiming things I never got.  I now understand that frantic "don't stop (or change) doing what your doing!!!"  And please stop talking!  The only problem is I think I'm just getting used to my new wiring so everything takes extra time.  Again this is a good thing because my wife has been having a second climax when I'm still working on one.. *So someday I hope to test out this not having a refactory period. Another benefit of transition...  But I didn't really say the best which is climax after HRT for around a year is at least 100x better.  And even if I don't get to one its still feels pretty good.  *Which I never believed pre transitioning.

 

My wife does like to watch porn.  She tells me it helps her to get warmed up.  Some of the stuff they have? I have to say just puts me off. The BDSM stuff where it gets so violent looking or when its humiliating I just can't watch.  It does make me even happier I turned in the man card.  Well not that there aren't women playing at humiliation and violent looking femdom stuff.

 

Anyway Hope that helps!  I do think we let low to no libido slide because it just feels "normal" but its so much better having one.

 

- Jane

[DragonflyGirl]

My libido is absolutely fine. I just need a partner! ?

[JanePlain]

On 6/2/2020 at 6:21 PM, DragonflyGirl said:

My libido is absolutely fine. I just need a partner! ?

Well my wife wouldn't approve and my car can't cross the atlantic so your on your own!  ?  I just reread my post and I'm thinking that got a bit TMI.  What would have been better to say is that normal female libido and energy require normal levels of estrogen and testosterone.  The goal is not to zero out testosterone or you will miss out on one of the best parts of transition.  I wanted to make comment on addrenal glands.  They do indeed produce some testosterone but I'm informed that this is rarely enough to get  into even the bottom end of female normal range.  And I don't think being near the top of female range is going to have any negative effects.  Anyway this is probably better heard from an endo and not me.  I'm just a patient really pleased with having my first girlgasms after months (a year?) and that its seemed to help with the relationship issues. Which I would guess a lot of people are saying "well duh!" sexless marriage is not high on most peoples list. And yes it does calm you down but... is that the intended goal?  Anyway - TMI Jane over and out.

[ShawnaLeigh]

My libidos left the building with no return time or date.  Though I had used generic form of viagra during those earlier months to achieve “enough” to preform.  
Since then I had lost all function in that department due to my hrt and honestly I had not missed it.  In retrospect I may of been on a larger dose of T blockers then needed since I had zero sexual function but the changes in attitudes from being male went with it too and that was very welcomed.  My female attitude and personality was a far greater gift then the function of my male parts. Jmo

Now I wonder in post-op Orchi how things will “work” for me.  Im still in recovery so I have not encouraged anything in that realm yet.  
Time will tell.  

[Jackie C.]

5 hours ago, ShawnaLeigh said:

Now I wonder in post-op Orchi how things will “work” for me.  Im still in recovery so I have not encouraged anything in that realm yet.  
Time will tell.  

 

My endo says that it takes about two months for your hormones to level out after you change things up. You've got a while yet. You're also going to need to line up an endo in Oregon to continue treatment. Busy busy.

 

I'm still firmly good in the libido department four... has it only been four? Huh... anyway, four months after SRS with just my estradiol, so at least I've got that working for me.

 

Hugs!

[JanePlain]

13 hours ago, ShawnaLeigh said:

My libidos left the building with no return time or date.  Though I had used generic form of viagra during those earlier months to achieve “enough” to preform.  
Since then I had lost all function in that department due to my hrt and honestly I had not missed it.  In retrospect I may of been on a larger dose of T blockers then needed since I had zero sexual function but the changes in attitudes from being male went with it too and that was very welcomed.  My female attitude and personality was a far greater gift then the function of my male parts. Jmo

Now I wonder in post-op Orchi how things will “work” for me.  Im still in recovery so I have not encouraged anything in that realm yet.  
Time will tell.  

I totally relate to the elation of leaving behind the male binary emotions, foggy thinking, man stink etc and all the positives HRT brings and if it was mandated that you must loose libido?  Well I guess most of us would choose that. And as its not "missed" because for me anyway it felt perfectly normal, its easy to say, "who cares?" but... If your in a relationship it won't feel important to the one in transition but for your wife or partnet?  Very important.  And if the relationship is a complicated one with one person in transition and other totalling up the new things she has to deal with I think having a sexless relationship added on top doesn't help.

 

If your worried about adding a small dose of Testosterone I assured it isn't nearly enough to interfer with transition.  At the top end of normal female range 100ng/dL your around half of what is defined as male hypogonadism (Testicular failure) 

 

And the thing I learn more and more about is how much sex has improved after being on HRT.  Its helped a lot in my relationship to face the problem with my -zero libido. 

 

On a little more selfish point.

Its also just such an amazing improvement over male orgasm. The only problem I've found is getting it in my head I'm not limited to one orgasm and getting intimate isn't limited to the 9 minute average for hetrosexual couples! 9 minutes? (I looked it up) and lesbian couples average is 35 to 45 minutes?? with 10% having sex for 2 hours!!! Women with mtf partners can expect a much higher percentage of reaching orgasm.  Anyway that all seems like some positive information to bring to the table with you when you talk about the changes mtf transwomen go through.

 

2 Hours?  Wow...... Count me in for that.

 

Did I mention my wife and I have been watching "The L Word"?  Its led to more then one ahhh... new experience.  And it might be wishful thinking but I really think its making things a lot less weird.

[KayC]

Thank you everybody for your contributions and experiences wrt Libido .. it was one of my ?Concerns? (I guess?) about transitioning and now I see it not only doesn't have to be, but the changes can be a better sexual experience than before.

 

Whoooohooo❣️

[Tori M]

28 minutes ago, KayC said:

Whoooohooo❣️

 

Exactly!  That's another reason I want to get back on HRT.  

[Erikka]

The loss of erections versus better orgasms...no contest.

[Chloé Rei]

My doctor offered me Testosterone or Viagra when I seen them Thursday. I went with the Viagra.

[KayC]

3 hours ago, Chloé Rei said:

My doctor offered me Testosterone or Viagra when I seen them Thursday. I went with the Viagra.

Hi Chloe.  I use Viagra (but I am not on HRT yet).  So I don't have libido issues (other than maybe too much libido), and my understanding and experience is that Viagra does not necessarily boost libido (as I assume testosterone might do), but it does make the "plumbing" work when you're in the mood. 

I asked that question on another forum post whether you could take it while on HRT and if it works ... so sounds like the answer would be "yes"?  If you have a positive experience with it and don't mind sharing?

I do find Viagra REALLY effective for gaining and maintaining ... that part of my anatomy feels like I'm in my 20's again .. boiiinnng! ? Hope you have a good experience with it.

[JanePlain]

On 6/5/2020 at 11:23 PM, KayC said:

Thank you everybody for your contributions and experiences wrt Libido .. it was one of my ?Concerns? (I guess?) about transitioning and now I see it not only doesn't have to be, but the changes can be a better sexual experience than before.

 

Whoooohooo❣️

We tried some new ideas after watching the L word.  Nothing too strange either but ohhh wow.....  Plotting out something sexual is so much better then just "doing it" ala male sexuality.  I really have some dysphoric issues with PIV sex and can't get myself to climax (or even close doing that so erection really isin't important to me.  I guess its probably too much watching the L word but if I'm doing piv sex using a strapon it really makes it exciting.  I think I already mentioned that and I am getting to be way too  TMI but vibrators, tribing or sissoring is all really really great. My wife likes me in tights (Which didn't excite me before but now that I know she is into that?

 

 I think the one thing that makes this great is that transition has made one aspect of our relationship lots better.  I think we get stuck on so many of the negatives and here for once is a positive. 

 

One last comment I saw a youtube video about a wife who at first was angry and said "I didn't sign up to be a lesbian!"  Maybe not but if its works better that way for both of you?  And that is the issue.  I forget the exact words but in a marriage you need three things "a connection, love and intimacy/sex"  Take away one and it makes holding things together very difficult.

[JanePlain]

On 6/6/2020 at 9:15 PM, Chloé Rei said:

My doctor offered me Testosterone or Viagra when I seen them Thursday. I went with the Viagra.

For libido go for the Testosterone.  Get a strapon and then you have both variety and something that never goes flacid too soon!!!  And for what its worth (And to add to my TMI level) Girth is what my wife said makes that purchase a real winner.

[KayC]

5 hours ago, JanePlain said:

piv sex

Had to Google PIV .. haha!  live and learn.

5 hours ago, JanePlain said:

I forget the exact words but in a marriage you need three things "a connection, love and intimacy/sex" 

The itimacy/sex part in our marriage has been a huge disappointment for me.  My wife has pretty much Zero libido.
So the idea of our libidos finally matching was interesting ... specially if mutually shared. 

Not sure what's really going to happen for me on HRT, but I have come to accept that sex will hopefully be the least of my worries ... once I am happy in my own body.

Thanks for the TMI @JanePlain ... for me, it was just right❣️

[Charlize]

I find the relative lack of sexual drive to be a pleasure in itself.  After almost 49 years of marriage the "bloom is off the rose".

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Tori M]

1 hour ago, Charlize said:

I find the relative lack of sexual drive to be a pleasure in itself.

 

True.  Found I have more time to think of other things, haha.  Don't miss the distraction at inopportune times, either.  More awareness and appreciation of non-sexual beauty.

 

2 hours ago, KayC said:

My wife has pretty much Zero libido.
So the idea of our libidos finally matching was interesting ... specially if mutually shared. 

 

Never thought of it from this perspective, but I know that simple snuggling and kissing has a whole lot more meaning and deeper satisfaction without the overbearing drive to get to a goal.

 

8 hours ago, JanePlain said:

I really have some dysphoric issues with PIV sex and can't get myself to climax

 

Familiar.  Also never enjoyed receiving oral; seemed demeaning and selfish somehow, but now it's better, more romantic.  Romance is now sexy.  Funny (and nice) how that all turns around.

[claire1000]

Another thing I have noticed that after a year or so of being on HRT it is usually my partner that is the one who initiates any form of intimacy, I am not talking about the quick kiss or hug but the more intense relations. This has actually been a good thing in our relationship in that she likes to be in control and be the more dominant partner which fits my personality fine, I tend to be the more feminine submissive one in our relationship, and not having to be the one who is the person pushing things fits me perfectly, after being the one who as a male was expected to be the typical male in my marriage the change to have my partner be in charge is wonderful. Not sure if this is from a reduction of my libido, or my personality but it is a welcome change that I have gotten used to.