My birthday isn't "mine"

[Wes]

I feel kind of attention seeking posting so much, but I feel like I have a lot to share too, so I'm turning 20 on April 12th, my first birthday since coming out (hi aries friends! ♈) Usually when it's getting close my parents will ask what I want to do/if there's anything I want/etc. A few days ago I brought it up since neither of them have yet. My mom said she was "having trouble with it." I asked why and she said it's not my birthday, it's her daughter's. She said my birthday should be when I came out (November), and that really got to me. I'm still in the same body that she pushed out. I'm still the same person, perhaps just more self-accepting and confident. I don't know why she can't see how much happier I am being able to finally be who I really am. My boyfriend (also FtM, on T for a little over 2 years) has been SO supportive! I couldn't ask for a more loving or accepting partner. His mom has MS though, so it's difficult seeing him with all the virus chaos happening. It feels like the social distancing situation makes the whole birthday issue so much more daunting, since I'll have to be at home for most of the day. I really don't know what to expect.

[Jackie C.]

Well, some of us do think of our birthdays as the day we either came out, started HRT or had surgery. Personally, I find that confusing and stick with the one on my birth certificate, but I'm always glad to thank someone who wishes me "Happy Birthday" for a different milestone. Of course this year, my birthday (last week) was kind of a drag because the country is basically closed for the duration. Even so, I managed to do takeout and cheesecake with my wife. Maybe not the most magical of days, but you make do.

 

You might try something similar with your BF. Just with Skype and different food. Being together is more important than making a big deal about it. You should steal what time you can.

 

Hugs!

[VickySGV]

Your mom is going to grieve the loss of her daughter for a while, it is just going to happen and is perfectly normal, but maddening to us. Even you had (or will have) a period when you were/will grieve the loss of your female self but it was at a different time from your mom and dad.  It sounds like your mom does love you and mostly accepts you and the change you have needed to make.  Why don't you and your BF get a cake and ice cream and/or maybe some roses to give to her as a thank you gift and party.  That way it is a new tradition and different take on the grieving process.  I'll bet it would work fine and maybe help her along. 

 

"Thank you mom for giving birth to <old name> who kept me safe and gave me the chance to become Wes who is the real person you gave birth to."

[TommieAnne]

Voicing your feelings isn't seeking attention as far as I can see, Wes. And you've hardly posted "too much." Maybe when you've gone over 5,000 posts, but I don't see any limits on posting.

Don't forget that there are many people sitting quietly alone, suffering through similar issues who will read what you wrote and realize they are not alone.

TA

[Wes]

3 hours ago, VickySGV said:

It sounds like your mom does love you and mostly accepts you and the change you have needed to make.  Why don't you and your BF get a cake and ice cream and/or maybe some roses to give to her as a thank you gift and party.  That way it is a new tradition and different take on the grieving process.  I'll bet it would work fine and maybe help her along. 

 

"Thank you mom for giving birth to <old name> who kept me safe and gave me the chance to become Wes who is the real person you gave birth to."

 

She's made it clear that she doesn't support or accept it, but I really like this idea! Thank you!

[Wes]

1 hour ago, TammyAnne said:

Voicing your feelings isn't seeking attention as far as I can see, Wes. And you've hardly posted "too much." Maybe when you've gone over 5,000 posts, but I don't see any limits on posting.

Don't forget that there are many people sitting quietly alone, suffering through similar issues who will read what you wrote and realize they are not alone.

TA

thank you for saying this ?

[VickySGV]

4 hours ago, Wes said:

I feel kind of attention seeking posting so much,

 

Hey man, look at my number up there, 15446 with  this post. Keep them coming, all too often I feel like no one pays attention to me either, but I have 52 years on you and who listens to an old woman.

[Wes]

7 hours ago, VickySGV said:

 

Hey man, look at my number up there, 15446 with  this post. Keep them coming, all too often I feel like no one pays attention to me either, but I have 52 years on you and who listens to an old woman.

omg thank you for the reassurance. It's just my insecurity talking

[Dana Michelle]

When we were living in the wrong body, we still had lives to live. We are ourselves our whole lives, even for the time when our bodies do not represent our real selves. So I still consider my date of birth to be my birthday.

 

On 3/31/2020 at 10:20 AM, Jackie C. said:

Well, some of us do think of our birthdays as the day we either came out, started HRT or had surgery.

 

In my case, the day I started HRT and my birthday are the same day.

[Moira Arista]

This is a difficult one. I have a more complicated situation. I'm an adopted trans MtF. The date of my actual physical birth was recorded as one thing,  but the day I was received by my adoptive parents was another day two months before the recorded one.