Greetings

[Natasha K]

Greetings

My name is Natasha K.  I am MTF transgender.  I was born and raised in a extremely traditional Roman Catholic family.  My family thinks that it is a sin to be Transgender, or even gay, and would probably disown me if they ever found out about my proclivities.  For this reason, I have not come out to them and don't plan to until its absolutely necessary.  Even when I was very small I knew something was wrong, and couldn't figure out why my sister got to wear and do things that I could not.  I was caught several times wearing my sister's clothes as a child and was punished for it.  As I grew older I pushed all of that deep inside and tried to never let it out again.  As I am sure many of you are aware, the more you try to repress parts of yourself the more they grow; until the desire to break free becomes overwhelming.  I am 21 years old now, currently serving in the US armed Forces in order to acquire the GI bill so I can go to college.  For this reason, I have not come out to anyone except a very dear friend, and I shall have to remain in the closet, as well as wait to begin medically transitioning until my term is over.  I have however, transitioned privately; living as a girl whenever I am home.  Fortunately I have been able to find some consolation in this.  Anyway, I am glad that I found this forum, its encouraging to see a bunch of other folks going through similar things, standing in solidarity with one another, and sharing their experiences.  I hope to learn from you all and maybe make a few friends along the way.  

 

Hugs.

[tracy_j]

Hi Natasha, welcome to Trans Pulse.

You will find lots of like minded people here, some of whom are or have been in the military so may be able to give helpful advice and your early story will be familiar to many.

Please feel free to read around and join in as you feel. You will soon find your feet and greater understanding of your feelings.

 

It's nice to meet you!

 

Tracy

[Susan R]

20 hours ago, Natasha K said:

I have however, transitioned privately; living as a girl whenever I am home.  Fortunately I have been able to find some consolation in this.

Natasha, it’s very nice to meet you and welcome! From reading your post, I can tell you’ve done the research and understand your situation quite well. Knowledge is power and you seem like you’ve got a good handle on things. I didn’t see any mention of it but did you have help with a good gender identity counselor or has your success so far been accomplished all on your own?

I’m happy you have a plan for yourself and it’s working well for you. If you ever need any advice, support, or just someplace to vent, we are all here for that purpose and will do our best to be there.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R?

[Natasha K]

37 minutes ago, Susan R said:

 I didn’t see any mention of it but did you have help with a good gender identity counselor or has your success so far been accomplished all on your own?

 

Honestly, I have not had the opportunity to see a gender identity counselor.  So far I have been on my own.  Although, recently I started talking to a therapist virtually, via text, instant messenger, and some face time chat.  That has been helpful.  Unfortunately, the US Military is not especially friendly to Trans people, and while I don't intend to stay in any longer than I have to, I also cant afford to jeopardize my current position.  As such, I will not be able to see a in person counselor till my term is done.  2 years feels like an eternity away, but I try to keep a positive attitude.  At the very least I can use the two years to master makeup, develop the kind of body that I would like to have through a solid workout routine, and become more comfortable with my femininity overall.

[Sally Stone]

Welcome Natasha,

 

I'd like to begin by thanking you for your service.  I served for 20 years, so I waited a long time before I could express my femininity in a way that was fulfilling and meaningful.  Sounds as though you won't have to wait as long as I did to begin your journey, and it appears that you already know who you are on the inside.  This forum is extremely informative; everyone here has so much wisdom and experience to share.

 

Hugs,

 

Sally  

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Natasha,

Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here!

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf ?

[ShawnaLeigh]

Dang @Susan R you keep saying what I want to.  LOL

 

She covered it well for me too but I will at least say Welcome to TP and I am glad you are here.

 

[Emily michelle]

Welcome Natasha, glad to have you here.

[BrandiBri]

Welcome Natasha. I am glad you are here.

[TommieAnne]

Hi Natasha, you should know that once you are ETS the VA will be a good resource in support of your continued transition. Not at all the same environment as the military.

TA

[Natasha K]

5 hours ago, TammyAnne said:

Hi Natasha, you should know that once you are ETS the VA will be a good resource in support of your continued transition. Not at all the same environment as the military.

TA

Oh, I had no idea.  Thanks for the tip, I will have to look into that more.  Also thank you all for the warm welcomes.

[Jani]

On 4/12/2020 at 5:01 AM, Natasha K said:

Unfortunately, the US Military is not especially friendly to Trans people

Natasha please be careful about staying under cover as you don't want to get booted out and lose your GI benefits.  I know it will be difficult but you are still young and you have a long future in front of you.  Lots of time to achieve your goals and live as your true self.  

 

Two years is not long and it will pass in a flash.  Many of us here have military experience.  It seems to be a path many transgender women have taken in an effort to cope.  A side benefit was the GI Bill, which I benefitted from greatly with my education and first home purchase.  So hang in there and be discrete.

 

Cheers, Jani

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to Trans Pulse, Natasha.  I hope you enjoy the time you spend here.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

[Natasha K]

8 hours ago, Jani said:

Natasha please be careful about staying under cover as you don't want to get booted out and lose your GI benefits.  I know it will be difficult but you are still young and you have a long future in front of you.  Lots of time to achieve your goals and live as your true self.  

 

Two years is not long and it will pass in a flash.  Many of us here have military experience.  It seems to be a path many transgender women have taken in an effort to cope.  A side benefit was the GI Bill, which I benefitted from greatly with my education and first home purchase.  So hang in there and be discrete.

 

Cheers, Jani

Thanks for the encouragement and advice.  I definitely work very hard to keep things under wraps.  Thats one of the reasons I have stayed away from military psychologists as well as any in person counseling.  I have, however, talked to the chaplain a couple of times, and hes been super awesome and very understanding.  Ive only come out to a very close friend at this point and thats pretty much it.  Sometimes it feels dishonest, more to myself than anyone else, to be living what amounts to a lie, and that can get me down from time to time, but I cant afford to ruin my life by coming out while in the military.

 

  I originally joined the military exclusively for the GI Bill in the first place, so I do not intend to jeopardize my education after coming so far. I do find it somewhat therapeutic, to just even have the opportunity to talk to people who are, or have been, in similar situations to myself.  Nobody really understands what its like to be transgender, except other trans people.  

[Jani]

@Natasha K do your best to maintain sanity.   We're alway open when you want to talk or read about others journey for inspiration.

 

Cheers, Jani

[TommieAnne]

1 hour ago, Natasha K said:

Thanks for the encouragement and advice.  I definitely work very hard to keep things under wraps.  Thats one of the reasons I have stayed away from military psychologists as well as any in person counseling.  I have, however, talked to the chaplain a couple of times, and hes been super awesome and very understanding.  Ive only come out to a very close friend at this point and thats pretty much it.  Sometimes it feels dishonest, more to myself than anyone else, to be living what amounts to a lie, and that can get me down from time to time, but I cant afford to ruin my life by coming out while in the military.

 

  I originally joined the military exclusively for the GI Bill in the first place, so I do not intend to jeopardize my education after coming so far. I do find it somewhat therapeutic, to just even have the opportunity to talk to people who are, or have been, in similar situations to myself.  Nobody really understands what its like to be transgender, except other trans people.  

While talking to a Chaplain gives you the only opportunity for confidential communication, even that is not totally secure. Doctors, medical staff, IG or JAG personnel offer no confidentiality, and their reports are accessible to the command.

A chaplains notes can be reviewed by command under some circumstances, which is why the best-hearted chaplains don't take notes.

You hang in there. Don't be afraid to check in with questions or to talk.

PS the Chaplains Office is authorized a complete set of Regulations. I have used those in the past to set commanders straight when there was a problem.

TA

[Traci Lynn]

On 4/12/2020 at 2:13 AM, Natasha K said:

Greetings

My name is Natasha K.  I am MTF transgender.  I was born and raised in a extremely traditional Roman Catholic family.  My family thinks that it is a sin to be Transgender, or even gay, and would probably disown me if they ever found out about my proclivities.  For this reason, I have not come out to them and don't plan to until its absolutely necessary.  Even when I was very small I knew something was wrong, and couldn't figure out why my sister got to wear and do things that I could not.  I was caught several times wearing my sister's clothes as a child and was punished for it.  As I grew older I pushed all of that deep inside and tried to never let it out again.  As I am sure many of you are aware, the more you try to repress parts of yourself the more they grow; until the desire to break free becomes overwhelming.  I am 21 years old now, currently serving in the US armed Forces in order to acquire the GI bill so I can go to college.  For this reason, I have not come out to anyone except a very dear friend, and I shall have to remain in the closet, as well as wait to begin medically transitioning until my term is over.  I have however, transitioned privately; living as a girl whenever I am home.  Fortunately I have been able to find some consolation in this.  Anyway, I am glad that I found this forum, its encouraging to see a bunch of other folks going through similar things, standing in solidarity with one another, and sharing their experiences.  I hope to learn from you all and maybe make a few friends along the way.  

 

Hugs.

Welcome and wishing you the best, the military has never been friendly or fair when it comes to transgender people or anyone in the lgbt community. With the exception of the few years of president Obamas executive order, which is seriously being replaced by the current administration new policy, I should say ban. Its nothing more than dont ask dont tell all over again. Hopefully they will not be able to affect change to medical insurance, at least your HRT meds will be covered once you leave service, thank you by the way for serving, I wish the best for you. Retired Army SFC Traci Lynn

[Natasha K]

I don't really have an outlet, other than living my private life as a female.  I basically live two completely different and almost entirely separate lives every single day.  It can become quite vexing at times honestly, feeling like I cant be my authentic self.  I'm sure many of you can relate.  

 

The support and solidarity that seems to reside here has honestly just been awesome.  Just knowing that one is not alone in the struggle has been comforting.  So thank you guys.

 

[Traci Lynn]

Smile, and please its thank you girls!

[Natasha K]

40 minutes ago, Traci Lynn said:

Smile, and please its thank you girls!

My bad, I meant guys as in the gender neutral, generalization for a group of people.  But, I shall refrain from using that generalization in the future.

[TommieAnne]

13 hours ago, Natasha K said:

I don't really have an outlet, other than living my private life as a female.  I basically live two completely different and almost entirely separate lives every single day.  It can become quite vexing at times honestly, feeling like I cant be my authentic self.  I'm sure many of you can relate.  

 

The support and solidarity that seems to reside here has honestly just been awesome.  Just knowing that one is not alone in the struggle has been comforting.  So thank you guys.

 

The guys thing, I seem to recall using that as a generic for people in the Army.

At the close of my first trans group therapy session as I was leaving, I turned and said "see you guys next time". Then there was this awkward silence while I stammered trying to think of what to say. Finally came out with "ladies, I mean."

But I can assure you that you are not alone. You hang in there young lady, don't be afraid to reach out if you have a question or a problem.

TA

[Traci Lynn]

My apologies, I didnt mean to infer you said guys in a negative way. I am still adjusting to pronouns, and trying to fumble my way though the adjustment. I wish you only the best!

[MetaLicious]

Welcome to our cozy slice of the internet, @Natasha K!  Always nice to have more company, especially right now...

On 4/13/2020 at 6:26 PM, Natasha K said:

Nobody really understands what its like to be transgender, except other trans people.  

You are so right on this - It's why I joined in the first place.  Even those cis-folk who try their best never seem to fully grok what kind of struggle we live with.

 

As for your use of "guys", don't worry.  We have guy-guys as well as gal-guys here, and I don't think anyone truly took offense.

[BrandiBri]

I guess it all comes down to peoples perceptions. I catch myself saying things like "you guys have a good day" to the ladies that come through my line at work. No problem there. I think that cisgender women don't think anything of it. I can understand how it is a big deal for transgender ladies. just my thoughts on the subject.

[Natasha K]

7 hours ago, BrandiBri said:

I guess it all comes down to peoples perceptions. I catch myself saying things like "you guys have a good day" to the ladies that come through my line at work. No problem there. I think that cisgender women don't think anything of it. I can understand how it is a big deal for transgender ladies. just my thoughts on the subject.

I can also see why it can sometimes be a bigger deal to Trans girls than cis ones.  Especially considering how much work most trans people have to go through just for others to respect their identity and see them as valid in the first place.