Whats in a name?

[Traci Lynn]

Hello and thanks for reading my question. 

 

My dead name was Tracyee Lynn, I went by Trace all my life as I hated my name. Yes thanks Mom for giving your son not just one, but two androgenous names. Upon starting transition, I decided to change the spelling but embrace my name.

For me transitioning meant learning and accepting my new pronouns, at group support meeting I always introduce myself as Traci, and give the pronouns he becoming she. I just came out to my family, they live far from me. But after telling them about my transition I realized that I am not he becoming she. He is gone, there is only she. No matter what stage of transition she is in. 

So that made me think more, maybe she needs a new birth name and not a vestage from his. Does anyone have an opinion about that line of comptemplation, or do you think reinventing and embracing a name I never liked as a man may be fitting now?

[DeeDee]

Names are definitely highly personal.  Some change completely, others do not, but there is no right or wrong way to do it - I assume at some point we've all read reports of what some celebrity has named their child and thought "poor kid". This way you get to choose who you are and what it sounds like, just like any other adult you can legally pick the name that works for you. Though nicknames and shortenings are usually just affected by other people over time. I knew someone who I'll say was called Allan who spent 7 years of his school life being called "Flossie", even by teachers who just picked it up from the kids.?‍♀️

 

My name was picked by my sister, and has been a long standing nickname, so I emotionally love hearing it, but it comes with the advantage that I wil not need to learn a new signature.

[KathyLauren]

I picked a name that sounded and looked a lot like my old name.  It was easy to learn a new signature, too.  It feels right to me, and is unambiguously feminine.

 

But that is just me.  It is perfectly fine to choose a name that is totally unlike your old name, or that is similar to your old name, or to make up one that is unique to you.  There are few things as personal as a name.

 

Kathy

[ShawnaLeigh]

I was not going to change my dead name at first and admit that was out of sheer laziness and ease for myself and all others so they would not have to get used to a new name.  Shawn is used by both male and female right?

My therapist asked what my new name was in our first appointment and I told him all this above.  He said it is a gender neutral name and is perfectly fine.  He also said that a lot of transgender folks go to a new name due its benefits to solidify a new beginning and new self.  I left and considered this. A lot.

So I began running threw all the names I found pretty but none were me.  

I was dead set against going with Shawna as there are quite a few Shawna's in my life.  My wife.s cousin up the road, my best friends wife's name, a girl at work, etc...

So I struggled.

I then was considering the middle name as well.  My birth middle name is a family tradition that all first born sons have.  Andrew.  Im like the 7th but it is not a very feminine name.  I hated to give it up due to the family ties. But it just was not me anymore. 

So I struggled more.

Then one day I looked at my signature and saw I had been writing my female name my whole life as I sign with my first name and middle initial.  Shawn A.  

So I moved the A to the end of my first name and in a way kept a piece of my family tie to the middle name and I felt comfortable with this.

I did however need to change my middle name which I landed on fairly quickly as it is the middle name of my first born daughter.  In sort of the same family tie as mine.

Shawna Leigh sounds so pretty to me and I love the flow and sound of it.

I said it to myself 1000 times that weekend and was so happy.

It was me.

 

 

[Traci Lynn]

41 minutes ago, ShawnaLeigh said:

I was not going to change my dead name at first and admit that was out of sheer laziness and ease for myself and all others so they would not have to get used to a new name.  Shawn is used by both male and female right?

My therapist asked what my new name was in our first appointment and I told him all this above.  He said it is a gender neutral name and is perfectly fine.  He also said that a lot of transgender folks go to a new name due its benefits to solidify a new beginning and new self.  I left and considered this. A lot.

So I began running threw all the names I found pretty but none were me.  

I was dead set against going with Shawna as there are quite a few Shawna's in my life.  My wife.s cousin up the road, my best friends wife's name, a girl at work, etc...

So I struggled.

I then was considering the middle name as well.  My birth middle name is a family tradition that all first born sons have.  Andrew.  Im like the 7th but it is not a very feminine name.  I hated to give it up due to the family ties. But it just was not me anymore. 

So I struggled more.

Then one day I looked at my signature and saw I had been writing my female name my whole life as I sign with my first name and middle initial.  Shawn A.  

So I moved the A to the end of my first name and in a way kept a piece of my family tie to the middle name and I felt comfortable with this.

I did however need to change my middle name which I landed on fairly quickly as it is the middle name of my first born daughter.  In sort of the same family tie as mine.

Shawna Leigh sounds so pretty to me and I love the flow and sound of it.

I said it to myself 1000 times that weekend and was so happy.

It was me.

 

 

Love the story and reasoning for your choice of names, it is a beautiful name. I think perhaps, I may keep my name its kind of fitting now and maybe it was a portent from the beginning that I was always meant to be the woman I am now. Thank you.

[ShawnaLeigh]

28 minutes ago, Traci Lynn said:

Love the story and reasoning for your choice of names, it is a beautiful name. I think perhaps, I may keep my name its kind of fitting now and maybe it was a portent from the beginning that I was always meant to be the woman I am now. Thank you.

I so agree that your name fits and is a beautiful choice made so many years ago by someone who loves you.  

[Traci Lynn]

31 minutes ago, ShawnaLeigh said:

I so agree that your name fits and is a beautiful choice made so many years ago by someone who loves you.  

That is a beautiful sentiment, and so very true. My mind is made up, Traci Lynn. 

That was perhaps the best reply to a question I have ever heard, and the most beautiful. Your so very welcome

[ToniTone]

My name is just a slightly altered feminine version of my deadname:

Tony --> Toni

 

When I started transitioning, I struggled with choosing a name. But nothing felt right except Toni. I've always loved my name, I loved it as Tony when I was still "a guy", and I especially love it now that it's Toni. It's short for Antonia or Antoinette. Very regal! 

 

Funny story, my ma named me Anthony Michael *******. She knew she was going to name me Tony after her lover, but she didn't know what to make my middle name. Anthony Michael Hall was a pretty prolific young actor at the time, so she went with Anthony Michael *not Hall*. 

 

~Toni

[Traci Lynn]

I like it Kelly Sinclair, I decided to keep mine with the spelling change. Traci Lynn instead of Tracyee Lynn. Thanks again Shawna Leigh for the sentiment you passed along.

[ToniTone]

Sorry, I guess I just kinda told my own story instead of respond to your question. 

 

Your name is just that, yours! Nobody but you can determine what you desire to be called. For me, I struggled with my name bc when most people hear Toni they think of Tony, which doesn't help with misgendering. But there are plenty of women with the name Toni. And I love it, no other name feels more right. 

 

I mostly associate the name Traci with women, though it's variations have a history of being gender neutral. But if you associate it to your deadname and that makes you uncomfortable, you have every right to decide on a name that does make you comfortable.

 

~Toni

[Traci Lynn]

Not at all, thats what its all about after getting opinions and hearing others stories. So no apology needed at all dear.

[BrandiBri]

I agree that the choice of a name is personal and that circumstances sometimes have a lot do do with choosing a name. I could just changed the spelling of my then nickname, but my wife always called me by that name. After she died, I found it too hard to hear the name and since I happen to like the name Brandi after playing around with other names, I just felt that Brandi fit.

[ToniTone]

Even though we choose our name, it's almost as if it chooses us, ya know?

[ShawnaLeigh]

2 hours ago, ToniTone said:

Even though we choose our name, it's almost as if it chooses us, ya know?

So true.  That's how you know when you realize this.

Like you have always known it inside and just finding it again.

That's how I felt anyways..

 

[TommieAnne]

My name is an altered version of my birth name. I was inspired by a mailing address label mixup that caused a flood of junk mail with the name wrong. I used to be very annoyed about it, then laughed about it.

Then I changed a few letters and became TammyAnne. (Okay, a few things about me besides letters in my name changed too)

TA

[Charlize]

My wife gave me a new name.  At first it didn't seem to fit.  If someone said "Charlize" i didn't turn around.  Today when someone calls out "Chuck" i barely notice except perhaps to wonder if i might know him.

Time does wonders regardless of the name you choose.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Sally Stone]

Everyone's name picking stories are really interesting and show that we all pick our names in different ways.  How we choose seems to me, to be a lot less important than being happy with the name after we've selected it.  One of the perks of being trans, is that we actually get to choose our own name, as opposed to having one selected for us. 

 

A long time ago, my wife and I hosted a Halloween party, in which I got to dress as a woman.  It marked the first time I ever presented feminine in front of anyone other than my bride.  The party was a great success.  Several of our friends in attendance actually dragged me out to a night club insisting Come along dressed as a woman.  It was, and always will be, a very fond memory.  After the party, many of my co-workers took to calling me Sally, a nickname that actually stuck for a while.  When it was time to pick a feminine name, Sally just seemed appropriate, and over the years, I've grown to adore it.

 

Hugs,

 

Sally  

[Guest]

I don't remember how exactly I chose my name. I am kind of very introverted person. It just came out like in a tin air when I was a kid, around 6-7 years old. "Michelle" in Bulgarian is really androgynous because you write it all the same for men and women - "Мишел". 

 

I just know that it stucked in my mind and it was my own secret, my own pick... 

[Michelle F]

My Mother, God Bless her, named me before I was even born. Michael for boy, Michelle for girl.

 

So, in honor of my Mother, I am Michelle

 

Drop the 'A' add LE you get Me!

 

Michelle!

[michelle_kitten]

44 minutes ago, Michelle F said:

My Mother, God Bless her, named me before I was even born. Michael for boy, Michelle for girl.

 

So, in honor of my Mother, I am Michelle

 

Drop the 'A' add LE you get Me!

 

Michelle!

 

I would have been Michelle Renee as well, if born a girl.  Sadly, i was not born that way, so i got Michael Leo instead.  I never liked the Leo.  Not because it was such a bad name, but because i don't think it works with Michael.  It sounds awkward to me.  So, when i started to transition, i was going to go with Michelle (that's why i am Michelle_Kitten on here).  Then i started thinking.  My parents were cruel to my more feminine side, and rather difficult people.  My mother has narcissistic personality disorder, and my father (who passed away recently) was in prison for some time for child molestation (he didn't molest me).  I spent about 3 or 4  years of my life, when i was around 10 to around 13 or 14 years old, answering to "hey, dip<stuff>" (i think you probably get it).  i eventually decided my parents don't get a say in the real me.  they rejected me a long time ago.  i no longer have to please them in any way.

 

it did not take long for me to chose a name on my own.   I have always loved the name Kimberly.  I have always thought Elise was a super pretty name.  So, I went with Kimberly Elise.  As a total bonus, Kimberly has so many optional nick names, like Kim, Kimmie, Kimber.  My friends online all call me Kimmie, and i actually have to think about it to tell people my actual name (because i haven't changed it officially yet).  Both of my daughters call me Kim, and to my grand daughter who is less than 2 years old, i am grandma Kim.  I answer to Kim, or Kimmie so naturally now.  It is very comfortable.

 

On 4/12/2020 at 9:27 AM, Traci Lynn said:

So that made me think more, maybe she needs a new birth name and not a vestage from his. Does anyone have an opinion about that line of comptemplation, or do you think reinventing and embracing a name I never liked as a man may be fitting now?

 

That depends on you.  I needed that complete change, to break away from the past.  Is Traci what you really want to be?  Is it pretty enough (if that's important to you)?  Is there something you like better?  You totally have a wide world of options.

[Traci Lynn]

I actually like Traci Lynn now, it just feels right.

[BrandiBri]

On 4/17/2020 at 8:56 AM, michelle_kitten said:

I needed that complete change

I too needed a complete change, not that I want to forget the past. I am where I am in life now because of who I was. But I just don't want to be reminded of it every time I hear my name.

 

On 4/15/2020 at 7:56 AM, Sally Stone said:

  One of the perks of being trans, is that we actually get to choose our own name,

That's part of the fun, getting to choose how we identify. It was pointed out to me by a customer where I work that my name doesn't fit the time period when I was born, but hey, I like the name and now since it's legal I'm happy!

[Erikka]

My name choice was a complete make over. I never liked my dead name and I hated my last name because that side of the family were pretty much conservative jerks. The first name was just a continuation of a once used blog name but feminized. My middle name was the Norwegian spelling of Rachel which is the name my mother would have given me had I been a cis born female and to go full on with my predominant ethnicity, I took my mother’s Norwegian maiden name. 
I am waiting for the courts to open up after the shutdown is lifted so I can turn in my petition to the court for name and gender change. 
Here is a question for y’all. I have been spelling my new name Erikka,, but it would be more authentic to spell it Erikke. But I am thinking that it might be too confusing for English speakers as many  people don’t realize that in most Germanic languages all vowels are pronounced and the “e” would be pronounced as an “a”. 

[Amyjay]

Names do go the heart of identity. I do really feel for people who have to endure the former name being used either in error, official communications or sadly to slur. I feel I have always had my name. I was given the name James but during my younger years was usually called Jamie. I recall would often though insist on being called Amy even when 7 or 8 when I was playing with other kids with as in that is "my name in the game". Amy persisted as my preferred name. I just used it like a nickname in high school as a corruption of Jamie, which considering I went to an all boys boarding school, I survived relatively unscathed.

 

So, for me my name is my name and fortunately I do not feel dysphoria at the use of the name I was given but still baulk at having to use it.

[DragonflyGirl]

No idea where I got my name came from. It was my secret name since I was a very small kid. People saw me and saw a boy, but inside was a girl and her name was always Isobel.