Extremely Confused

[Kalvin]

I've been questioning my gender identity for sometime now. I'm AFAB but have recently been considering that I may be FTM. I live in an area that does not have a very big LGBTQ community, so I don't know any other trans guys who possibly felt how I am feeling. The dysphoria fluctuates with the passing days. Some days I feel more male and some days I feel fine with my birth gender. I don't know how I feel about female pronouns, and it makes me feel strange thinking of using male pronouns. I don't know if that's because I am not trans or because I've spent my whole life using female pronouns. Has anyone else dealt with this? I'm attracted to women so sometimes I wonder if I am a confused butch lesbian, because I wear exclusively men's clothing and I bind daily. 

[KathyLauren]

Welcome, Kalvin.
 

Masculine pronouns will feel strange just because you are not used to them.  It doesn’t indicate whether or not you are trans.  Similarly, whom you are attracted to is quite separate from your gender identity, so don’t let that confuse the issue.

 

The fact that you wear exclusively male clothing and that you bind daily are more indicative of being trans.

 

To explore further, I would recommend seeing a gender therapist.

 

Regards,

Kathy

[Kalvin]

2 hours ago, KathyLauren said:

Masculine pronouns will feel strange just because you are not used to them.  It doesn’t indicate whether or not you are trans.  Similarly, whom you are attracted to is quite separate from your gender identity, so don’t let that confuse the issue.

 

 

 

Thank you for this, I wasn't sure why using male pronouns felt so odd. I assumed that most trans men immediately feel normal with male pronouns, but I have been using female pronouns for my entire life so it might be that I just haven't adjusted to it. I also sometimes feel dysphoric when I look in the mirror because I am pre-everything, so all i see is a dumb girl lol Im curious of other trans men felt this way in the beginning

[TTheta]

Hey Kalvin!! 

 

From personal experience, when my friends first used male pronouns on me it felt awkward and not quite right, after a bit of time I came to love every single time the words slipped from their mouths. Even from complete strangers who gendered me correctly. My whole life I had been used to female pronouns so the male ones felt a bit odd, so my advice is to stick it out for a bit and see how you feel. 

 

  

[Luhleleri]

I get the same feelings surrounding pronouns and I'm also questioning! All pronouns sound fine, but being called anything but 'she/her' feels a little, strange, but also comfortable in a way? Luckily I got to try out he/him once because I was playing a male character on stage, so the director said 'he/him' to refer to me as my character. So maybe you could try something like this by joining some forums or discord servers ect. trying new pronouns? That way you don't have to open up to anybody you aren't ready to talk to about hose things yet.

[Kalvin]

On 4/16/2020 at 11:25 PM, Aidan5 said:

Hey Kalvin!! 

 

From personal experience, when my friends first used male pronouns on me it felt awkward and not quite right, after a bit of time I came to love every single time the words slipped from their mouths. Even from complete strangers who gendered me correctly. My whole life I had been used to female pronouns so the male ones felt a bit odd, so my advice is to stick it out for a bit and see how you feel. 

 

  

Thank you for the response! I can deny that it feels good when someone uses my preferred name, albeit it feels odd but I may get used to it. I think the beginning of transition is scary for everyone, because I’ve seen accounts of detransitioners and I’m scared someday I’ll end up like that even if I feel certain now. The leap into transition is terrifying especially if you don’t have supportive people which I don’t so I convince myself I’d be fine to stay as a girl 

[TTheta]

5 hours ago, Kalvin said:

Thank you for the response! I can deny that it feels good when someone uses my preferred name, albeit it feels odd but I may get used to it. I think the beginning of transition is scary for everyone, because I’ve seen accounts of detransitioners and I’m scared someday I’ll end up like that even if I feel certain now. The leap into transition is terrifying especially if you don’t have supportive people which I don’t so I convince myself I’d be fine to stay as a girl 

This is the very reason I didn't come out for a long time. I also understand the detransition scares because I had the, all the time, but just so you know, I am here for you!!! I am your supportive people >:DDD