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Erica_is_a_Jem

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Hello All,

 

Greetings from San Diego! ? I am looking forward to getting to know people who are also wandering down the transgender road. At 32 I finally called my doc and started the conversation I have until then, only had within myself. I have recently come out to my SO and family, and I have kind of hit the wall of time, time to make changes, time for my body to change, and time to welcome in life and love. Anyway, I am hoping to connect with others and share stories, problems, and resolutions.

 

P.S. I am a big reader so any good book recommendations are greatly accepted.

 

-E

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  • Admin

Welcome to the Forums.  Since you say Reading, here are some ideas. 

 

Trans Bodies Trans Selves, 

 

She's Not There -- by Jennifer Finney Boylan

 

Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Being Trans ---- Brynn Tannehill

 

Whipping Girl -- by Julia Serano 

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47 minutes ago, Erica_is_a_Jem said:

I have recently come out to my SO and family, and I have kind of hit the wall of time, time to make changes...

Welcome Erica, You’ve taken something very big steps...congratulations! You just did what took me several months. I’m sure your life with the suppression being gone has probably changed you for the better. You knew it was time. So how’s your family taking the news? Everyone’s experiences are different. I hope all went well and they’ll end up being a great support for you. What events led up to this moment? You likely have many stories and events that led you to the path your on.

 

It’s nice that you’ve joined us. Maybe you might share a little more about your journey up until this ‘coming out’ event, if you’re comfortable. There are many more here that would enjoy reading more about you and your journey.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R?

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Welcome Erica and congrats on some big achievements.  I'm still mostly closeted, so I can appreciate the courage it took for you to come out.  What types of books do you like?  I'm also an avid reader of both fiction and non-fiction and of many different genres, might have a recommendation or two for you.  Have a great day!  Hugs!

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Thank you for the reading list Vicky! I recently finished "The New Girl" by Rhyannon Styles and "Sometimes it Hurts" by Allison Whitaker and I am ready to keep learning all I can.

 

Hello Susan, I would be happy to share a little more. Since I was little I was always trying to wear a dress, then the tabooness of it kind of set in and I would have to lose dares or other "bets", or any other excuses I could come up with to get my way. Once I had a car I would go to stores and, with my whole body shaking from nervousness, buy what I wanted. Looking back I can't imagine what it looked like to be a clerk with this skinny kid trying to buy some cloths while visibly shaking, now it makes me laugh a little. My family didn't have much money but I got to attend college anyway. I would spend whole days as Erica, although I hadn't given myself a name yet, full disclosure I lived alone but I would still go out to shop. Then the reality of my world set it, the depression rose, I got fired from multiple jobs and couldn't get myself to attend my classes.

 

So then I made a great decision and joined the Navy. My time there was great and I met some of my most favorite people there. Another great part about the Navy is every sailor wears the same uniform and goes by their last name. Although it is a pretty testosterone driven line of work, it kept the dysphoria at bay well enough that I had a great deal of success there. As an added bonus the steady pay allowed by to fill my closet with great dresses. Flash forward, to life post service and into corona wasteland, I was stuck with myself, working from home and it has been one the most necessary experiences for me. With my wife gone for the days, I got up, put on my makeup and went to work, after weeks of this I finally decided that there is no reason I should feel any shame or guilt over how I feel about my body.

 

So I broke, and after a couple of days of depression I told my wife how I felt. It would be a little bit of a lie if I said I felt completely free after doing this, but my willingness to feel anything but my own feelings, not the shame and guilt from not fitting into my wife's or societies gender lanes, had fled and so I am letting it go.

 

I am certain my marriage will not survive my transition, but the idea of spending another 30  years counting the time until I can be home alone, is unfathomable and my willingness to live part time diminishes everyday. Coming out to friends and family has been crazy and once I get through all of my list I'll be able to organize my thoughts about it. Thanks for asking, I am glad to start sharing more of myself!
 

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Hello and Welcome!

Wish you luck and be safe out there.

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  • Admin

Welcome to Trans Pulse, Erica.  I hope you like it here and learn a lot.  Please ask all the questions you wish to ask.  We'll be here for you.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

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Hi Erica,

Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here!

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf ?

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Hi Erica and welcome! We're glad to have you here with us ? I feel ya about hitting that "wall of time". I started transition a year ago when I was 32. At that point I just couldn't deny myself anymore. It sounds like you have a good grasp of your identity and what you need to find happiness with yourself. 

 

~Toni

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