any advice on coming out?

[brennen]

my brothers and I are twins but im the girl but felt like I was a guy all the time and wore their clothes but now our birthday is coming up and want to tell them before our  birthday but idk anything or anyway to tell them.

 

[Katharina]

Hi brennen, i had a number of coming out's in the past and i've learned that every coming out is somewhat different. There's pretty much no "golden path" to a coming out because it's so unique. And you often can't predict how someone will react. The best advice i can give you is to listen to yourself. You decide then the time is right and to whom you like to come out. I wouldn't recommend to stress yourself too much but i can relate to the feeling that sometimes things need to get out. Maybe talking to one by one is a good option for you. Sometimes things might get troublesome but you are not alone - just be yourself.

[Jackie C.]

Yikes. This is a big step you're talking about made harder by your age. Before your proceed, think about how your parents are likely to react. Worst case. Got that? Good.

 

Now remember that, unless you have a relative or friend you can move in with, you are at their mercy for the next five years of your life. I'm not saying you shouldn't do it, just make sure you have a Plan B in place before you do. As many of my younger friends on this very site can attest, being trans in an unfriendly environment is no picnic.

 

For the actual event, I prefer in person, face to face. There are people who advocate coming out by letter or e-mail so that their thoughts are organized, but I like to see people's reactions in real-time. Body language can tell you a lot. Finally, if you suspect, again, worst case, that violence might erupt... sometimes we still get beaten to death in this country by people who are supposed to love us... then forget coming out in person. I'd also recommend that you come out to your family in one-on-one sessions. Start with the family member who you think will take it the best, then expand from there. It keeps them from double-teaming you or taking their cues from a partner. This is a very personal experience, you want to keep it that way.

 

With the help of your therapist is also a good option. Having an authority figure present can help ramp down tensions and present a calm viewpoint when emotions start to run wild.

 

I'm not trying to scare you sweetie, I just want you to be prepared for what might happen. We don't always have a smooth road when we come out.

 

Best of luck! All the hugs!

[Erikka]

Welcome Brennen.

Go slowly and carefully. It is always a crap shoot as to how people will react. I have family and friends that I thought would support me on my journey only to have them reject me and vice versa I have hardcore conservative friends and family welcome me and support me.

i agree with Jackie C., face to face one at a time is best because body language speaks volumes. But there are time when the only avenue open is a letter or an email.

 I have done to face with mostly good responses. For my sibs, none f them live close enough for face to face,  I had to do it by phone  and I have to say I have had better luck arguing with a robotic telemarketer. Many just because of distance it has been letter or email. The one I regret not doing face to face was with DD2. She lives 700 miles south of me and face to face was not an option. She did say she loved me and wasn’t going anywhere but I would have had a better picture watching body language.

If you have a sympathetic school counselor of a trusted clergy member that supports you ask them for help.

Hope this is helpful.

Lykke til 

 

[Katharina]

@Jackie C. @Erikka

Just reading both of your comments and i agree to be reasonable careful with any coming out, not knowing what may happen next. Especially if you depend on family and not making your own living. Things may go very bad. I made the most of my coming out's far in my 30s and that is not really comparable to someone significantly younger.
 

1 hour ago, Erikka said:

If you have a sympathetic school counselor of a trusted clergy member that supports you ask them for help.

I believe that is a good recommendation before running into any unpredictable situations.