coming out to wife of 27 years

[Heather Shay]

although my wife caught me self medicating gray market estrogen and blockers 5 years ago and saud i had to see a psychologist id seen for anxiety and depression, i did and stopped self medicating ( that was good bexause it did cause prostate ussues and a few biopsies) but he didnt help with the gender identity issue. It has roared back and noe thank god i,found,thus site where i can talk,freely. i am looking,fir gender specialist and plan to proach hrt wuth my gp at my annual physical on monday. i was also given infi on gender hrt help in columbus ohio frim another psychologisy and i plan to contact them. i,was pyt on zoloft a long time ago and it helped anger and frustration but i think hrt woukd help with the testosterone that i think is the real problem.  anyway... any suggestions on,your approaches to coming out to your spouse and have the best chance to,be supported? 

[Sally Stone]

Shay, unfortunately, it's hard to know just how your spouse is going to react when you come out to her.  In my case, I just sat down with my wife saying I had something very important and intensely personal to talk about.  I started by telling her I enjoyed dressing up as a girl and then I added that it was something more than just wearing the clothes.  Basically, I started out slowly and gave her the opportunity to ask a lot of questions, which helped keep the conversation going.  Of course, this was just my technique and it happened to work okay.

 

I think the important thing that you explain your feelings to her.  It's less important how you tell her.  I'd say that you should be prepared for her not to take it too well initially, after all, it will probably be a shock.  So, you need to be patient and give her some time to process the information.  After you see how she reacts, you may have a clearer understanding of how to continue the conversation.

 

I wish you all the best.

[KayC]

11 hours ago, Shay said:

anyway... any suggestions on,your approaches to coming out to your spouse and have the best chance to,be supported? 

Hi Shay.  From what I have seen on this Forum, and from my own experience, if you are able to connect with a good therapist before you come out to your wife, they will probably be able to help you with the process.
I didn't do that .. and the coming out was pretty rough.  Still go through rough patches (like today even ... ), so I cannot give specific advice ... and, since I don't know your situation.
Since your wife caught you taking E, I assume she might suspect your dealing with gender issues?  Regardless, my experience (and others that I have read) is that you should expect it to be shock to her.  How she reacts?   but whatever you can do to reassure her of your love and support/intentions will probably help the recovery phase.

Wishing you all the best in this process❣️

[Heather Shay]

thank you so much  she has fibromylgia and when she caught me doing e she said she wasnt going anywhere but finding a new therapist to help is great advice. again thank you

[Heather Shay]

to Sally and KayC...both of you are truly mentors znd I hope you will continue to guide me as I continue my journey and share your loving wisdom.