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one at a time


Heather Shay

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i finally came out to a friend who is gay and he has shown support and also help to find new therapist. i think i will try another young woman friend who is straight and although not related calls me D2 (dad 2). i am sxared but i have had a nice relationship with her. how did you come out, piecemeal? groups? people you think will be the most likely to support and then go from there as your confidence grew? 

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Congratulations on starting the coming-out process!

 

I came out initially to family and to a few selected, trusted friends.  After a while, I came out to a few groups.  I had to plan for overlaps between groups: someone in my dance class was also in the concert band, and I couldn't trust her to keep a secret, so I had to tell those two groups simultaneously.  Each group had a group mailing list, so I sent an email to the entire group in each case.  Finally, when I was ready to go full-time, I came out in person at a community association meeting.  No bad experiences to report: everyone was either supportive or at least accepting.

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That is fantastic - I'm glad it went so well for you. I am obviously still scared and hopefully doing it a tiny bit at a time will help me gain confidence.

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37 minutes ago, Shay said:

That is fantastic - I'm glad it went so well for you. I am obviously still scared and hopefully doing it a tiny bit at a time will help me gain confidence.

 

Absolutely!  One step at a time is the way to do it.

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I came out to people in small batches. However, I always stressed that it wasn't a secret and they could tell whoever they liked. I started with the person closest to me and then worked my way out until everybody who saw me regularly or needed to know was informed and I knew if they were cool with it or not. The "cool with it or not" part was important for people I have a professional relationship with and doctors because it's legal to fire someone or refuse medical succor to them for being trans in this state. Fortunately, none of my doctors turned out to be terrible. Honestly only one family member came out against. Everybody else has been supportive.

 

Depending on your living arrangements you might want to check in with any landlords or housing associations you might be beholden to. I don't know about Ohio, but it's legal to force someone out of their home for being trans in Michigan.

 

Hugs!

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The last part was an omg. Luckily I own my own. I just sent my second email to a trusted female friend and see how it goes to build confidence. I hope to tell my wife that I hope she will join me on this journey because she is so important to me and that being 68 I don't plan to get extravagant - I will ask for time when she visits grandkids to dress and maybe an excursion from time to time but I don't want to rock tthe rock so much as to lose my step-daughter and grand-kids so I wouldn't go too far other than having the extremely light beard finally go for good. That's me plan at least.

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