Hello from a Late Starter

[Robin.C]

I'm not sure how to begin so I'll say hello to everyone.

The forced changes here caused by COVID made me look at myself a bit closer than I'd expected.

Having spent the last 50+ years circling the sun not understanding why I've never really fitted in anywhere I stumbled across one of Jackies (Rabbit) videos and .. (damnit I'm nearly crying, how does that happen ?, okay got it back together - is this going to happen - i kinda hope so) realized what I've been denying to myself.

Now I'm trying to learn what I need to know to become ME.

This is the first time I've said anything to anyone about how I'm feeling.

 

I should say I've been reading a lot of posts and now feel a bit less scared to post (so is this where the journey really begins, finally telling others how you feel or did it begin 40 years ago ?)

 

Robin

 

 

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to Trans Pulse, Robin.  Yes, recognizing the truth of who you are and taking that first step are huge milestones, and scary ones.  We've all been there and know how you feel.  You are in a safe place, and among friends who understand.  It is a long road but one successfully traveled by many.  I started my journey at the age of 55, and 11 years later I'm doing fine and am happy.

 

No one can predict what your path will bring, least of all me.  But we can help out with answers, advice, support and resources.  Ask and ye shall receive. 

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

[Robin.C]

Thank you Carolyn.

It's amazing how much emotional energy this post took. Nervousness, excitement and a bit of fear.

It is the stories like yours and others who started later and have succeeded that is helping me.

One step at a time ?

Now I just need to try and concentrate on work.

 

Robin

 

[Susan R]

2 hours ago, Robin.C said:

The forced changes here caused by COVID made me look at myself a bit closer than I'd expected.

Welcome Robin, Many of us here have had events in our lives that suddenly cause us to look inward a little more closely than normal. When it’s is a less than gradual event and the result changes you at the core, I call it a trigger....at least that’s how I refer to it in therapy...lol But many of us here have experienced this and it is what leads us to where we are today.

My transition started with two such triggers both occurring about a 18 months apart. The last trigger finally got me to a point of needing to finally make a change toward becoming myself. I needed to do what I couldn’t do for over 50 years. It sounds like that might be where you’re at right now. This is where the rubber meets the road and you may decide to make some life changing decisions toward becoming the real you very soon. I wish you the very best on this possible upcoming journey. We are here to help and support you in this in any way we can.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R?

[Robin.C]

Many thanks Susan.

Triggers absolutely. Some have been hidden and then suddenly pow.

To suddenly have the realization that my hair cutting and head shaving was a form of self harm.

Someone says "oh your hair is so nice and fine its lovely", and instantly my fear came out "omergerd they think I look like a girl !", can't let anyone even myself know so I cut it off and look manly ?

Not going to happen now. Growing it out properly this time and I'm ashamed to admit that vanity got a look in and I've started dyeing it to get rid of the grey and be more the colour it was when I was younger. Plus dyeing it now gives everyone a chance to get used to the colour as it grows longer ?

 

Hugs to you all

Robin

[Mmindy]

6 hours ago, Robin.C said:

I stumbled across one of Jackies (Rabbit) videos and .. (damnit I'm nearly crying, how does that happen ?, okay got it back together - is this going to happen - i kinda hope so) realized what I've been denying to myself.

Robin.C,

Good morning and welcome to TransPulse Forums.

Like you I'm a Jackie Rabbit video watcher. You'll find friendly caring advice here, so do your research, find a therapist, and know you're not alone.

 

Best wishes, stay positive, and safe,

 

Mindy???

[KymmieL]

Welcome Robin C.

Many of us are "late" starters. I was 53 when I finally deciphered the clues in my past. The denial and the whys finally made sense. The light bulb flickered on and hey dummy  news flash your a girl. Now at 55, my transition is slow because of family. But I am working towards my goal. be happy and be the woman I need to be.

 

You are among like minded friends here. 

 

Kymmie

[KayC]

Hi @Robin.C   nice to meet you and welcome!

I know exactly where you are coming from, how you feel, and the joy and relief of finding others like us on this forum.

I ignored all my warning signs from early childhood to late adulthood, and then life events that suddenly dropped it all on my head like a wrecking ball.  And what now?
I always thought my dysphoria was not looking "manly" enough (yep, facial hair can cover up a lot of that).  Then I realized it was actually I didn't look like me true self .. just been role playing as a man in modern society rather than the feminine reality that was waiting to emerge.

Take your time as you find your way around the site, and can garner wise experience from so many here (I am relatively new to all of this too).  My biggest tip was the one I received from this Forum.  Try to find and start therapy with a gender specialist if at all possible. 

All the best to you Robin and hope to hear from you again❣️

Deep breaths ... one step at a time

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Robin,

Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here!

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf ?

[SaraAW]

Welcome Robin!

[VickySGV]

Got my real start at 61, 11 years ago, but it was not too late at all.

[Robin.C]

I've found FaceApp .. hee hee. So I've updated my Avatar.

While the hair is the right colour it isn't that long yet.

To say I and surprised and delighted that with little makeup I could look okay is amazing, I guess it's normal to worry if you'll look horrible as a woman.

The odd thing was when I saw the picture I recognised her, I've never recognised him ever .. is this common ?

 

Hugs

Robin

[Aquarian]

Hi Robin! I’m a youngster and new to this forum too, but it’s really great to see older trans women realising their identities. It is NEVER too late to start your journey. I really hope you know you’re beautiful, and despite not knowing you i’m so proud of you. I hope your family is accepting and supportive, and that you have a great experience here.

[Bri2020]

On 7/17/2020 at 9:07 PM, Robin.C said:

I've found FaceApp .. hee hee. So I've updated my Avatar.

While the hair is the right colour it isn't that long yet.

To say I and surprised and delighted that with little makeup I could look okay is amazing, I guess it's normal to worry if you'll look horrible as a woman.

The odd thing was when I saw the picture I recognised her, I've never recognised him ever .. is this common ?

 

Hugs

Robin

Hi Robin and Welcome! I'm sorry I didn't welcome you earlier. I had that revelation in Faceap too so you're not alone. Also, just started this journey myself in my 50s so it's never too late.  And I can imagine all the emotions you went through to post here and congrats on being brave! You've got this girl. Reach out anytime if you need an ear to hear you.  Hugs.