Hello, I'm nervous

[jamiethoughts]

Hey all,

 

This is my first time I'm putting this down in writing, for me that's a very big step.

 

I'm 38, married with two children.

 

A few weeks ago I just kinda started letting myself out, bought some creams and started shaving daily, wearing my most feminine clothing and trying to move and be more feminine.

 

Shortly after that I told my wife that I've been questioning my gender.  The truth is I've been unknowingly questioning it for about 20 years with my first memory from when I was about 10 I would guess. Over the years I've often done things that clearly indicated gender dysphoria but I just brushed them off as curiosity. Her initial reaction was that I should keep a journal and that's kind of where the direct conversation ended. She's asked after that if I needed products when shopping but I can see she's still trying to process what it means, as am I.

 

This is where things start getting complicated, fast. We're in the process of immigration which by itself is difficult, we've already left our country of birth and are getting things in order to reach our end goal. So coming out fully now will just put extra stress on my whole family, which is something my heart cannot do.

 

The problem is these feelings are all consuming, I can't keep focus on my work, I can't think about anything else. It's like I've accepted something that's been weighing on me for a long time and I just want to move forward now but I'm scared my wife won't want to be with me any longer and it will break up our family.

 

But anyway, here goes, I'm Jamie and I am a women.

 

 

[MaryEllen]

Hello Jamie,

 

Welcome to TransPulse.  We're glad you're  hear. Hopefully, we'll be able to answer any questions you may have and help put your fears to rest. Look around and feel free to post away as the mood strikes ya. If you haven't already, read through the community rules. Most things are permissible to talk about but there are a few guidelines.

 

Again, Welcome. 

 

MaryEllen

[QuoraQ]

Hi Jamie, Im kinda new here too! My name is Kora. Just wanted to say welcome and tell u that there are some truly awesome people on this forum! They really know how to roll out the welcome wagon and fun to talk to as well!! Gratz on your revelation and stay brave! 

❤️ - K

[Jackie C.]

Salutations @jamiethoughts!

 

Welcome to Transpulse! I hope you find what you're looking for here.

 

So first off, there's no real timeline for transitioning. We're all unique. You need to figure out what makes you happy and feel more like yourself. Then do that. Early on, I found something as simple as wearing gaffe panties and a bra under my street clothes helped a lot. You might also consider dressing in private to let some of the tension out. Nothing has to be for public consumption until you're ready for it. The important thing is to do what makes you feel better about yourself. I'd also suggest finding a therapist to talk to. I think you might find one helpful in working out what Jamie needs to do to live her best life.

 

In the meantime, we're always here if you need to talk.

 

Hugs!

[KymmieL]

Welcome Jamie,  You will not find many places on the web more accepting than right here at TP.  All of us here are on a journey to find information about ourselves or loved ones.

 

Look around, ask questions.

 

Kymmie

[Jani]

Greetings Jamie and welcome.  I'm glad to see you've made it here.  Holding back for many years is a normal reaction, particularly when we don't fully understand what its happening.  Hopefully you will be able to sort things out.  Your wife appears to be understanding which is a big plus.  Keeping a journal, and conversing here with others is a good idea.  I can imagine once your immigration is complete you can connect with the nearest GIC. 

 

This may be complicated by the immigration process but you'll be all right.  This is a long process so things don't happen overnight.  Keep the lines of communication open with your wife, but don't push things.  I progressed at a speed my spouse was comfortable with.   All my best.

 

Cheers,

Jani   

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Jamie,

Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here!

 

I felt so much the same way when I first accepted that I was trans. You are not alone. We all know how it feels here.

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf ?

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to Trans Pulse, Jamie.  I hope that you find the support and information here that you're looking for.  Please don't hesitate to ask any questions.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

[Bri2020]

Welcome Jamie,

THere's probably never a stress free time to come out or transition but as Jani said, keep the lines of communication open, don't push too hard and take some baby steps that can make you feel better until/if you come out to the world. Little things like women's pajamas or shaving your legs can relieve the dysphoria a little and give time for people around you to catch up. Good luck!!

Hugs

Bri

[Lexi C]

Hey Jamie

Welcome inside the TP bubble please wear your mask and keep at least 6 feet from you computer when responding  

Everyone here is really supportive. and like you is going through or has going through a similar situation. I myself an not married, but i totally get the immigration process, that came be a pain in the rear if you screw up.

So like everyone else said, take you time. Your young which is a big plus. I would wait to your settle in, find a good Gender therapist ( hopefully one that specialize in coupling as well) and start. But what do i know.

I kinda just rip the band aide off and told everyone on FB.( expect for my mom and sis) i told then in person.  But I was also a full time CD for 7years before i told anyone. and a closet TG from age 5 to 52. So again what do i know..

good lucks and hugs

 

 

 

 

 

[Susan R]

10 hours ago, jamiethoughts said:

The problem is these feelings are all consuming, I can't keep focus on my work, I can't think about anything else. It's like I've accepted something that's been weighing on me for a long time

Welcome @jamiethoughts. It nice to have you here as a member of our group. After coming to some realization and after so many years of suppression, many of us get to a point where action of some sort must be taken. At first it’s such a relief acknowledging it that it seems like you can’t address it fast enough. It weighs on you until you do something about it. It is a long process for most however, The mental and physical changes take more time than we want in some cases. That initial reaction from your wife does sound very positive. Just keep your wife in the loop the best you can. She can’t read your mind and can start to feel isolated if you are wanting something but not letting her into your thoughts regarding a change. Like @Jani, I progressed with the speed at which my wife was comfortable and could adapt to easily. Fortunately for me...that was very fast. With some luck and good conversation, you two might be able to work successfully together to make this work well in your marriage. I wish you all the best.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R?

 

1 hour ago, Lexi C said:

Welcome inside the TP bubble please wear your mask and keep at least 6 feet from you computer when responding  

@Lexi C you kill me sometimes..LOL?

[KayC]

Hi Jamie!  Nice to meet you and Welcome!
You've already received some great advice here on the Forum so I am sure its a relief you have found others who can relate to your situation, and where you can speak freely.
Many of the milestones of your story strike very close to home for me, and I am sure others here.  How to deal with your wife/family and concerns over their feelings, emotions (as well as your own) and your future together can create a rollercoaster ride of anxiety

(believe me ... I know)

I agree with @Lexi C about gender therapy and potential for couple therapy down the road.  I have just recently started mine.  I can say its a big relief to anxiety issues, and that might also help you see a path forward which will potentially assist you to deal with the "all consuming" feelings you are experiencing.
Also, as @Susan R mentioned, dialogue with your wife is important if you are able to keep the lines open, and adjusting to her ability to grasp this change.  Its possible that your wife's fear is of the unknown and what this means for your relationship.  Whatever you can do to reassure her will hopefully relieve some of that.

Thank you for sharing your situation with us.  Your concerns for the well being of your family are a positive, and provide hope for your future together..

We are all here to listen and to support and help each other❣️

Deep breaths ... One step at a time❣️

[jamiethoughts]

Thank you all for the warm welcome and great advice. I've been up and down the internet reading and understanding but Trans Pulse just seemed different and now I can see why. You all are amazing thank you for sharing your stories and yourselves.

 

I wish I could reply to each and everyone but the response is pretty overwhelming and I'm kind of speechless.

It's strange that you feel you're alone but at the same time know there are many people out there that have experienced the same thing and are willing to share and offer guidance.

 

Jamie