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Am I non binary? I'm Lost


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Hi there,

I’m French so i’m really sorry if my english is bad.

The truth is i’m a little lost and I need to talk about it so maybe someone will help. I’m 22 and I’m questioning myslef a lot about my gender lately and all my friends are cisgender so i’m reallyt afraid to talk about it with them, even though they are really nice people.(To be honest, I have a nonbinary friend but I'm really afraid to seem rude by asking questions)

 

When I was a child, I was really happy when people said I was kind of a "tomboy" sometimes but I used to think it was because of some internalized sexism. I hate being called a woman. I find comfort in gender neutral songs or songs made by non-cisgender people.

 

When I was in middle school, I used to dress in what they call a « boyish » way because it made me feel comfortable but only at home cause I was scared to dress like that at school but I just though it was because these kind of clothes were more comfortable to wear, and because clothes are not supposed to have gender.

 

I remember trying to hide my chest with my hands in high school in front of the mirror and i felt so good i cried because it was a completely different person from what I was but at the time it felt right, and I was still myself. Having boobs isn’t something I hate, but sometimes, I feel good when they are not obvious under my clothes.

 

This kind of feeling came back lately. I don’t like it when friends are calling me « sis » or « gurl ». I don’t like it either when i am called a « young lady », why can’t it just be « young person/adult » ? I don’t understand why it bothers me so much. However, I like it a lot when this one friend calls me « bro. » Does it make sense ? I have watched a lot of video about and by transgender people when I was in high school and I felt like I could relate at some point but not completly. Lately, I have watched a lot of videos made by non binary and agender people. I even started to look for gender neutral names, even if mine is pretty gender neutral though. I don’t know if it’s just because i’m curious or if there’s more ?

 

I have no problem with people perceiving me as a girl. I just don’t feel comfortable with being « only a girl. » It’s really restrictive. I would like people to use "they/them" (iel, in french) to refer to me sometimes, i think. I’m okay if they use "she" too, it’s not a huge problem. I’m just realising that I don’t care what pronouns people use to refer as the person I am. I just don’t want them to think it’s only « she. » I don’t know if all this makes sense at all.

I’m really lost, I don’t know if it’s something that is going to be a phase, if I’m just curious about these things, or if I’m a non binary person. I cannot talk about it with anyone. I already had to explain to people (not my family) what being asexual and biromantic was and it was kind of hard, I don’t want the same thing to happen again.

 

I don’t really know what I’m expecting by posting this, I just really needed to say theses things to someone and, if it’s you, I hope you’re having a lovely day.

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  • Forum Moderator

Welcome Jo' to trans pulse forums and thanks for your intro post, nice to have you with us :). Sounds like you enjoy music, a favorite past time of mine, I think you will find many musical minds here on our board Jo', a great place to hang out and chat with others. Have a look around, join in the conversations, post away as the mood strikes ya....

 

Welcome hugs

 

Cyndee

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  • Forum Moderator

welcome Jo' my french is not too good c'est dommage. I welcome you with open arms and any time you want to discuss music, I' m your gal as are many here as Cyndee said.

You have found a safe harbor.

Shay

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  • Forum Moderator

Hey @Jo'! One of my favorite people in the world is French-Canadian. Honestly I find her accent adorable. Also, I don't see any problems with your English and everybody makes mistakes sometimes. No judgments here.

 

Anyway, one of the first things I did when I came out was talk to one of my non-binary friends. It seemed like they'd be sympathetic. I was absolutely right. They're friends. Friends help each other.

 

So yeah, you're perfectly normal for you. Tomboys are a thing. Heck, my favorite aunt was a very masculine woman (also a lesbian). Your expression of gender is totally up to you. The important thing is that you learn what Jo needs to be happy and work towards making that a reality. Be it expressing as male, female or someone in-between.

 

Hugs!

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3 hours ago, Cyndee said:

Welcome Jo' to trans pulse forums and thanks for your intro post, nice to have you with us :). Sounds like you enjoy music, a favorite past time of mine, I think you will find many musical minds here on our board Jo', a great place to hang out and chat with others. Have a look around, join in the conversations, post away as the mood strikes ya....

 

Welcome hugs

 

Cyndee

Hello Cyndee, thank you a lot, I think this place is indeed going to be good for me. Again, thank you ?

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2 hours ago, Shay said:

welcome Jo' my french is not too good c'est dommage. I welcome you with open arms and any time you want to discuss music, I' m your gal as are many here as Cyndee said.

You have found a safe harbor.

Shay

Hi Shay, thank you a lot for this warm welcome, it makes me really happy.

Merci, 

Jo

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36 minutes ago, Jackie C. said:

Hey @Jo'! One of my favorite people in the world is French-Canadian. Honestly I find her accent adorable. Also, I don't see any problems with your English and everybody makes mistakes sometimes. No judgments here.

 

Anyway, one of the first things I did when I came out was talk to one of my non-binary friends. It seemed like they'd be sympathetic. I was absolutely right. They're friends. Friends help each other.

 

So yeah, you're perfectly normal for you. Tomboys are a thing. Heck, my favorite aunt was a very masculine woman (also a lesbian). Your expression of gender is totally up to you. The important thing is that you learn what Jo needs to be happy and work towards making that a reality. Be it expressing as male, female or someone in-between.

 

Hugs!

Hey! I'm glad to read this haha, the French-Canadian accent is indeed adorable!

You're right, I think I need to wait a little more before talking about this aloud but when I'm ready, I think I'll try to talk to this friend of mine. 

Thank you so much for these kind words, I wish you a lovely day/or night, depending where you are right now, 

Hugs!

Jo

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  • Forum Moderator

@Jo'

De rien

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  • Forum Moderator

Hi Jo',

 

Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here!

 

You no longer have to face the world alone. We all know what it's like to question, and how confusing it can be in a world that has historically viewed gender in the binary. I hope you stick around and participate!

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf ?

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3 hours ago, Timber Wolf said:

Hi Jo',

 

Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here!

 

You no longer have to face the world alone. We all know what it's like to question, and how confusing it can be in a world that has historically viewed gender in the binary. I hope you stick around and participate!

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf ?

Hi Timber Wolf, thank you for this lovely message, I hope I stick around too, and I'm sure this will be a comfortable place for me. 

I'm sending you lots of love and I wish you a lovely day/night

Jo'

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1 hour ago, Rami said:

Jo'

I really liked what you had to say, thank you for posting.

Rami 

 

 

 

 

Hello Rami, 

I'm glad you think so, thank you for telling me it's truly soothing, 

Jo.

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  • 3 months later...

Hi Jo', it sounds like you and I are roughly in the same place (this is my first post here!). I don't mind being seen as "she" but I don't want to be seen as *only* "she", and I definitely prefer being a tomboy, too. I'm starting to go by a more gender-neutral name, and I get a little thrill of joy whenever I'm referred to by that name.
Most of my friends are also cis, but I reached out to one acquaintance I knew was non-binary and they were incredibly helpful and kind. I agree with the others who have said that, when you're ready, I'm sure your friend would be happy to talk to you about what you're going through. 
Thank you for sharing your story -- you made me feel less alone. ❤️ 

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