um. hello!

[kalopsiavian]

hi everyone!

my name is azrael (or ciel!), but i have a lot of other names i go by. i'm 18 and... kinda have no idea what i'm doing.

i'm not really sure of my gender honestly. i know that i hate being called a girl (or a woman, etc. i look like a baby), but that's about where it stops. i think it's brain funky for the most part, and i know i could search out things like microlabels, but i'm not sure if the confusion that's come with them before is worth it. (i've been questioning my gender for years, but the masculine part of it was only recently found.)

along with that i have a lot of fears surrounding transitioning, to the point where just talking about it gets me nervous- i'm not sure if they're societal, or due to change, or something else, but i hoped that coming and seeing others like me helps me. i have a friend group of a couple trans men (my loving boyfriend included) but i want to take at least some of the load off their shoulders.

i don't know this feels clunkyfjgsdhk. i haven't had any meaningful journey and it doesn't feel like worth finding but that's even more clunky. i'm sorry, i'm not good at talking about myself.

ANYWAY thank you for having me and i'm sorry for rambling on about nothing.

ciel ?

[Susan R]

@kalopsiavian

Nice to meet you and welcome to our support forum.  Hey, we all have to start somewhere and it’s just good that your here. I think you can enjoy it and make good use of the resources. It so much better than doing nothing and hoping things get better on their own.

 

I cordoned off my alter ego for much of my life and it was detrimental to my well being. You’re still young and already looking for answers in the right places. We are a nice growing community of members like yourself. If you have anything you need help with or answers about, feel free to express it freely (within the community rule guidelines of course). Glad you’re aboard.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R?

[Jackie C.]

Welcome to Transpulse ... He of Many Names ... ?

 

I hope you find what you seek here. I wouldn't worry about the labels though. They don't actually matter. You're you and that's all that's really important.

 

Hugs!

[KayC]

Hi ciel!  Nice to meet you and Welcome!   I am sure you will find other Members here who you can relate to. 

What you call "nervous" I often experience as anxiety.  Its very common with gender dysphoria and it can be difficult to keep it from impacting your life negatively.

I don't know if you have access to gender therapy or counseling, or maybe a transgender or LGBTQ+ support group in your area, but that may be beneficial to start there.

 

We're all here to listen, share, and support each other, so Welcome again❣️

Deep breaths ... one step at a time

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Azreal,

Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here!

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf ?

[Sally Stone]

Hi Ciel,

 

Welcome.  It's perfectly okay to question your gender, and there's no rush to judgment required.  It took me 40 years to find my happy place, but that was in the era mostly before the internet and digital socializing.  I'm sure by asking questions and sharing your thoughts and feelings, you'll find your happy place in no time, just don't feel pressured to decide.  Discovering our true gender, or genders, is a journey to be enjoyed and savored.