What comes first

[Robin_Yates]

Hello I’m not new to knowing I’m trans. I’ve known since I was 14 but I’m 19 now and haven’t begun to transition at all. My parents never really believed in therapy for a lot of things and I’ve never been fully believed when I’ve come out as trans. I just started a part time job that doesn’t bring in a lot of money so I don’t know if I’ll be able to afford therapy right now. So what can I do first and for now? I’m in college and many of my friends there know me as my chosen name and many of my older friends do too. What can I do now? What is the first step to start my transition? Should I be able to use my chosen pronouns with teachers in classes even though it’s not legally changed or will that cause problems? I just need help and I don’t know what to do now.

[Ryan]

You could email your professors asking to call you by your chosen name and explain your situation. Your college may also have student supports such as on-campus counselors or GSAs you could look into if you need someone to talk to privately. 

[Jackie C.]

What Ryan said. Your university should have programs in place to handle trans students. It's been a LONG time since I've been in university, but I've got family in education at the college level. Head down to the main office, explain the issue, and go talk to whoever is in charge to get your gender, pronouns and preferred name in the system. Good luck!

 

Hugs!

[Robin]

One thing to bear in mind is that you don't actually have to do anything, if you don't want or need to.  If you are getting on perfectly well with your life as you are, that is great. 

 

Robin.

[Robin_Yates]

On 8/23/2020 at 12:21 AM, Ryan said:

You could email your professors asking to call you by your chosen name and explain your situation. Your college may also have student supports such as on-campus counselors or GSAs you could look into if you need someone to talk to privately. 

Thank you this does seem like a good first step. And so far with teachers that ask for pronouns I say I use he/him/his pronouns but I haven’t used my chosen name because I’m too worried about it causing some sort of problem with paperwork and stuff in the future for any reason. I have just been telling them a nickname close to my biological one but it sucks because I’ve already had one call my name “pretty” which I get a lot but I hate it. I don’t know who I can talk to on campus right now because there so much that has to be changed because of COVID and I don’t know where to start with those things. I may wait until they announce more things or talk to my other lgbt friends to see if they know much. But once again thank you for the advice.

[A. Dillon]

I totally understand that last part, about people calling my name "pretty," and me (just paraphrasing here) wanting to instantly crawl in a hole and set it on fire. My deadname was Amelia Rose. It sucked. It used to bother me way more, but after 10 months of being who I am and starting to legally change it I find it kind of humorous that it was ever supposed to apply to me. You will get there too, it just takes time.

 

For now, I would suggest going by your last name. Since I began high school I was going by my last name, I didn't know why back then but I hated my name and thought that this way sounded more professional. It lets you avoid there being the whole conversation of why you want to be called this thing, and when you decide what name fits you best you won't have to change everything in the system. This is not the perfect solution, but in general I have found it to be the best first step. I hope this helps, good luck my man!