recent body image and dysphoria changes

[bonescaro]

TW/CW for potential dysphoria and specific body parts

 

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so i've been id'ing as nonbinary for the past seven years, and i've been very "ew, boobs, don't want 'em" the whole time (im afab). i binded for a long while, responsibly, but about two years ago... hard to describe, but i couldn't bind anymore. nothing dramatic or sudden happened, but i couldn't wear anything with compression on my chest. first it was binders that i couldnt wear. then sports bras. you wouldn't believe the trouble i've had to find something to wear that covered me and didn't look like lingerie. i couldn't wear most of whats commercially available, because my dysphoria is conditional on the clothes i wear. i couldn't bring myself to wear proper bras (haven't in years) or anything with a v neck or lace.

 

but as the title says: my dysphoria and general body image seems to be changing. i was ok with my boobs before, so far as accepting that they weren't going anywhere. i was never going to be able to afford surgery. but now i want to... not so much show off, but i want to wear bras with actual cups and support, to give them a better shape? so that it actually looks like i have boobs. i don't want to have a flat chest anymore.

 

has anyone else experienced something like this?

[tracy_j]

Obviously not specifically that, but we all change over time with the ebb and flow of hormones. I feel that some days I am pretty much non-binary whereas others totally female, with the desire to show just that. With gender dysphoria I think it does affect in degrees. Some people are heavily affected and feel they must change whereas others (I include myself here) are less affected so, at least myself, have a strong desire to look more feminine but not a must for surgery for change. My thoughts on this do vary though, and I have never worked ot why. I think that with yourself, your hormone levels may have something to do with it as, being younger, they may well be far more active. My main point would be not to worry and go with the flow. Be yourself. No one has to be in a fixed slot in life although people obviously get used to how we are.

 

So yes, I have had similar thoughts although in my case, in recent years have never had  desire to show my maleness. I do appreciate how confusing it would be to vary such though.

 

Tracy

[DonkeySocks]

I'm definitely binary (trans male), and I have the same feeling of dysphoria being contingent on what I wear. I will not, cannot wear anything called a "bra", so binding with sports bras is right out. The best I can do is use mens undershirts in a size smaller than my usual T-shirt size. I would like to be flat-chested in public and wear what I want to wear. However, I do not intend to get surgery, and there is one way in which I am actually proud of my breasts: when someone I care about, who understands my gender issues, admires them. My husband is all for me being healthy emotionally and supports my needs, and if I needed to transition he would support me completely. My dysphoria isn't so bad about my breasts for myself; I don't have a problem personally with having cleavage, for instance. I am only a little sex-dysphoric, but am very gender-dysphoric. But because I know that my husband knows all about me and supports me, I am totally fine with him admiring my breasts, as long as I've got 'em anyway. Otherwise I would love a flat chest, for purposes of wearing certain styles!

 

So it's not the same as your situation, but there's nothing strange about wanting to try out different styles and shapes.