Confused And Frustrated

[Guest 1charlotte1]

I have always thought I knew who I was. Since I was a child I had always felt and wanted to be female. But I keep reading and seeing things that make me question who I am. I can't stand it! I can't stop feeling insecure! I can't stop questioning who I am!! I shouldn't need to question who I am, because I can tell who I am. But others say makes me question myself. I think in the state Im in, questioning myself is a bad thing. But I don't know what to think or what to believe anymore! It hurts me to read things that say I am a male who is just confused! I wasn't confused until I read crap like that! An now I can't get the idea that I might be wrong out of my head. Am I wrong??

Sorry for venting all over y'all. I'll just keep to myself next time

Luv, Charlotte

[Guest Nikk]

You know it's okay to question right? Nobody is demanding answers from you RIGHT NOW. You're.... Seventeen right? Plenty of time to just be yourself. Cheya Charlotte, it's you. Nobody has a right to make you question anything you think about yourself, because it's you not them.

(I have a feeling I'm failing to say what I'm trying to say).

~Nikk

[Guest Pól]

Hi Charlotte,

First of all, don't feel like you have to apologize for venting, that's what we're here for -- support. You shouldn't have to feel bad about asking for help, advice, or support when you need it.

I know where you're coming from. Sometimes reading that stuff is really confusing, but keep in mind that a lot of it is written by people who don't understand transpeople.

If you're really questioning, that's a good thing though, not a bad thing. Not knowing where you stand is disconcerting because you feel like it's something you should know. The only thing I can say kind of sucks, but is true. You have to give this time to sort itself out in your head. And in the meanwhile, you need to find a way so that you're OK with who you are while you still don't know.

This whole gender question isn't something you necessarily have to figure out overnight, or even in a week, or longer. Don't feel obliged to jump onto a particular label just for the safety of having one. Questioning is a fundamentally healthy thing to do. Gender can be complicated and confusing for anyone, and it's important that you take all the time you need to figure yourself out properly. After all, it's a pretty important subject to you! It's OK to not know or to be confused and you'll get there when you get there. It's frustrating when you're not sure about something that's so important, but try to keep in mind that being confused means that you're thinking about it. You have the strength to face your feelings and think about them honestly rather than just pushing them down, and that's real character.

Remember that liking a guy doesn't make you a girl any more than liking a girl makes you a guy.

If you decide you're really a girl and need to transition, you'll do that when you get there, at your own pace. If you decide that you're really a guy, even if you felt like you were trans before, that's OK too. The other thing is that you may find that you may not be just a guy or just a girl -- you may be something in between, and there's nothing wrong with that. It's been mentioned on the forum before, but gender isn't a binary as much as it is a spectrum. Not being fully one or the other doesn't make you a bad or deficient person.

That's my two cents, anyway.

Pól

[Guest ~Brenda~]

My Dear Charlotte,

Now hon, it is OK to have questions!! Confusion is very natural hon. Don't ever feel sorry about expressing your worries here to us hon. That is what we are here for!! We are here for you and we will get you through this period in your life. Now I know it is easier said than done, but Char please try to ignore whatever negative things people say or write. Try not to be swayed by birth certificates or driver's liscense etc. that have your birth gender written on them. That is all very temporary and can be changed. For now dear, just put all those exterior distractions out of your mind and focus on who you are. We know who you are!! You are one of us!!

Love

bernii

[Guest 1charlotte1]

I was a tad bit emotional when I wrote this. This is what I was trying to say! I know who I am. It has taken me my whole life to figure it out, but I'm very confident about it! I am frustrated because I keep reading online crap that says I don't exist. They will say things like how I am just a confused man. Oh my goodness? This is being said by people who probably couldn't define the difference between transgendered and transsexual. It has me upset and furious. I feel better now, but at the time I was peed. Because these people come in and try to tear down what has taken my entire life to understand! ____ them.

Sorry for the anger! I need to learn to have control over that. T_T

Hugz, Charlotte

[Guest NeverSayNever]

Just ignore what other people say, you know who you are and that's all that matters. They're just ignorant, they have no idea what it's like to be you so they can't say who you are.

I hate seeing you upset and mad I'm not used to it from the happy Charlotte who always makes me smile

Glad you're feeling a little better.

[Guest Javey]

Its perfectly acceptable in every way shape and form to question yourself some. Question everything! Its how you learn. There is nothing wrong with it, and there is nothing wrong with you. Your not 'confused' or a 'lost soul' your just on the path to bliss like everyone else. Everyones path is different. How do you expect to learn about yourself if you don't question yourself? You can't find an answer without asking a question first! Its all just part of exploring and growing. But you've made it pretty clear to me you KNOW you are female. Don't try to block it out because of some loser telling you its a faze or that your sick somehow. Move boldly forward into the direction of your true self! (And you know you know, even if you lose sight of it sometimes, that you know exactly who that is) Its okay to question, just don't forget what you already know for fact or lose hold of whats important (like brushing your teeth, for instance. EXTREMELY IMPORTANT! I'm sorry, that was way random. But its true!!!)

And people saying your wrong and confused, are obviously the ones who are confused about all this. They haven't experienced it, they don't know, they have no right to tell you your wrong. Your not wrong for being born in the wrong body. Its not like you could help that anymore then you could help what your natural hair color is! Its not a choice. Never has been, never will be. It doesn't make you wrong. It makes you unique and awesome!

And its okay to vent too. Keeping this kinda stuff bottled up just leads to more trouble!

*hug* hang in there!

Javey<3

[Guest Neuro]

I hate people who talk like just because we are born a certain way, it just means we are 'confused men' or women like you said in the post above--my counselor said that to me mere hours ago!!

There is plenty of time to discover your true self, but try not to let anyone else tell you what is what. Sometimes, to find your true self you need a three-day cleansing. No computer, no TV, and as little human contact as possible. Just time for you to think.

No one can tell you if you are male or female aside from yourself. I think all of us can tell you, it's not what is between the legs or on the chest that matters--it is what is in the heart! Never lose hope in yourself, you are too bright and adorable a person to listen to people who are only going to put you down for being who you are.

<3 Michael

[Guest Jeannine Bean]

I have always thought I knew who I was. Since I was a child I had always felt and wanted to be female. But I keep reading and seeing things that make me question who I am. I can't stand it! I can't stop feeling insecure! I can't stop questioning who I am!! I shouldn't need to question who I am, because I can tell who I am. But others say makes me question myself. I think in the state Im in, questioning myself is a bad thing. But I don't know what to think or what to believe anymore! It hurts me to read things that say I am a male who is just confused! I wasn't confused until I read crap like that! An now I can't get the idea that I might be wrong out of my head. Am I wrong??

Ultimately I believe that you get a chance to discover who you are. My greatest mistakes came from listening to others tell me who I was, or how I needed to go about my life, when deep inside I wanted something else. On several occasions I wasted years of my life that way. I'm not just talking about gender either. For me, I think it's important to listen closely to the inner voice. Sometimes I'll just take a long bath and be still and quiet until I feel that inner voice again...

Bottom line: You're living your life. Not some expert who wrote an article, not your parents or friends, or minister, or therapists, or even us here on Laura's.

You're free to do it how you want.

--Jeannine

[Guest 1charlotte1]

Its perfectly acceptable in every way shape and form to question yourself some. Question everything! Its how you learn. There is nothing wrong with it, and there is nothing wrong with you. Your not 'confused' or a 'lost soul' your just on the path to bliss like everyone else. Everyones path is different. How do you expect to learn about yourself if you don't question yourself? You can't find an answer without asking a question first! Its all just part of exploring and growing. But you've made it pretty clear to me you KNOW you are female. Don't try to block it out because of some loser telling you its a faze or that your sick somehow. Move boldly forward into the direction of your true self! (And you know you know, even if you lose sight of it sometimes, that you know exactly who that is) Its okay to question, just don't forget what you already know for fact or lose hold of whats important (like brushing your teeth, for instance. EXTREMELY IMPORTANT! I'm sorry, that was way random. But its true!!!)

And people saying your wrong and confused, are obviously the ones who are confused about all this. They haven't experienced it, they don't know, they have no right to tell you your wrong. Your not wrong for being born in the wrong body. Its not like you could help that anymore then you could help what your natural hair color is! Its not a choice. Never has been, never will be. It doesn't make you wrong. It makes you unique and awesome!

And its okay to vent too. Keeping this kinda stuff bottled up just leads to more trouble!

*hug* hang in there!

Javey<3

Brush my teeth every day! *thumbs up in a rock lee like fashion*

That made me smile!!

*re-hug*

charlotte

[Guest Javey]

Brush my teeth every day! *thumbs up in a rock lee like fashion*

That made me smile!!

*re-hug*

charlotte

Haha i thought that would YEAYA!

Hair is important too. NEVER FORGET TO BRUSH YOUR HAIR AND TEETH!!!!!