Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Fear, anxiety, panic


Billy

Recommended Posts

Does anyone have tips on how to handle reoccurring fear / anxiety related to being trans? I am so full of fear which keeps me from finding myself and my trans way. This is partly related to my relationship and my kids as I feel very responsible and guilty of being about to cause a breakup. I feel completely torn apart between my transness and my family. I am unable to find a solution but also find it very hard to bear the current state. Many thanks. PS: I am already in therapy and the issue is that I am not able to "sit" with such unease. 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Step 1 - you've identified the problem - can't do anything about a problem until you identify it.

Step 2 - breathe

Step 3 - now that you know what is causing the fear and anxiety - disarm it - as you do - the fear and anxiety will lessen each time it comes

Step 4 - forgive yourself - you didn't ask to be trans 

Step 5 - Talk with your therapist - if you don't feel the therapist is doing you good - find one you feel good with - that's why they are there

Step 6 - Realize everyone is different and the only one you can control is YOU - feel good about you - heal yourself

Step 7 - Love yourself - once you do you'll be able to love others weaknesses

Step 8 - Relax and know you aren't alone and have friends HERE to talk to

Step 9 - Accept and embrace your unique challenges

Step 10 - Repeat Steps 1-9 frequently and as needed.

Link to comment

Looks like good advice from Shay.

 

2 hours ago, Billy said:

Does anyone have tips on how to handle reoccurring fear / anxiety related to being trans? I am so full of fear which keeps me from finding myself and my trans way.

 

I can certainly identify with this.  For a long time I was so afraid of confronting this part of me that if the subject even came up anywhere I would flee as fast and far as possible.  It just made me extremely uncomfortable.  I wasn't even sure why.  I suppose my subconscious was trying to get my attention.

Link to comment

It has now gotten worse at home. My relationship is officially at risk now. My wife and I are barely talking. She says I need to figure out who I am, then tell her and then she will decide if she comes along. I feel like I am frozen. Like I am unable to move at all. I feel totally numb. How can I possibly move on. I want to take control of my life but not if this comes at the cost of causing my family to break up. This is not a decision I can make - between being trans and finding my way and my family. I need both. Has anyone found a way of solving this? 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
2 hours ago, Billy said:

My wife and I are barely talking.

Billy, It is very hard to make progress in a relationship if this above quote doesn’t change. If I was in this situation, I would make this my point of focus and top priority.  You might tell her how important it is to you that, at minimum, the lines of communication remain open. Keep calm and talk to her in a reassuring manner that you love her despite anything and how much you need her. Maybe with time, some compromise can be reach. It will take time. It is a loss in her mind and she needs assurance that this is not the case. If she could get into therapy, like yourself, they might be the bridge your relationship needs. They might be able to reach her in a way you alone can not.

 

I hope for the best,

Susan R?

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

@Billy Susan is right. Keep the communication lines open and assure her of your love and hopefully given time she will pass through the stages she has to go through as well to reach acceptance.

Mental Hugs 

Shay

Link to comment

Thank you both! 

Thing is that I am sort of going through my second puberty right now including that I am not sure who I am and who I am attracted to which has obviously made it worse (just in my head and also for my wife as I stupidly told her things that are going on in my head without enough filtering as I keep being overwhelmed by myself). I am not the kind of person who cheats or has one night stands, never have been. But there is a lot of trust that needs to be rebuilt on both sides. And I am afraid of the things that a might continue to find out about myself. But my wife is the most important person in my life. So I am not so sure what to tell her - maybe that I hope we can find a channel of communication and closeness that is good for both of us and that I miss her? 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

@Billy you have just answered your own question. Tell her she is the most important person in your life. I think you are on HRT right. If so be honest and say you are going through a lot and you are scared. That is only being human. I am on HRT and my wife said she didn't know how she would react if I chose to fully transition. As I progress the more I want to present as a woman and go full transition but I am taking it slow with her and realizing she needs to go through the stages of grief and neither of us signed up for what each of us must go through and never asked for. But it is what it is and I am seeing therapist and at some point I am sure she will be asked to come with and solo.  I am trying to be entirely honest and communicate organically without forcing it and planting good seeds and showing her how important she is to me. I hope you are talking to a therapist and you know you have a wonderful support group here. There are many like @Susan R who commented above who have been in your place and give wise advice from experience. Also you might check out Jackie Rabbit videos on YouTube. She has several about what went wrong in her handling of things with her now former wife and her advice how to deal with the one you love so much.

I will be thinking good thoughts for you and her,

Heather Shay

Link to comment
7 hours ago, Billy said:

This is not a decision I can make - between being trans and finding my way and my family.

Hi Billy
I was feeling exactly how you were a couple of months ago.  Therapy was a BIG help in settling my anxieties and moving me toward self-acceptance.  That has settled down my relationship with my wife .. but we still have a long way to go.
I don't have any specific advice for you ... if your therapist is not working for you, find another therapist, and find a better way you can attend sessions more often.
Give your wife and yourself some time and space to work through this.  It doesn't have to be resolved over night.  This was a big help for me.
You need to reach the Self-Acceptance stage (and let go of the Guilt) at some point.  I have found its really impossible to make progess without that ... and That's only way to be fair to yourself, and fair to wife.  At some point she does need to know .. so she can decide.  My hope is .. she decides to stick with you.


Deep breaths ... Deep breaths ❤️

Link to comment

Thanks, no I am not on HRT. I am at the very early stages. Just came out as Trans this summer. I am to full of panic to explore further who I am which puts me to freeze. This morning my fear was so bad (simply the fear of being inside of me) that I am thinking of putting myself into a clinic. 

We are a rainbow family. I gave birth to both of our kids. This makes ist even harder for me to find my male role or even allow for it to pop up in my brain. But my psychological state has seriously worsened over the last couple of weeks. I am barely getting through the day. I am not sure what to do.... 

 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

If you haven't seen a therapist please do so. Psychology today. Website can't give psychologist in your area. At least see a family doctor. I am on setraline A generic Zoloft and the panic anxiety depression was really helped by it. Your doctor might recommend something else but a little help wouldn't hurt. If youdont have doctor then a nurse practitioner at a walk in clinic could also help to keep costs down.

Seek help. And know you have support here as well. We have been through similar things and know it ain't easy.

Link to comment

Thanks, Shay. I am already taking a very low dose anxiety blocker during the day but I will increase the dose. I also received some Trans friendly counseling today. 

I find it very difficult to get through the day with the knowledge that my situation is not going to improve in the short run but only over a long period of time. 

I have a telephone interview with my nearest psychosomatic clinic on Monday ( I live in Europe, so my insurance pays for this). However, the waiting list is 1 to 6 weeks. 

In any case, I need to find a way to survive with my transness somehow. But I do not know how I can make myself feel better in daily life? I find it so hard to be within myself. 

I am seeing a trans friendly therapist this Friday. 

Link to comment
On 9/16/2020 at 9:00 PM, Billy said:

I am seeing a trans friendly therapist this Friday. 

That's great, Billy!  hoping this session goes really well for you.  Keep us posted if you can❣️

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

@Billy great I know you are headed in the right direction and with the right attitude. None of us asked for the issue we face and know you have all the support and love we can give you?as you continue your journey.

Link to comment

Thanks to you both. So the therapist meeting today went well. But as this specialist one is not part of the public health insurance scheme I will have to do a bit of running around, getting docs together and then wait for a few months before I can hopefully start therapy ?

I started drawing which helps. 

But I am still not really functioning... 

Well, one day after the other. 

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   1 Member, 0 Anonymous, 170 Guests (See full list)

    • MaybeRob
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      768.6k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,031
    • Most Online
      8,356

    jacobb
    Newest Member
    jacobb
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Adele Svetova
      Adele Svetova
      (25 years old)
    2. BROOKSGLASS
      BROOKSGLASS
      (34 years old)
    3. FinnyFinsterHH
      FinnyFinsterHH
      (16 years old)
    4. fool4luv
      fool4luv
      (26 years old)
    5. itsaddison
      itsaddison
      (20 years old)
  • Posts

    • atlantis63
      thanks. good to be back
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://www.cnn.com/2024/04/27/politics/lgbtq-health-care-biden-administration-rules-affordable-care-act/index.html   Personally, I think this is a very good thing.   Carolyn Marie
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      I'd love to have a dinner party with Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Franklin, Voltaire, and Ayn Rand.  Would definitely be an interesting time. 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      In the forward I learn that transgenderism is bad, and somewhere else that transgender ideology is bad.  I have not yet read a definition of either in the document.  I assume they are the same.  I know Focus on a Family has a definition of transgenderism on their website, or did, but I am not sure this is the same as that.  I might agree that transgenderism is bad if they use a definition I condemn (e.g. transgenderism means you always pour ketchup in your shoes before you put them on - I could not agree to that).  Is someone who believes in transgenderism, whatever it is, a transgenderist? I never see that term.  There may be other definitions out there, but I don't think there is an Official Definition that we all agree to.
    • RaineOnYourParade
      Crazy fact, was gonna go to the school where this went down at before I moved, have a lot of friends there. I know at least one of my friends met the guy on one occasion, not knowing who it was.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      They are thinking of Loudon.  The problem there was the girls were not protected from a known predator, who was moved from one school to another instead being effectively disciplined.  Outlaw school administrators? <sarc>
    • Abigail Genevieve
      How ironic.  I agree with the governor "“You cannot change your gender; you cannot pick your gender…there is a confused group of people that somehow think you can,”    - we are what we are, we are fighting the fact we CANNOT change our gender, which we did not pick.  Many if not all of us would not have picked a trans condition and have sought to evade, deny or move out or resolve it anyway we can.  Those who are confused on this issue are not trans folk.  They want us to change our gender but they deny we can.  Confusion.  
    • Vidanjali
      @FinnyFinsterHH no one can satisfy your questions about what will the future hold. But I can advise you to slow your mind down as much as you're able. Take it slow and one moment at a time. This advice goes beyond the practical reality that that's truly all you can do - further, try to enjoy each moment. It's clear you have a lot of aspirations regarding transition. But it's best to try to accept the bounds of your life circumstances at present because if you develop worries or even resentments about them, that will only make you bitter and more anxious. Instead, try to focus on anything you find affirming. Practice positive self-talk and give yourself affirmations too. Try to let go of expectations of your family members - they can only deal with change to the capacity they're able due to their own life conditions. Allow them grace as you wish they would allow you. Practice patience.   Try this exercise - read through your post and make one list of the positive developments and another of things you cannot control (including the future). If you have a sense of spirituality, offer the second list as a sacrifice to however you understand a higher power - leave it in their hands. If you're not spiritual, then offer it up to hope. Then throw that list away. Keep the list of positives and leave some room on it because guaranteed you'll have more and more to add. Look forward to that, but don't let your mind think it can rush things. Try to enjoy the ride. 
    • Vidanjali
      Happy birthday, Sam! Lotsa love!
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I still have not read much of this.  Very little of this document pertains to trans folk.  Some of the statements are more than problematic concerning trans folk.   It certainly was not written just to get us.   " those with gender dysphoria should be expelled from military service."  and "Reverse policies that allow transgender individuals to serve in the military. Gender dysphoria is incompatible with the demands of military service,"  https://static.project2025.org/2025_MandateForLeadership_CHAPTER-04.pdf are two lines out of hundreds if not thousands regarding the Department of Defense, targeting trans folk in an almost off-hand manner.    So if a fighter pilot, say, or a ship's captain, highly experienced and trained at enormous expense, is determined to be transgender (method unknown) the US loses someone badly needed due to the personnel shortage who is ready, willing and able to perform their duties.  Many trans folk have served well and transitioned later.  I don't think this point is well thought out.    A number of policy recommendations I would disagree with.  I am not sure there is a method to discuss those with the authors; I am attempting to find out.  I have good conservative creds.    They are fully intending to implement this, regardless of who the president is, as long as that president is conservative. It is not Trump centered.  I don't think he had anything to do with it. 
    • April Marie
      I wear a Delimira Mastectomy sleep bra with Vollence sleep rated breast forms. The form fit inside pockets so they don't touch your skin. I bought the bras on Amazon and found the forms on eBay. They were much less expensive than buying through the other sources. 
    • Ashley0616
      I wore an olive corduroy coverall dress with a navy blue shirt underneath. 
    • Ashley0616
      @LittleSamCongratulations on one of the biggest decisions. Looking forward to your progress. 
    • Ivy
      I don't wear a bra to bed.  The girls aren't big enough to need it, but still enough to appreciate.  Just a flannel nightgown suits me fine.
    • Ashley0616
      You're welcome. I'm here quite often if you need me. 
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...