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Hospitalization This Friday


Guest Neuro

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Guest julia_d

It's all a little tough to know what will be for the best. Do what you think will work out.. maybe a stay away from the pressure and stress of home could be the best thing that ever happened.. or maybe it could be the worst possible situation. While there will certainly be access to specialists they may not be interested in listening and will stick to a "diagnosis" agenda and treat accordingly. That's a gamble, but you never know.

I get a slight feeling there are a few other underlying issues with this depression which aren't directly related to your trans-ness .. bad home situation and general feeling of pointlessness and worthlessness about life the universe and everything. I say that because it's how I feel on a lot of days. I might feel sad when I look in a mirror.. but that's because I still have wrong bits.. it's not the main cause of my problems.

My depression is caused by having a rubbish situation, no job, hardly any money.. an abusive landlord.. no way to get a job because of a stupid immigration law and a bad life in general.. I had all that before I started to transition.. it became better after I started to get on with transitioning, but only when it's all over and I can actually do more to improve my situation will I be able to leave the sadness and depression behind (I hope anyway.. unless it's become a permanent fixture by then and something else I will need to sort out *sigh*)... the wrong bits issue is just an additional trigger to some days being worse than others..

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Guest Neuro

It is true Julia_d, any number of issues can make things worse... I hope that your life can only become better and better, just like how I hope mine will.

<3

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Thank you so much Sally, I suggested both of them to my parents and they said that they would have to think about it... ;__o :3

That looks very good, they are interested in helping you (probably hoping that the therapist will say you are just confused - but we know how unlikely that is).

Love ya,

Sally

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Guest Leigh

Hey Michael,

sorry i haven't been around today. i slept in late and then had to head to work...

i don't know if you'll be able to get this before you check in tomorrow (if you're still on that plan)

but i just wanted to say, about your therapist, he sounds like a total jerk. i have to say, i thought that my therapist was really good until i came out to her... don't let him get in your way. try and get your parents to understand how much you need to change therapists.

best of luck

peace&love

leigh

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Guest Evan_J
Dear All,

I have a few simple things to say... 1. Stop being obsessed with being accepted by your parents!! People that have known you the longest are typically the hardest to get to accept you as who you really are and not who they think that you are!! Attempting suicide, hospitialization, depression, cutting, etc. over this concern is not productive and is not in your best interests. Understand that your parents are not the be all, end all of your life. They are simply human beings older than you, but are not more intelligent nor more capable than you! If your parents accept you as who you are great!! If not, so what! Life goes on! Remember that for most of your life, you will be an adult. Being a child, teenager, is only a very teeny tiny part of your life!! So to make decisions about your life (like ability to transition or not or what to do if your parents don't accept you) when you are a teen is not realistic. Your parents are just people, as confused as you are!! Don't be depressed because your parents don't accept you!! That is irrelevant!!

2. Part of being an adult is to accept responsibilty of your own life. There will come a time in your life that you will realize that you and you alone are making your life. Regardless of your parent's abilities of parenting. The day will come where that does not matter anyway. What I mean is this, regardless if your parents accept you or not, when you are an adult, you decide if you accept yourself or not. It does not matter what your parents think!!!

3. Since you are young, you probalbly cannot even begin to understand what I am saying. Understand this.... everything that you think is so important now as a teen in very short order will seem irrelevant to you. Ten years from now when you all are about 30ish, all of this, everything that you worried about today will seem so small that you won't even be able to relate to it!!

Summarily, I am saying is to stop torturing yourselvs over what you think your parents think!! You are on the cusp of being truely independant and free. Don't let the pettiness of your teenage years bog you down.

Love

bernii

It was worthy of resaying.

Wow. I have soooo much to say on this whole thing. Get yourself a beverage and chair, I'ma be a while.

Dude, I am one of the last people who "doesn't remember" what it was to be a teen . If someone offered me money to go back in time I would say "hell no". And I gotta tell you , actually, the reason that the above advice was given was because despite the pain that is current and that you know about what you don't know is what someone who's able to look back can see. And that is the falacy, the errors, blindnesses and shortsightedness, and failings of adults. Your parents are no different from any other adults in that they have the ability to BE WRONG. to be SHORTSIGHTED, to be BLIND by their own fears, assumptions, and insecurities. You speak of them like they are "infallable" and dang near "all powerful". They are not. And because they are not, their opinions about you and what you are, and what you should do CAN be irrelevant. It absolutely maddens me to hear you say "I want to go in the hospital so I can hide behind somebody's coat and let them tell them". And I'm tempted to tell you what basically a therapist of mine told me when I was in my early twenties; if you do -if thats what you need- then maybe you do need to go in that hospital so they can straighten your head out and let you learn that your life is for you to stand up for. :mad: I hate using that face...... honestly I'm not mad at you. I'm mad that you think this. Because I know that you are capable of standing up for your own life....you're just afraid. And I can't be mad at you -or anyone- for being afraid. You said "I was never taught to do these things for myself". Honestly? I wasn't either. I come off like I probably was. And I think that's in my best interest :P But truthfully? I did very little for myself growning up. VERY little. It wasn't asked. Basic things like "how to pay a light bill" ? I had to learn at almost 20. And then from someone else. Not my parent. It was assumed that all I would ever need to know how to do in this life was say "I do" and get pregnant. Nothing else in truth. Not pay a bill. Not get a mortgage. Nada. And that is a "crippled" way to raise somebody. Beholden. Vulnerable. and Dependent. But you don't have to be.

It is available to you that you learn how to do all of that. How to talk to people when you have these things to do, what to say, where to go for help on matters, all of it. Other people can help you (and it is frightening to think of letting anyone know exactly how much you don't know. You'll have to be careful.) And a lot of what you need to know you right now are using a vital tool to help teach you. -The internet. Its an easy, anonymous, "safe" way to find out the answers to a LOT of things; things you need to know to be able to take care of yourself. And if some of that is what you'll get out of being in that hospital then I won't critisize you for it. Ask for a social worker. They have them in every hospital especially in psych wards. Tell her/him (see if you can request a female, they're more "empathetic" by and large) just what you said here. "I don't have the skills to be independent, can you help me learn them". A good social worker will do exactly that and in all likelihood set you up in some classes called "life skills". Be clear that it isn't just a formal education you want but everyday life skills.

Be sure about this "hospital" choice.

A psych ward can be a very scary place. The possibility of abuse runs high. It always reminded me of being in prison but it being co-ed and without the security of a locked door. You'll have staff and possible other patients to be careful of. If its a ward in a local hospital (not a private specifically "psych" hospital) you should know too that often inmates from jails use the "I need psychiatric care" route to get out of general population and get placed there. OR they may be sentenced to your unit if they are low security. A psyche ward is also typically the first stop for drug addicts before moving on to rehab houses. In short, you may be in contact with some peeps who could scare the hell out of you. Just know it ahead of time.

Every one here has already said "question anything prescribed" and it can't be said enough. A psych ward can easily become a "factory" of prescribing. Its an easy way to "control the population". You don't want to go in scared and worried and come out actually impaired.

MAKE SURE YOU COME CLEAN ON EVERYTHING THATS ACTUALLY GOING ON AND CLEARLY before the prescribing begins. Do not play "coy" and say "I think I'm a man". That reads as "psychotic" and they'll holler "break out the thorazin". You have every idea you are physically female. Be CLEAR on that.

If you think goin in a psych unit is an "easy" route in which docs and all will "handle it all for you" and you just come out after its all fixed with mom and dad and move forward? WRONG. YOU will have to do most of that work. And then you'll be doing it with (possibly) the "stigma" of being "unbalanced" in their opinion. You think they second guess what you say now?

Think about it all before you do it. Be POSITIVE its the only place you can get the help. Notice I didn't say only "way" but only "place".

Therapy is good. When you have a good therapist. (Doesn't sound like you do, you need to look for another) Help and doctors are excellent if they are whats needed. The thing is being sure of what your need is.

If I thought you were hallucinating or psychotic I would be all for this kind of move because its the best chance a person has to protect you from yourself while you are out of touch with reality. But I don't really think that's going on with you.

I dunno. You say you worry that you'll end up being harmful to you or someone else. And in that case I have no argument with you wanting to make sure neither of those things happen. I even can see looking for someone to help you with practical steps for your life while you are there. I just want you to be careful.

When you do feel like coming back -if you ever do- we'll still be here. And we'll still know you ;)

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Guest Leigh

wow... well said, Evan.

i have to say, as someone who was also home-schooled, and never taught how to be self reliant, you have to be very determined to become independent.

lucky for me i started working while i was still in high school, so i at least have work experience.

but, Michael, the key is to never give up. you can never admit defeat. i know that's not really totally possible, but what i'm trying to say is never write yourself off as being unable to do something.

you don't need your parents to provide for you. if you keep thinking this way, you will never gain independence. you just have to take whatever resources you have and use them as much as you can to get up on your own feet. go to school. get a job (i know it's hard to find one right now, but i'm sure you know someone who could get you an in somewhere). try volunteering, and working on hobbies. anything that will help you be more prepared for the future.

i was afraid i wouldn't be able to move out this year (i'm turning 20! it's pretty lame for me to still be living at home) so i started looking online to try and find roommates, or some program that i can do to get out of here. (i'm working on my americorps aplication).

there is a way, you just have to find it.

like i've said, i'm always here if you have a question, or want some advice.

as always, keep us posted.

peace&love

leigh

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Guest Neuro

Thanks for the advice, Evan J. I do not think it is a psych ward, and like others have said; I am an adult and can leave at any time. It is mostly invasive therapy...? or something.

I know I am not crazy, but I think something is wrong in my head... no matter what I try, I cannot see the happiness in anything for long. I am afraid I may BECOME crazy before long, and do not want to risk it for the people around me's sakes.

And thank you, Leigh. I will tell them I need to change. I think his personal beliefs are hindering his ability to help people like me--he said that he had a transgender female before, and she left before treatment was over (because I had to ask if he treated all his trans clients this way. Hmmmm... Wonder why she left?)

I will be back for sure. Nothing can stop visiting my family!

I do think I have to go, though... if I don't, I don't think I can move on with my life. If this first session does not work, I am not going through with it.

I am just a very (yes, I am saying it again) stupid person, who has no idea how to barely even think correct. This hospital will not brainwash me. I will not put up with garbage from doctors or fellow patients... I just want something to change. I guess that is a masochistic side taking over my usual sadistic motives.

--Michael

P.S: I might not be on until late tomorrow, or the day after because I will be in the hospital early from about 9:00 TX time. I will TRY MY BEST to write in on how it is... good or bad, it might help to share an experience. I hope.

If I can't get back to you all for some reason, you gotta know that: I love you all and please do not worry, take care of yourselves and try try TRY to be happy, pursue it that is my only wish of anything in the world. I would rather be a girl forever than choose against any of your happinesses.

Love,

--Michael

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Good luck to you sweetheart, you know that I will be there with you in soirit.

You can squeeze my hand anytime that you need to.

Love ya,

Sally

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Guest Neuro

Thank you Sally... ugh, I need to sleep... gotta wake up early. And then I can come back...? I don't wanna go... but Im so sleepy...

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Guest Neuro

Thank you, Sally.

I am back from the hospital (early)

They said that the therapy kind of thing would not be good for my situation. They are trying to find doctors in the area that can help. My parents have been told about the matter, but they seem more worried that I get outside and eat than accept my gender...? I am so confused, nothing makes sense.

I am happy I do not have to have an extended stay, though. Sorry to worry everyone... I will NOT be leaving anytime soon, fffffff!

--Michael

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Guest Elizabeth K

YEAAAAA

Scared me half to death - whew (Donna Jean says that happens twice you are in trouble!)

Tell us all about what DIDN"T Happen!

Grin

Lizzy

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Guest 1charlotte1
Later:

Whenever I get well I am going to dye my hair blonde. Just for grins. :3

I know I am not insane, because I think clearly most of the time. But I am afraid and hopeless, and selfish. I don't believe there is anything I can do to live happy as a man.

Does anyone know how to deal with fits of hopelessness? They are getting more serious and frequent, especially since my antidepressants were increased dose. I am worried I might kill myself, or ruin someones life.

Does anyone have any advice on just being able to live happy, or confess to conservative parents about being trans?

Again I apologize if General Chat is wrong thread. I'm so foolish lately ffff.

I love you all

--Michael

When things feel hopeless, I put on my favorite outfit, and go out with my friends. People help. I used to always try to be alone but it never worked. And trust me I feel hopeless the majority of the time. If this doesn't help u then I must be the odd one!

Luv, Charlotte

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Guest StrandedOutThere
Thank you, Sally.

I am back from the hospital (early)

They said that the therapy kind of thing would not be good for my situation. They are trying to find doctors in the area that can help. My parents have been told about the matter, but they seem more worried that I get outside and eat than accept my gender...? I am so confused, nothing makes sense.

I am happy I do not have to have an extended stay, though. Sorry to worry everyone... I will NOT be leaving anytime soon, fffffff!

--Michael

Michael, eating and getting outside are pretty important. You've gotta get healthy so you'll be strong and able to take on the world!

I'm glad you didn't have to stay in the hospital long. My brother had to go a while back. He wasn't a big fan.

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Guest julia_d
I am back from the hospital (early) That's good .. hospitals aren't really places to get the taste for hanging around in for long

They said that the therapy kind of thing would not be good for my situation. They are trying to find doctors in the area that can help. My parents have been told about the matter, but they seem more worried that I get outside and eat than accept my gender...? I am so confused, nothing makes sense. Theres a world out there with food in it . (sorry Sally.. I thought of you then and grinned) . and a mix of good and bad things. Some days it is great and other days it sucks but that's all we have so why not take a bite?

I am happy I do not have to have an extended stay, though. Sorry to worry everyone... I will NOT be leaving anytime soon, fffffff! Great to have you back .. your parents response is interesting. They are obviously a bit stumped how to take it all in.. don't worry.. they haven't exploded or thrown you out or anything crazy. That's a very good omen

--Michael

Yup.. hopefully they will come through with some professional help of the kind you are looking for quite quickly. It seems they agree with what you think is the main cause and that isn't going to go away with some talking you out of it.. like we had any doubts anyway.

I think your parents have a good idea.. go out and have some fun being you while you wait for these doctors to get themselves sorted out... Maybe they will even give you some spending change to do what they suggest? .. worth a try anyway .. pizza doesn't buy itself XD

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I am back from the hospital (early)

They said that the therapy kind of thing would not be good for my situation. They are trying to find doctors in the area that can help. My parents have been told about the matter, but they seem more worried that I get outside and eat than accept my gender...? I am so confused, nothing makes sense.

I am happy I do not have to have an extended stay, though. Sorry to worry everyone... I will NOT be leaving anytime soon, fffffff!

I'm glad that you'll still be here ^^ especially after talking to you in the chat last night. That was fun, and we'll have to do that again/start doing it more often. Not sure if you got on later... but if you were, sorry that I wasn't there. I pretty much collapsed in bed for 12-14 hours (spent 2 of 'em just lying there this morning).

You said your parents had been told about "the matter"? Are you referring to being in the hospital, or being transgender? It sounds like you meant they learned you're trans*, and if so, their logic makes no sense to me either. It looks like you are going to have to really "come out" and have a face-to-face with them about it, which could be tough... but necessary.

Keep us updated, okay oniichan?

Hugs,

-Eth

P.S: I looked it up. For 'younger sister', it's imoto when referring to one's own sister, and imoto-san when referring to someone else's sister.

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Guest Leigh
Thank you, Sally.

I am back from the hospital (early)

They said that the therapy kind of thing would not be good for my situation. They are trying to find doctors in the area that can help. My parents have been told about the matter, but they seem more worried that I get outside and eat than accept my gender...? I am so confused, nothing makes sense.

I am happy I do not have to have an extended stay, though. Sorry to worry everyone... I will NOT be leaving anytime soon, fffffff!

--Michael

oh thank god. you had me worried.

maybe it won't be as hard as you thought with your parents...?

let us know if they ok the new therapist, etc.

peace&love (and glad you're not going to disappear)

leigh

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Michael,

I am so glad that you didn't have to stay.

For now do what your parents asked you to, eat something and go outside it is a nice day in North Texas so the news says - go out and enjoy it.

Then when they try to not send you to a gender therapist, remind them thet you have cooperated with them and this is very important to you.

Love ya,

Sally

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Guest Evan_J

Well at least the hospital was honest and didn't intake you knowing that wasn't what was going to be helpful. Be glad. You could have been "shuffled" in as "opportunity for payment #979008". They also get bonus points for helping you actually find valid help.

As for your parents I think their response (go outside and eat) is their way of "doing something they're sure of" . Basically the reaction of the hospital sent two messages, a) you're not nuts b ) your situation does qualify asking for someone in the area of gender variance.

And now I think you need to decide: pepperoni or no?

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Guest Pól

Mike, I'm really glad you don't have to go into the hospital. It already sounded pretty scary to me, and that what with Evan's post and everything, I'm very glad you're not doing that. You've gotten some pretty good advice. For the slightly more long term, I think if you make it clear to your parents that you need help, they will probably want to get you help, so try to get some kind of an appointment with the people Sally sent you contact info for, and ask about a sliding scale. For now, go outside and walk around. You could try cooking something instead of ordering in. I'm a somewhat lousy cook, but sometimes it's fun anyway and there's something about doing a thing like that that's so tactile that gives you a finished product at the end (even if your finished product is a charred mass of unidentifiable material).

Take care of yourself now,

Pól

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Guest Victoriaf

I am so happy that we did not have to do without you for long. Hopefuly now your parents will come around but I think their suggestion to get outside is good regardless. It is amazing how sunshine and air will make you feel better.

We are all here for you if you ever need to talk. I know you knew that just wanted to say it again

Hugs

Victoria

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Guest Neuro

Thank you everyone. </3

I have told my parents I am trans, and weather or not they wish to believe it is their problem; ne?

However, my mom did say: she wants to buy me a Hawaiian shirt, like my dad wears XD as my first item of male clothing. I said, "Only if I can have CSIMiami sunglasses to go with it".

Harh harh. My mother seems sad to lose a daughter, but happy that there is something she can do to help me be happy... my dad, is kind of ignoring it; but he is not being demeaning or anything so I think I am blessed; at least for now. My best friend came over and dropped off a friendship necklace, and told me to hang it on my wall because it was too girly for me to wear. So I have it next to my xxxHolic poster XD

We are trying to find therapists in our insurance and zip-code area, there are at least 4 who seem well-qualified.

I hope that things continue to improve, and that things start to move and not stand still! Thank you everyone here for support, the doctor told me that you all are a wonderful support group to keep me going like this. I told them many good things about the site, even though I left out specifics.

--Michael

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That sounds good Michael.

Progress may be slow but it is still progress!

As Donna Jean reminds anyone getting impatient - baby steps, baby steps.

Love ya,

Sally

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Oniichan!!

I'm glad that your parents aren't taking the news too badly. Hopefully they'll begin to understand soon and you'll be able to be yourself around them. I wouldn't hold my breath- but it'd be wonderful if they ended up supporting you. I really hope that they do, but at the very least I hope they'll accept you for who you are.

I'm glad that you're okay, and that you'll keep coming back. If you'd of left I'd have to hunt you down and drag you here >_< and that wouldn't be fun for either of us!! You're not allowed to leave here. If you do, I'll be without my big brother... and that's not OK. So you have to stay, got it?

It sounds like there's some progress since your mom is willing to let you buy some form of boy's clothing. Hopefully you can build on that and get a relationship with your parents with you as a male. With time, maybe they'll come to see you as a guy and let you shop for more male-specific clothing and all. We can only hope for the best...

Good luck Michael, and it's good to hear from you. Keep us updated and let us know how things go- okay?

Love,

your sister,

-Eth

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Guest Nikk

HOLY MUSHROOMS THAT'S AWESOME (your mom's comment made me laugh... Ironically, my first instance of wearing male clothing in a non-cosplay setting was wearing my dad's aloha shirt for a school dance. That was fun.... Good times, good times.....).

Well, I mean, it's awesome that they're not being too.... lack of vocabulary that doesn't include swearwords prevents me from putting in a word here. Just afterwards is always the hardest part of coming out - 'cause it's so freaking awkward. Meh, get through this and you can get through anything, and really, you killed the hardest part.

My brain isn't capable of formulating anything more coherent than that, but YAY! (I think?)

~Nikk

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      Good morning, everyone!!   My wife and I had our yearly Kentucky Derby Day evening. Dresses, heels, hats, Mint Juleps and a light dinner while watching the festivities and races. Relaxing and fun. I think we'll do the same for the Preakness in two weeks.   It's rainy and cool here today so it's pretty much going to keep me indoors. Ahh, well. A day of rest.   Enjoy and be safe!!
    • Ladypcnj
      Thanks Sally Stone
    • KymmieL
      Thanks, Mindy. It has been so far. Tomorrow, work some more on the wife's grand monkey. Got the right side of the hood primed, just need to do a little more work on the left then I can prime it. Then a 600grit wet sand.   I promised the wife we would take out the bike this weekend.   Kymmie
    • JessicaMW
      During my last visit with my psychologist (who has agreed to provide required letters of recommendation along with a colleague to provide the second) we discussed the shift towards my wife's acceptance. It was a long discussion but one point I mentioned was how much the two of us sitting down and watching this documentary helped:  The Kings | A transgender love story (2017)
    • Betty K
      Oops, I did not mean to post that comment yet! I was going to also say, having read a mountain of commentary on the Review, I think Julia Serano’s response (linked by Vicky above) is the most accurate and thorough. You can also read a non-paywalled version at Substack: https://juliaserano.substack.com/p/the-cass-review-wpath-files-and-the   To me the three key areas in which the review is deficient are:   1. As has already been said here, its views on social transition;   2. Its attempts to give credence to the “ROGD” theory (without ever actually mentioning ROGD because presumably a canny editor knows that would be too transparently transphobic);   3. To me, most crucially, its claims about trans youth and suicide, which are dealt with summarily in about five pages and do not stand up to any deeper scrutiny.    I will be writing about each of these issues in isolation over the next few weeks and appearing on a radio show and podcast to discuss them late in the month. I will post links to these on TP later if anyone is interested.   All that said, I actually think it’s dangerous for us to respond with outright vitriol and condemnation to the review since, like any effective piece of disinformation, it does actually contain some factually based and even helpful recommendations. The Tavistock Gender Identity Service really was underfunded and understaffed and certain staff were not adequately trained. Trans kids really were funnelled away from mental-health support once they started gender-affirming care too. So yes, more investment in youth psychology services would help, as would a less centralised model of care, more training in treatment of trans kids, and more research.   One last thing for now: beware the claim that Cass ignored 98% of studies. That’s not strictly true. She seems to have taken other studies into account but leaned heavily on the 2% that met her standards. Nor does she ever claim that only randomised controlled trials are good enough evidence to justify the use of blockers for kids; just as with ROGD, she strongly suggests this, but is too canny to say it, because she knows such trials would be impossible. For now, I think the best response to this comes from the Trans Safety Network: “[…] we believe there to be systemic biases in the ways that the review prioritises speculative and hearsay evidence to advance its own recommendations while using highly stringent evidence standards to exclude empirical and observational data on actual patients. “ (https://transsafety.network/posts/tsn-statement-on-cass-final-report/)   To me, the scariest aspect of all this is that, if it follows Cass’s recommendations, the NHS will very likely follow Finland’s recent model of trans care, which seems to amount to a prolonged form of conversion therapy. I can’t find the link right now, which is probably lucky for anyone reading this, but I bawled my guts out reading the testimonies of kids who had been mistreated by that system. Truly horrific. To me, at least from my Australian perspective, the Cass Review is the most frightening development in trans rights in recent years. To me, the safe care of trans kids is THE number one issue in politics atm.   Ruth Pierce has a good summary of responses from trans folk and their allies sk far: https://ruthpearce.net/2024/04/16/whats-wrong-with-the-cass-review-a-round-up-of-commentary-and-evidence/    
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