How did you get by pre T?

[Billy]

Hi everyone, 

I am having a difficult time at the moment - came out this summer as trans (my gut feeling is non binary but with a male tendency, I am AFAB). Pretty quickly, I got a new hair cut, started wearing men's clothes and got myself a binder. I also wrote a coming out email asking people to use my neutral nickname only, no pronouns or male pronouns. Some manage to do so, others not. But the dysphoria is not going away. I feel like the stretch between my inner feelings and how I look and how the world perceives me has become unbearable. I am only well when on my own with my body in very baggy clothes. So I am beginning to think whether I should go on T, then formally change name/gender marker and get a Mastek. In my  country the procedures are very lengthy though. So I am wondering how you folks managed to get through the time when you were half out but constantly misgendered? 

We have two young kids so I really want to function. I have to. 

Also, how did you manage to tweak who you are in your head when you were with the people who are closest to you? I find that I tend to fall back into my old roles with them and then loose touch with my new trans self and feel lost at the end of the day. 

Many thanks for your feedback! 

[DonkeySocks]

6 hours ago, Billy said:

Also, how did you manage to tweak who you are in your head when you were with the people who are closest to you? I find that I tend to fall back into my old roles with them and then loose touch with my new trans self and feel lost at the end of the day. 

I'm sorry for your suffering. I sympathize. I struggle with the role amongst family, too. Is there any way you could use some kind of a talisman to help you to remember who you want to be when you have to act like what they expect? Could you carry or wear jewelry with the trans flag on it, or something with your chosen name on it that you could touch or look at as a reminder?

[luke_b]

Similar to 

2 hours ago, DonkeySocks said:

a talisman to help you to remember who you want to be when you have to act like what they expect

I have a small collection of papers/stickers/documents that have my name and pronouns written on them that I like to think of when I get misgendered or when I had to act like a girl in the past. The papers are all stuck to the inside of my closet door, so when I was closeted nobody would see. It helped to have something physical that showed I was indeed who I said I was, unlike what others thought/think. 

 

As for misgendering yourself, it honestly takes time to switch into using different pronouns, because you are so used to using different ones, even if the old ones don't feel right. It's taken years for me to get used to it, but eventually it'll click.

[A. Dillon]

It seems impossible at first, but you get adjusted to it. I have been out for almost a year, and now I can hardly believe that I was ever a "girl." Patience with yourself and the world is all you need. If you need someone to talk to individually, or some advice, message me. 

[Billy]

Many thanks for your great replies. I will try out these ideas. 

All the best