What to do when your genetics are detrimental to the look that reflects who you are?

[VickySGV]

1 hour ago, Audrey said:

this sort of envy of what other people have ultimately ends up being self-defeating. Instead, focus on what we like about ourselves, and what fills us with confidence.

 

This is a key concept behind all of my comments in subjects on the dreaded "not passing".  Yes, I have people all the time telling me I look fine, and I am even now having days when I feel they are buttering me up insincerely.  Another part of me knows full well I am actually a role model of sorts for the Trans community, and I do stand in front of audiences with them knowing full well I am trans but when they realize I am basically an ordinary person, they warm up to me, and at that point it becomes Vicky and <random name> Doris, not Trans and Cis.  Being confident and friendly are wonderful looks to have on your face even if you forgot to shave an hour ago. 

[Rorelai]

13 hours ago, Audrey said:

That said, this sort of envy of what other people have ultimately ends up being self-defeating. Instead, focus on what we like about ourselves, and what fills us with confidence. Confidence is attractive, and it can't be bought in any store, prescribed by any doctor, or changed by any surgeon. The images of women in the media with impossible-to-attain figures undermine confidence. Those images also have the potential to do tremendous damage both psychologically and physically - not just to trans women, but to *all* women. That's why I'm a big believer in body positive thinking. As many others have said, changing how you think can have far more of an effect than changing how you look. Surround yourself with people who help you think positive and it'll really help you along in your transition.

Like Audrey says, changing your mindset can be monumental when it comes to how you perceive yourself. What little positive trans representation exists in the media tends to be skinny, petite, surgically enhanced, unclockable supermodel-esque girls, and the reality is very few of us look like that. Don't get me wrong there's nothing inherently bad about looking like that but it can be really detrimental to your own mental health to only compare yourself to that image. The reality is that trans women are a diverse group of people, and we come in all shapes, sizes, and skin tones. Something that helped me was to look through tags on tumblr like #girlslikeus because there are pictures of all kinds of trans girls there and I was able to find others that look like me. Even if Tumblr isn't your preferred social media site similar tags exist on other platforms and could help you see the beauty in others, and by extension the beauty in yourself. 

[Astrid]

15 hours ago, Audrey said:

 For example, I have the frame of an offensive tackle. At the same time, I also have a full head of hair when many my age struggle with male pattern baldness. I'm sure someone out there would trade their smaller frame for my head of hair.

 

For me, you're precisely on-target with that comparison, @Audrey!  I have that smaller frame, but my MPB is something I struggle with, especially because I'm not all that comfortable with wigs, either, as a way to address it.  I'd say that I'm semi-confident with my presentation, but sensitive and certainly not fully confident.  It's a struggle that I'll continue to work on, I do know that.  I can say that I've made steady progress with my self-image (with the help of a gender therapist) and physical development (with the help of estradiol and an excellent gender clinic), but this is an ongoing journey, and I accept that there's more work for me in this area.  I've already overcome many of my earlier fears, and I need to keep chipping away at those that remain.

 

15 hours ago, Audrey said:

I'm a big believer in body positive thinking. As many others have said, changing how you think can have far more of an effect than changing how you look. Surround yourself with people who help you think positive and it'll really help you along in your transition.

 

Oh, yes!  Excellently worded!

 

With thanks,

 

Astrid

 

[Jackie C.]

3 hours ago, Astrid said:

I'm not all that comfortable with wigs

 

May I suggest headscarves? Fashionable, affordable, attractive and low-maintenance. Also what I wear to the gym. You can tie them in a bunch of fun ways and they cover your scalp in admirable fashion. Most also have provisions to let a ponytail or whatnot flow out the back.

Granted I'm an alopecia patient, but I find myself collecting them just because they make a statement. Nobody would bat an eye.

 

Hugs!

[Astrid]

2 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

 

May I suggest headscarves? Fashionable, affordable, attractive and low-maintenance. Also what I wear to the gym. You can tie them in a bunch of fun ways and they cover your scalp in admirable fashion. Most also have provisions to let a ponytail or whatnot flow out the back.

Granted I'm an alopecia patient, but I find myself collecting them just because they make a statement. Nobody would bat an eye.

 

Hugs!

 

Thank you for the suggestion, @Jackie C.!  I'll certainly make a date with my mirror to check out the possibilities. ??