What are you wearing today?

[Birdie]

8 minutes ago, Betty K said:

I can’t help thinking how amazing it would be to have a man see me without the word “trans” (or worse!) popping into his head.

Is having someone seeing you for "who you are" and loving your for it so bad?

If I were to ever date again (most likely not), I believe that I would tell them before the first date. 

At least we could go into things without concealment of any sort. 🤔

 

 

[RaineOnYourParade]

3 hours ago, Betty K said:

It would be so great to meet a guy who wasn’t pursuing me simply because I am trans.

Ah yes, the guys who want to "experiment". I'm a boy and you're straight so stop trying to "experiment" on me :))

[RaineOnYourParade]

I haven't really had this problem with girls also (yet), but one or two gay guys. If it'll get you to stop talking to me, I'll pretend to be a woman

[Birdie]

10 minutes ago, RaineOnYourParade said:

If it'll get you to stop talking to me, I'll pretend to be a woman

Lol 🤣

 

I should try that when elderly gents chat me up whilst eating in the food court. 

 

As they pull up chair next to mine to chat, I could respond (in my deepest voice), "What's up bro?"

 

[RaineOnYourParade]

31 minutes ago, Birdie said:

Lol 🤣

 

I should try that when elderly gents chat me up whilst eating in the food court. 

 

As they pull up chair next to mine to chat, I could respond (in my deepest voice), "What's up bro?"

 

“Hey, baby, come her oft—“

*in baritone* “Hey, dude, what’s up?”

”Wh—“

[SamC]

On 8/28/2023 at 5:51 PM, RaineOnYourParade said:

Hey, take that he couldn't get his head around it at first as a compliment, I guess? *laughs awkwardly*

 

Hope it goes well! 

Thank you. I can see he is trying. Only time will tell. 

[Betty K]

59 minutes ago, RaineOnYourParade said:

 

I haven't really had this problem with girls also (yet)

 

In my experience cis women are WAYYYY more sophisticated than cis men when it comes to gender. Most men I meet seem frightened or offended by anyone whose gender doesn’t easily fit in a box, whereas most women seem inspired by it, or at very least not bothered. I notice younger men are much less challenged in this way than gen-x-ers.

[Birdie]

1 minute ago, SamC said:

Thank you. I can see he is trying. Only time will tell. 

You are quite smashing dear! If he continues in the relationship he has struck gold. 💞

[SamC]

On 8/29/2023 at 7:12 AM, Ashley0616 said:

@SamC I’ll keep you in my prayers in to hoping things will work out and of course your safety. 

Thank you. He is a sweet guy, but we can’t control feelings 

[SamC]

1 minute ago, Birdie said:

You are quite smashing dear! If he continues in the relationship he has struck gold. 💞

Birdie, you are so nice to say that

[Ashley0616]

In my experience both just treat me as a sugar mama. Maybe I just need to wait till the estrogen kicks in and starts changing my body. 

[Ashley0616]

@SamC he would be silly not to continue dating you. You are definitely a catch. You look amazing and sound great too!

[RaineOnYourParade]

5 minutes ago, SamC said:

Thank you. I can see he is trying. Only time will tell. 

The fact he's trying in the first place is reassuring, and I hope it all works out!

 

3 minutes ago, Betty K said:

In my experience cis women are WAYYYY more sophisticated than cis men when it comes to gender.

Yup, same. I feel like a lot of cis girls are more like either "Cool, you're queer" or "Doesn't really affect me". Somehow, cis dudes take it personally.

[SamC]

5 hours ago, Betty K said:

Ugh I wish I could have this experience! It would be so great to meet a guy who wasn’t pursuing me simply because I am trans. I do get the safety issues though, and it must hurt to reveal yourself only to possibly be rejected. I hope he comes around.

BettyK, you are magnificent. 
 

I can tell this guy likes me.  Whether he remains attracted now he knows?

[RaineOnYourParade]

2 minutes ago, Ashley0616 said:

@SamC he would be silly not to continue dating you. You are definitely a catch. You look amazing and sound great too!

^ this, this is right.

[Birdie]

4 minutes ago, Betty K said:

In my experience cis women are WAYYYY more sophisticated than cis men when it comes to gender. Most men I meet seem frightened or offended by anyone whose gender doesn’t easily fit in a box, whereas most women seem inspired by it, or at very least not bothered. I notice younger men are much less challenged in this way than gen-x-ers.

In the baby boomers (eh, that unfortunately includes me *bowing my head in shame*), I find the resistance towards trans, intersex, etc... to be about the same regardless of if it's cis male or cis female. 

I do find the cis-females are a bit more tactful in how they respond, but still voice their disapproval. 

 

I am blessed that I can slip under the radar in stealth mode as female. But things would change upon dating!

 

Cis-women that know I'm intersex understand that I was born this way and are quite understanding, but I don't want to have that conversation with everyone I meet. 

[gemmalouise]

There is always dating a friend who already knows.  Anyone suitable?

[Betty K]

21 minutes ago, RaineOnYourParade said:

Yup, same. I feel like a lot of cis girls are more like either "Cool, you're queer" or "Doesn't really affect me". Somehow, cis dudes take it personally.

 

To be fair, I remember living as a cis dude (or trying to) and it wasn't fun. The number of unspoken rules that were violently ground into me from a young age! Some of these guys are just terrified, I think. It's pure front. They just wanna convince themselves and everybody else that they're "normal", and then freaks like us come along and flaunt it in their faces. I try to remind myself to feel sorry for them, but it's not always easy.

 

23 minutes ago, SamC said:

BettyK, you are magnificent. 

 

Shucks.

[Betty K]

17 minutes ago, Birdie said:

In the baby boomers (eh, that unfortunately includes me *bowing my head in shame*), I find the resistance towards trans, intersex, etc... to be about the same regardless of if it's cis male or cis female. 

 

So far I'd definitely say women are more accepting of me. I have had a few older women stop me in the street and lavish praise on me. I think some of them are overjoyed that people like me exist and can feel safe in the streets (where I live, at least). As to boomer men, I've had a few nice responses and a few more unhappy or bamboozled stares.

[RaineOnYourParade]

1 minute ago, Betty K said:

 

To be fair, I remember living as a cis dude (or trying to) and it wasn't fun. The number of unspoken rules that were violently ground into me from a young age! Some of these guys are just terrified, I think. It's pure front. They just wanna convince themselves and everybody else that they're "normal", and then freaks like us come along and flaunt it in their faces. I try to remind myself to feel sorry for them, but it's not always easy.

Yeah, I guess I get that to a certain extent since I had a lot of internalized transphobia/homophobia as a kid. Then I got to maybe middle school and realized "Wait, I'm not the only gay person". Took me a little longer on to get the "oh, I'm a dude" realization, but we got there eventually

[Betty K]

2 minutes ago, RaineOnYourParade said:

I had a lot of internalized transphobia/homophobia as a kid.

 

I was born in 1973 and grew up in an outer suburb of an isolated provincial Australian city. I would have had to have been superhuman not to have had internalised homophobia. As to transphobia, being trans -- even mentioning anything related to being trans -- was the ultimate taboo. I understand intimately why cis men my age are generally so uptight, because I was indoctrinated with the same fear, hatred and downright nonsense as they were. I can't even imagine what it would have been like to have been born in the 50s or 60s. The mere thought fills me with pity for any trans person that lived through that.

[Ashley0616]

Tshirt style dress. 

[RaineOnYourParade]

16 minutes ago, Betty K said:

 

I was born in 1973 and grew up in an outer suburb of an isolated provincial Australian city. I would have had to have been superhuman not to have had internalised homophobia. As to transphobia, being trans -- even mentioning anything related to being trans -- was the ultimate taboo. I understand intimately why cis men my age are generally so uptight, because I was indoctrinated with the same fear, hatred and downright nonsense as they were. I can't even imagine what it would have been like to have been born in the 50s or 60s. The mere thought fills me with pity for any trans person that lived through that.

Ouch, sounds tough. That makes sense, and I don't envy those born in the 1950s at all

 

10 minutes ago, Ashley0616 said:

Tshirt style dress. 

That speaks to me

[Birdie]

48 minutes ago, gemmalouise said:

There is always dating a friend who already knows.  Anyone suitable?

Hmm, good question? 🤔

[Ashley0616]

2 minutes ago, RaineOnYourParade said:

That speaks to me

LOL. Mine is mostly due to Iraq. Carrying 80 pounds of gear minimum in 156 degrees and working 14 hour shifts.