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Happier as the Opposite Gender?


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Thank you @ElizabethStar. The last month has been really difficult for me. I'm still trying to work through my "sad" problem, my doctor has upped my dose of antidepressant, seems to help.. lol. I'm happy to be back. I missed all you girls.

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  • Who's Online   6 Members, 0 Anonymous, 92 Guests (See full list)

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  • Posts

    • Ethereal
      Hi, I hope this thread isn't inappropriate or in the wrong sub-forum.   I identify as a homosexual trans guy, although I don't accept my sexuality fully. I also have doubts about it. After I came out of the closet, I started meeting more LGBTQIA+ people and I found out that I was attracted to transgender women too. Maybe androgyny played a part in this attraction, which worries me a bit, because I know that certain characteristics may actually be a dysphoria trigger for some. I see trans women as women. And my feelings are not purely sexual. I worry a lot about this, I don't want anybody thinking that I am objectifying them even if subconsciously. I would date them with no problem - many of the trans girls I've seen were intelligent and artistic, which impressed me in a good way, as they are qualities I seek for in a friend and a partner. I've kissed both cis and trans ladies and I liked that. However, they probably saw me as butch female since I don't pass completely yet. I've always been into men - masculine, feminine or any variation of that... I don't care if they are cis or not, either. However, my attraction to cisgender women is almost null, it only happens rarely and doesn't last long. I'm slightly curious, but not enough to seek them out just to experiment sexually or to have a relationship.   I feel extremely conflicted regarding this issue.   I've considered the label "bisexual homoromantic" before and it fits somewhat, although I'd still rather identify as gay because I am still primarily attracted to males, and gay culture is a bit more relatable to me, though not 100% as I'm not into stereotypically gay interests such as pop divas and musicals. I may start using the term "queer", but I don't know yet.   Is it wrong for me to be this way? Would a MtF person be offended by my interest?
    • Ethereal
      This is extremely sad. I am very sorry to hear that this happened. It is unfortunate that we still have to deal with bullying and transphobia - coming from adults, no less. Like others have said here, the very person who should have protected her, didn't. This is a crime. The counselor absolutely needs to be fired and potentially prohibited from working as a counselor ever again at the very least.   Here in Brazil, there is a lot of transphobia too. What a shame.
    • Ethereal
      Are you Japanese? Your English is very good. I'd love to learn Japanese. I'm not non-binary so I may not be able to assist you very much...  I think that dysphoria can change depending on the day and situation.   At first, it is very odd to hear someone call you by a different name but you get used to it after a while. You might be more comfortable using a different pronoun and name around certain people, there is no issue in that, although you may need to correct someone once in a while. You can always have a pseudonym, too, and if you're up for experimenting, there are gender neutral names such as Makoto or Tsukasa.
    • Vanessa Michelle
      I am a police and fire commissioner and a former volunteer firefighter. I love our first responders and am so thankful for them (you) all! ❤️
    • Ethereal
      Thanks Appreciate the support.
    • Ethereal
      I still have a bit of internalised transphobia within me as well as internalised homophobia. I don't accept myself as a real homosexual male because I didn't have a cisgender experience and because there are gay guys who aren't attracted to FtM at all. Some aren't kind about it and this triggered dysphoria for me.   I once made a comment without thinking and got called homophobic which deeply scarred me, too, because I don't want to be prejudiced towards anyone, and it would be hypocritical for me to be homophobic.   I am a trans man who also grew up in a conservative environment, and I grew up hearing transphobic jokes. I even laughed at them. My family, even after I came out of the closet, doesn't accept me very well and mocks me, so there are times where I hate being transgender. I'm not a stereotypical FtM either since I don't want to present overly masculine. I also like makeup. I feel out of place in the FtM community. Most of the trans guys I know identified as lesbians before they figured out their gender identity. I seem to have almost nothing in common with them, which doesn't help the feelings of isolation and alienation.   I tried getting back to living as a woman but it didn't work out - I was only trying to fool myself. I had an epiphany that I really am a man no matter if I transitioned or not. And I'll have to accept my trans body.   It took me a while for me to get comfortable with male pronouns. Before I came out, when I presented as male online, I feared being "found out as a girl" and called out as an impostor.   But now I've relaxed. The only issue I have is that I don't pass very well yet so I have to make an effort to look more masculine. After my transition, I won't care too much.   It's better to live as ourselves than pretend to be something we are not.
    • Vanessa Michelle
      @EtherealWelcome to the group!! So glad you joined us! Sexuality and gender are not black and white and that's ok. We all identify in a way that best suits our internal sense of self. I'm glad to see you processing and exploring yours as well. Congrats on starting HRT! Thank you for sharing your story with us! I trust you will find this a welcoming and friendly place. ❤️
    • Ethereal
      Hi! I'm a 22 year old trans guy from Brazil. My name is Thanassis, but you can call me by my username since it is easier to remember. I'd been questioning my gender since puberty, but things got more complicated when I turned 20 and I finally came out around that time. It was very painful and confusing. I'm still trying to come to terms with my gender and my sexuality. I identify as gay but I might really be slightly bisexual. It is difficult for me to deal with. I am also somewhat androgynous, I want to look like the man I am, but I would not mind wearing makeup or feminine clothes sometimes. Of course, I would love to have a beard and be able to wear a suit too. I am heavily inspired by subculture fashion and artists who defied gender stereotypes, so it makes sense. But sometimes I feel out of it in the FtM community. I haven't come out to everyone yet, but I will have to do that soon. I started HRT around October last year.   I'm into music and art in general, different cultures, technology, video games and other niche interests. Nice to meet you all.
    • Ethereal
      @Vanessa Michelle I will do that, thank you!
    • Ethereal
      I think that is awesome. There needs to be more acceptance of variances in gender expression. I've seen bullying towards MtF who did not present stereotypically femme and I have seen bullying towards FtM who were not macho. It is sad to see that. I am a FtM guy who is androgynous. I want to be able to wear makeup and feminine clothing, at the same time that I want to have a beard and wear a suit and tie. Being feminine as a woman felt constricting to me and like I was putting on an act. I am gay so it may be expected for homosexual men to disregard gender expectations, but the point still stands.    It is completely ok for you to be a straight woman who is butch. There are guys who are into that, but keep in mind that you might also get hit on by lesbian or bisexual ladies. Before I came out, I looked butch/androgynous, and I had interest coming from both heterosexual guys and queer women.   Don't feel like an odd duck - this is all completely fine
    • Ethereal
      I am similar to you. I've had depression since childhood and dysphoria made my symptoms worse. I think it is not at all unusual. I'd classify my dysphoria level as medium  - it took me ages for me to come out as trans since I was able to tolerate my body until the year 2018, when my dysphoria was off the roof and I was very emotionally unstable.   I had been doubting my gender identity since I was 12 - I came out at 20. It was a hard year for me and I even started dissociating because I was unsure of what I was. I wanted to be a man, but still had doubts about it. I knew that I was not opposed to androgyny. I wanted to have different genitals, and a flat chest, etc. But I was unsure about having a different voice and things like that. It was a fear of the unknown.   There were days in which I could look down and see my body and almost be content with it, but there was something that still bothered me. People would tell me that I sounded like a non-binary person, but as it turns out - I am just a man, in my own terms. I will wear what I want and do what I want. I don't want to be a macho man at all. I will wear a suit in some days and I might use makeup when I feel like it. And that's ok. Even after I came out, I still went back to being a "girl" because I was repressing myself. It just ended in trouble.   You do not need to adhere to any "rules". Transition the way you think is best. It is your life, your mind and your body. Experiment with pronouns and a name. It will be odd at first - I feared using male pronouns for the longest time because I thought someone would think I was an impostor. It was a silly thought.   Try dressing up more masculine and see if that clicks with you. Get a short haircut or even buzz your hair off, etc. Present as a male online. See how you feel about it. I hope you find the path that works for you.
    • KymmieL
      Unfortunately, I haven't been employed at one place long enough to eek out a retirement. Luckily I have my VA disability. But I am at least 10 yrs from SS. Don't have to worry about medical VA pays for it all. (hopefully soon my HRT.)   Work was as boring as I thought or maybe it is me. However I did get in my new work shirts. Ladies with Kymbrill on them.  Actually afraid to wear them.   My wife was talking about summer travel plans. I have worked on my own plan. Just hop on the bike and just ride. just me and the open road for a week. Take some time for me.   Have good evening everyone.   Kymmie
    • Vanessa Michelle
      @EtherealSweet!! Welcome to you too! Please start an Introductions post for yourself as well and share your story if you are comfy. We are glad to have you here too and can't wait to get to know you!! ❤️
    • Vanessa Michelle
      Awesomeness, will do. Thanks Vicky!
    • VickySGV
      The Chat rooms have been having trouble with participation recently and in all likelihood need the calendars revised.  I would have to go into the Community Center and ask one of the mods there what is going on.  Introduce yourself there and ask away.  The Chat Rooms have a different staff from the Forums, so not too many of us in the forums know what is going on there.  @princecharmless aka Stu is the admin boss there.  
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