How I Came to Learn About Being Transgender

[Guest]

Preface: Okay... here's another story from my past. You know how us old geezers like to tell stories (even if my stories aren't your typical old geezer story... LOL!) I wanted to mention here how much I appreciate other members' comments to my previous threads. My course in life is pretty-much set. I will never transition. But I feel an almost compulsive need to relate the stories I tell here to people who understand. And I have no one in real life I can tell them to. So writing them out here is comforting. Don't worry though. I'll run out of them eventually... probably sooner rather than later. There's only so many I have to tell.

 

One thing I have to mention here is that, throughout the majority of my life, I eschewed popular culture. Somehow I saw myself as being above all of that. It was hogwash of course. But what it did was it prevented me from learning anything about being transgender or about other people who were transgender and were transitioning (or already had) until I was around 60 years old. (I should mention here that my memory is not what it used to be & my timelines may not be completely accurate.)

 

As I recall I stopped working in my early 50's due to a combination of medical and mental health related problems. My wife graciously offered to become the sole breadwinner and I became a house husband. She had always earned more money than I was able to anyway. (The fact that she voluntarily supported me for so many years though is actually part of the reason I will never transition & why I keep my gender identity issues to myself although she did come to know of them along the way. I feel I owe her that.) 

 

I had never used computers except to do some simple word processing at work. And I was completely unfamiliar with the internet. My wife actually encouraged me to learn to learn to use our home computer as a way of having something to do when I wasn't busy doing housework, home repairs, etc. At first I declined. But after a while I finally consented. And one of the first websites I found my way to was YouTube. (I was actually so naïve I thought if I subscribed to a channel I'd get a bill in the mail a few days later... LOL!) 

 

Up until that time I don't believe I had ever even heard of the terms "transgender" or "transsexual". But somehow I found my way to a transsexual transition timeline video: Transitioning Prior to HRT, 101 was the title as I recall. I'll never forget it as long as I live. It was a picture montage of the YouTuber's transition set to the song: "Nobody Knows Me at All" (still a favorite.) Suddenly here was a person who had endured the same life-long struggle I had. And she was doing something about it... OMG! I've described it, in the past, as walking into a dark room & having someone suddenly turn on all the lights. I was absolutely bowled over. And yet there was a sense of sadness to it too because I knew it was too late for me. A short time later I made my second & most serious suicide attempt which landed me first on a medical wing of one of the local hospitals & subsequently on the psych ward. (This was also the point at which my wife came to learn of my life-long gender identity issues.)

 

At the time this was all occurring there was a little community of transgender YouTubers who were documenting their transitions in their videos. And upon my release from the hospital, I got back on YouTube & came to know a number of them. (I even made a few videos of my own. Of course they're all gone now.) And, sadly, one of the YouTubers I came to know did, seemingly out of nowhere, end her life. People do still upload transition timeline videos from time-to-time. But there doesn't seem to be the community there was. I don't watch transition timeline videos much anymore. But I do sometimes watch transgender documentary films on YouTube. I especially like to watch films about transgender children & how their parents are coping with raising a transgender child. I know the challenges those children face in their lives. And yet I also imagine what my life might have been like had I had the opportunities they have, the accepting parents they have, & the services that are available today. It's all a wonder.  

[Jackie C.]

Honestly, the services have been around for a long time. They were just a lot harder to find back in the day.

 

Now the SOCIAL services are relatively new, but it's been possible to medically transition since forever. We're only seeing more of it now because the cloud of social stigma is lifting and, thanks to the internet, we can connect with each other more easily and support each other.

 

I'm glad of that. I would have landed in an early grave one way or another without the support of the people I've come to know online and elsewhere.

 

Hugs!

[Susan R]

3 hours ago, Overalls Bear said:

I'll never forget it as long as I live. It was a picture montage of the YouTuber's transition set to the song: "Nobody Knows Me at All"

There was one specific YouTube transition video that hit me much like you describe this transition video impacted you. I must have watched it a dozen times over a years period. It gave me hope for me to possibly transition even though the youtuber was only in their mid-20’s in the video.

 

It sounds like you’ve firmly decided that transitioning is not in your future. You’re certainly not too old but some trans individuals can get by just fine without any form of transition. Just accepting oneself can be enough to carry you through each day.

 

Thank you for sharing one of your stories today. I look forward to your next.

 

My Best,

Susan R?

[Confused1]

I have talked to lots of transgender people and have not met one yet that was seeking GCS for the reason I am. I found out about the surgery just over 2 years ago, but didn't realize I was transgender at the time. I did think it was odd how easily I accepted such a drastic surgery, and how I couldn't get it out of my mind. Having always heard about transgender being equated to immoral degenerates that molested children, of course I didn't make the connection.

 

I figured it out while reading threads to study the surgery and stories about people who were having it. I was completely blown away when I realized why I have had the thoughts I had all my life. I was alive for 64 years before I realized I was not alone. You are right @Susan Rabout acceptance. At the moment I plan to have the surgery, but not to transition. I do not have overwhelming dysphoria and have a family as well that I love dearly and don't want to blow up. My wife knows, as do my adult children. This will make the public restroom issue very interesting for me. What the future holds, I don't know. I know sometimes dysphoria can be overwhelming and force you to make choices you don't want to make.

 

Hugs,

Mike

[KayC]

Thank you for sharing your story @Overalls Bear?❤️

[Gabriel]

14 hours ago, Overalls Bear said:

OMG! I've described it, in the past, as walking into a dark room & having someone suddenly turn on all the lights

 

That was totally my experience too, I woke up with a video on the internet. In my case it was tik tok super short take of a woman in one side and she herself dressed as a man behind a door, banging it trying to be let out. It touched every cell in my body and opened Pandora's box. Obviously, there is no closing it. And I'm so glad of it.

 

Thank you for sharing OB