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Unwillingness To Go Back And Forth


Guest Soph

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Guest Soph

It seems (from what I've inferred on this site, among others) that people, when transitioning, switch back and forth between presenting as male and female, to avoid complications in formal situations like church and work. Yet I find that I am entirely unwilling to do this. I present as female at all times, which is quite problematic at times. I don't pass all the time (its tough to tell some of the times you do, since people don't always use sir or miss), and since I won't go back to male I can't realistically get a job (not that there are any openings) because of my legal name and gender. Perhaps its a fear that if I go back I'll get lethargic and not want to deal with the hassle of trying to pass. Maybe its because I'm trying so hard to get my family and friends to see me as a female that I think they won't take me seriously if I keep going back and forth.

So I spend my time inside, avoiding interaction with people. I play WoW or The Sims 3 (amazing game :P) all day, and do little else, aside from therapy and electrolysis (making pretty good progress there, btw. Get prescription pain killers probably the 11th). I'm not out to all my friends, so I can't even hang out with all of them.

Does anyone else, or did anyone else, never switch back and forth during transition. I consider myself lucky in some respects concerning that since I don't really need a job (I'd be getting one to pass time, and for experience), but that doesn't make it much easier.

On a more positive note, its my birthday today! I'm 19 as of 6:30 this morning. Just wish it was a sunnier day here ;-;. Now my whole family is calling me Sophie, I start hormones the 29th, and, as I mentioned, my electrolysis is going pretty well. Just to update you all :D

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Guest Donna Jean

Soph...........

Sweetheart, there's plenty of folks that just draw a line and and live their true gender..others need to get things in order first..

Someone with a great job would be silly to throw it away without making plans for the future..others just "Do it now!"

Besides, it sounds as though your transition is moving along nicely!

And, HAPPY BIRTHDAY...to you, Hon! I'm over in Ohio and it's not sunny here either.....

So, SMILE.... :)

Everyone will wonder what you're up to!

HUGG

Donna Jean

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Guest julia_d

Happy Birthday Soph

I went full stealth last month.. I got sick of still after 8 years being out having people cram me back into those shoes which didn't fit.. not because it was anything to do with me.. but it was what they demanded from me because THEY were scared of what ignorant and blinkered people might say ABOUT THEM!!!

I refuse to play their hate game any longer.. I'm ME and those people either value me for who I AM .. or they can take a running jump!!

One day it comes to us all.. we pass the point of trying to live the lie we thought we had left behind ages ago. I guess we allow ourselves to be tricked into believing for some reason we need an unaccepting bunch of halfwits dictating who we will be to us.. that for some reason they actually matter to us and that we care what they think. This is my ultimatum to those people.. I'm me.. take it or leave it.. because that's how I look at them from inside my now fully me skin..

Transition means change.. not change some but change all.. whatever is the old and no longer needed is something which can cause pain and suffering.. does a snake carry around it's shed skin?

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Happy Birthday Sophie!

I'm in Texas so it is almost always sunny and Hot!

I have to present as male because I booked these weddings as male and that is who they are expecting - so until I am finished with those, i have to stay hidden.

I would love to just switch over right now, but I would have to refund a lot of money and I just don't have it.

good luck to you.

Love ya,

Sally

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Guest Victoriaf

Hi

First of all HAPPY BIRTHDAY :D

As far as switching back and forth. I would love it if I could live as myself all the time. Unfortunately i really have no choice. There is a very good chance that as soon as i come out at work I will be laid off so i have to present as Male until i am finacially ready to take that chance. I have to think of my family first. However if it were just me then i would say the heck with it. I think it is wonderful that you dont switch back and forth.

Again HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Hugs

Victoria

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I switch back mostly because of my voice. I just can't bring myself to present the way I feel when everything I say comes out all wrong. That's why getting my female voice is so important to me.

Happy birthday, by the way!!

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Guest Elizabeth K

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

We don't always catch those birtdays!

And full time - yes. I went to have my hair cut and styled. I am out at the salon - so - okay - go as me.

I am in the chair, just about done. In walks my sister-in-law. Only problem is I am not out to her yet. Guess I am now.

No make-up, little jewelery, but I walked out with my purse, stopped to chat a minute, then left.

Shameless hussey has to pay the price for braizeness - my s-in-l lives 18 miles away - what are the odds...

Lizzy

Today:

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Well that is a nice hair style Lizzy - there is no going back and forth with that - you don't pass as a guy anymore!

So many of us aren't blessed with not having to work

So we do what we have to and even dress like a jerk

To go back and forth not a problem for some

But as for others we must do it and be glum

For in the real world we must have money

Someday we won't in a land of milk and honey

Love ya,

Sally

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Guest LightNebula

It's good to see that your transition process seems to be going well. Like you, I also spend a lot of time playing games and stuff, along with some college courses, just to pass the time until I'm able to pass well enough as a female. I'm not going to switch back and forth at all -- I'm going to stay male in appearance until I've had electrolysis/laser removal, and after taking hormones for a while (which I haven't even started yet). Once that happens, I'll start to dress as a female and stay as one.

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Guest Soph

Thanks you all!

I guess what I was trying to say was that I am unwilling to go back for any scenario, and as a result I am not confident enough as a female to do certain things (as well as being unable to do certain things at this point in my transition). My therapist was talking about how I need to get out and do stuff (I've been hearing that for over a year :P) and I can't as a female because I get in my own way. I am unwilling, as I said, to present male in any situation. Sure, sometimes I'll present more androgynously, but thats the extent.

My therapist said that she doesn't care about my gender identity; she cares about my safety. What she is trying to do is to get me to avoid depression, which is all reasonable, but it seems that it sometimes gets in the way of transition, like in this case.

She also mentioned that I need to post here more :P. I had stopped posting because I considered all my problems to be common enough here that it is just implied. But I know no matter what I say here, I'll get countless kind responses. Sometimes it just helps to get your emotions out there :D

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Guest Joanna Phipps
I switch back mostly because of my voice. I just can't bring myself to present the way I feel when everything I say comes out all wrong. That's why getting my female voice is so important to me.

Happy birthday, by the way!!

Sounds like your voice is like mine, deep and destined to remain that way, don't worry in my line of work (hotel front desk) i see many taller women with deep voices. The trick is to take the edge off, soften it so you sound less like a drill sgt and more like a deep voiced woman. It will take practice but will be a lot easier than trying to raise your voice 1/2 to a full octave.

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Guest Joanna Phipps
Thanks you all!

I guess what I was trying to say was that I am unwilling to go back for any scenario, and as a result I am not confident enough as a female to do certain things (as well as being unable to do certain things at this point in my transition). My therapist was talking about how I need to get out and do stuff (I've been hearing that for over a year :P ) and I can't as a female because I get in my own way. I am unwilling, as I said, to present male in any situation. Sure, sometimes I'll present more androgynously, but thats the extent.

My therapist said that she doesn't care about my gender identity; she cares about my safety. What she is trying to do is to get me to avoid depression, which is all reasonable, but it seems that it sometimes gets in the way of transition, like in this case.

She also mentioned that I need to post here more :P . I had stopped posting because I considered all my problems to be common enough here that it is just implied. But I know no matter what I say here, I'll get countless kind responses. Sometimes it just helps to get your emotions out there :D

Hey Soph

Like Ive said before sis, I am getting frustrated walking both sides of the line but for the time being I have to. I have the support of the manager where I work but the hotel also has many repeat guests and my fear is that I might confuse or scare some of them. My transition at work is going to be slow, however it will eventually happen; Id like nothing better than to take all of my guy things and chuck them in the bin but for now there is no way.

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Happy birthday Soph, i am one who goes back and forth somewhat, i too am not out to some people that know me only my good friends, neighbors and doctors but even when i have to be him i wear woman's jeans, top, shoes, clear polish, mascara, so i am really me minus the wig.

I have a plan and that calls for me going full time early next year after my hair gets longer, facial hair is removed, get my voice decent and lose some weight. My plan gets others comfortable with the changes. Last night i went over to a friends house and told him and his wife about me transitioning and they said they noticed the woman's clothes and other changes, mainly I'm so much happier and open than i used to be, and it was really not a big deal to them.

Paula

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