NB dysphoria

[Msecret]

Hello everyone. I'm mostly certain that I'm non binary (AMAB) and have done a lot of thinking over time. Still mostly in closet but have blurred the gender line a little in public and work and home. Wife said that I can be non binary but will divorce me if I live as full female. Work could be issue too. I'm curious, dysphoria for parts of my body, particularly below chest have been present for some time. Although it would be years off most likely before getting to the point, I wonder if a NB will ever qualify for bottom surgery. There are rigid rules about being a binary gender as far as I know. I hope this changes, unless it is and I don't know it yet. Am I allowed to feel dysphoria for my genitals as a NB? 

[Astrid]

4 hours ago, Msecret said:

Am I allowed to feel dysphoria for my genitals as a NB? 

 

You can indeed feel dysphoria for your genitals.  I have, and I'm an AMAB non-binary person. There are many different ways that folks deal with this besides bottom surgery, including: 

• Take no physical action, at least initially; see how gender counseling and other steps on your journey take you.  
• Orchiectomy 
• Be content with the effects of estradiol HRT on the genitals (reduction of ball size, reduction of erections)

Any course of action requires close, honest communication with your spouse.  One of the best things my spouse and I did was for both of us to attend all my sessions (except the initial one) with an experienced gender therapist.  We both learned a lot.

4 hours ago, Msecret said:

There are rigid rules about being a binary gender as far as I know.

Which rules are you referring to?  Gender labels are for the most part chosen by each gender non-conforming person, not assigned by diagnosis, and it is not uncommon to "try on" several labels at the beginning of one's journey.  You don't need to be any label at all -- what's important is what course(s) of action help you to be genuine.    

 

Here in Massachusetts, the "X" designation for drivers licenses was announced over the Veterans Day weekend in 2019 by the Department of Motor Vehicles, catching many of us by surprise, as we'd expected a more formal process prior to this by our state legislature.  I was at the DMV the next day and had a wonderful clerk who exclaimed, "Oh, you're the first one of these I've processed.  Congratulations!"  Certainly made my day ?.  All I had to do was ask -- no accompanying documentation required.

 

Best wishes, and keep in touch about how you're doing,

 

Astrid

[Confused1]

7 hours ago, Msecret said:

Hello everyone. I'm mostly certain that I'm non binary (AMAB)  I'm curious, dysphoria for parts of my body, particularly below chest have been present for some time. Although it would be years off most likely before getting to the point, I wonder if a NB will ever qualify for bottom surgery.

 

Hi Msecret,

 

I am non binary and AMAB. I am actually gender fluid and am finding myself leaning more to female. I have had interesting things going on in my my mind since a child, but didn't identify as a transgender person until this year at 64.  I have 3 letters approving me for GCS as NB. I will have my second consult for surgery in about a month. If it can be done in Arkansas, it certainly be done where you live. If you haven't already, it might be good to talk to a gender therapist, to help you sort it out.

 

Only you know how far you can go and stay married. None of us know your wife, you do. I have my soul mate as my wife, but she would not be happy with me presenting as female either. She is heterosexual, so I am a little worried how that will play out. It is one thing for it to be in your head, quite another once it becomes reality.

 

I do have a medical condition resulting from prostate cancer surgery that currently can only be fixed with GCS and I had radiation with ADT this year for a recurrence, so I am at castrate hormone levels for both E and T. I didn't think it was possible, but my nipples have been sore for a full week. I guess I will be developing on top as well. My urologist wants me at castrate level for 2+ years, so I don't know what I will end up with, but my wife wants me alive more than she cares about whether I have boobs. I do not particularly have social dysphoria, so it works for me. I plan to live as male if I can, although under my clothes I will not be. We come in all shapes and sizes? Just know you are not alone.

 

You will need to take estrogen or testosterone after the surgery to prevent bone loss. Which one you choose will affect other parts of your body. Hormones are not binary, but there are ways to minimize it. Just realize you may get more than you bargain for if you get the surgery, and switch to estrogen.

 

Hugs,

Mike

[Msecret]

@Confused1thank you for sharing. Thank you for caring too. Definitely some similarities in our lives but I'm mid forties, Midwest, and have a young child and a less happy marriage but still reading this has been helpful including emotionally. I definitely need to see a specialist therapist rather than just my general one. I'm also Mike by the way. 

[Msecret]

@Astridthank you, your response is informative and comforting. That's really good news on the x gender ID. My wife and I are soon going to start couples therapy if we can ever get off the waiting list. This one has experience with transgender and other specifics that apply. Also good suggestions, will get more professional help hopefully soon.