I almost came out to my mum

[SpongeBobFan]

It was around last week. We were watching the news when a story came on about whether or not trans children should be allowed surgery. I decided to test the waters by asking her what she thought about transgender people. She said that as long as the person is old enough to have the surgery and knows that's what they want, she supports it!

 

Later on, the story came back on. So I decided to confide in her that as a child, I hated the idea of being a boy and really wanted to be a girl. She was surprised and asked me why I felt that way, I just told her that I wasn't entirely sure, but I didn't feel like being a boy was right for me, being a girl felt better. She paused for a second, and asked, "What about now?"

 

I realised I wasn't ready to tell her. So I laughed nervously and said, "I don't know." She just said "Okay" and turned back to the TV

 

She probably does suspect something though, I mean, I didn't say "No" when she asked me

[DeeDee]

6 hours ago, SpongeBobFan said:

I realised I wasn't ready to tell her. So I laughed nervously and said, "I don't know." She just said "Okay" and turned back to the TV

She probably also realised you weren't ready to talk about it. It is a good small step though  

[Susan R]

6 hours ago, SpongeBobFan said:

She probably does suspect something though, I mean, I didn't say "No" when she asked me

I have no doubt she knows more than you think. IMHO, mothers have a special connection and understanding of their children deeper than I ever knew.  Your ‘talk’ with your mum is about as close to fully coming out as one can get without just going full steam ahead. Your mum’s postponing her acknowledging the ‘elephant in the room’ for now gives her needed time to digest this news and prepare herself for what may soon be revealed. Don’t be surprised if she had some idea about it or something related to this gender identity issue before this. Mother’s can figure things out so well with hardly any clues. Just my hunch based on my mother’s reaction to my crossdressing and other similar stories I’ve read. Your mum’s reaction was very different than mine. The near nervous breakdown, yelling, screaming and crying was a little more difficult. In the end, I solved it by flat out telling her a lie and telling her the ladies clothes were my g/f’s. It worked very well to my surprise. I’m not advocating lying in any way. But in my defense, I did save her from a trip to the hospital.

 

Best of luck on your next transgender talk with mum,

Susan R?

[Audrey]

Hi @SpongeBobFan, I'm glad you had a moment with your mother where you felt safe to confide your feelings about wanting to be a girl and that being a boy doesn't feel right. I wonder how you're feeling afterwards. I agree with what Susan said about mothers having an intuitive sense about their children, and that there's a lot of reflecting and introspection when that intuition becomes reality. You'll know when you feel okay to share more with her, and I think you'll notice signs that both she and you are emotionally ready for that next conversation.

 

While I haven't come out officially to my own mother (I'm in my 40's), I have also tested the waters several times over many years by bringing up transgender topics in conversation. Most recently, she mentioned Elliot Page's recent coming out and she asked *me* what I thought about him. That took me by surprise a little bit! I feel like she has a pretty good idea about me, and likely has for a long time. I'm quite sure she will remember some of the same things from my childhood that I do about gender expression and identity.

 

Love,

~Audrey.

[DeeDee]

@Audrey I am hoping to have that conversation with my mum this Christmas, and she could honestly go wither way. Her upbringing would put her as my first loss which would be gutting, but she has mellowed out in recent years, and I have spent quite a while testing the waters too and educating her about LGBT people just being people (othering can be so ingrained!)Though it was literally only 3 months ago when she made the statement, "Why does my son appreciate a good sewing machine when my niece can't!" after a misjudged birthday present offer.... My sister nearly spat out her coffee ? The clues are definitely there!

[Charlize]

Unfortunately my parents had died before i transitioned.  In some ways i'm glad my father didn't see me now.  As a WW2 vet it would have hurt him greatly.  On the other hand my mom was so much more accepting when i displayed a softer side.  

I'm glad you are talking to your mom  while you can.  From what you posted you might have the best of allies as well as a chance to give the gift of honesty if it won't hurt her or you.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[KymmieL]

My mom is one person that is needing to be told when I leave. My wife has already told me that she will just tell her talk to your son.

 

 

 

I am actually scared to tell her. She is 84,and her health isn't the best.

 

Kymmie

[SpongeBobFan]

On 12/11/2020 at 9:52 AM, DeeDee said:

@Audrey I am hoping to have that conversation with my mum this Christmas, and she could honestly go wither way. Her upbringing would put her as my first loss which would be gutting, but she has mellowed out in recent years, and I have spent quite a while testing the waters too and educating her about LGBT people just being people (othering can be so ingrained!)Though it was literally only 3 months ago when she made the statement, "Why does my son appreciate a good sewing machine when my niece can't!" after a misjudged birthday present offer.... My sister nearly spat out her coffee ? The clues are definitely there!

 

Hey, I wish you the best of luck in coming out!