Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

I almost came out to my mum


SpongeBobFan

Recommended Posts

It was around last week. We were watching the news when a story came on about whether or not trans children should be allowed surgery. I decided to test the waters by asking her what she thought about transgender people. She said that as long as the person is old enough to have the surgery and knows that's what they want, she supports it!

 

Later on, the story came back on. So I decided to confide in her that as a child, I hated the idea of being a boy and really wanted to be a girl. She was surprised and asked me why I felt that way, I just told her that I wasn't entirely sure, but I didn't feel like being a boy was right for me, being a girl felt better. She paused for a second, and asked, "What about now?"

 

I realised I wasn't ready to tell her. So I laughed nervously and said, "I don't know." She just said "Okay" and turned back to the TV

 

She probably does suspect something though, I mean, I didn't say "No" when she asked me

Link to comment
6 hours ago, SpongeBobFan said:

I realised I wasn't ready to tell her. So I laughed nervously and said, "I don't know." She just said "Okay" and turned back to the TV

She probably also realised you weren't ready to talk about it. It is a good small step though :) 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
6 hours ago, SpongeBobFan said:

She probably does suspect something though, I mean, I didn't say "No" when she asked me

I have no doubt she knows more than you think. IMHO, mothers have a special connection and understanding of their children deeper than I ever knew.  Your ‘talk’ with your mum is about as close to fully coming out as one can get without just going full steam ahead. Your mum’s postponing her acknowledging the ‘elephant in the room’ for now gives her needed time to digest this news and prepare herself for what may soon be revealed. Don’t be surprised if she had some idea about it or something related to this gender identity issue before this. Mother’s can figure things out so well with hardly any clues. Just my hunch based on my mother’s reaction to my crossdressing and other similar stories I’ve read. Your mum’s reaction was very different than mine. The near nervous breakdown, yelling, screaming and crying was a little more difficult. In the end, I solved it by flat out telling her a lie and telling her the ladies clothes were my g/f’s. It worked very well to my surprise. I’m not advocating lying in any way. But in my defense, I did save her from a trip to the hospital.

 

Best of luck on your next transgender talk with mum,

Susan R?

Link to comment

Hi @SpongeBobFan, I'm glad you had a moment with your mother where you felt safe to confide your feelings about wanting to be a girl and that being a boy doesn't feel right. I wonder how you're feeling afterwards. I agree with what Susan said about mothers having an intuitive sense about their children, and that there's a lot of reflecting and introspection when that intuition becomes reality. You'll know when you feel okay to share more with her, and I think you'll notice signs that both she and you are emotionally ready for that next conversation.

 

While I haven't come out officially to my own mother (I'm in my 40's), I have also tested the waters several times over many years by bringing up transgender topics in conversation. Most recently, she mentioned Elliot Page's recent coming out and she asked *me* what I thought about him. That took me by surprise a little bit! I feel like she has a pretty good idea about me, and likely has for a long time. I'm quite sure she will remember some of the same things from my childhood that I do about gender expression and identity.

 

Love,

~Audrey.

Link to comment

@Audrey I am hoping to have that conversation with my mum this Christmas, and she could honestly go wither way. Her upbringing would put her as my first loss which would be gutting, but she has mellowed out in recent years, and I have spent quite a while testing the waters too and educating her about LGBT people just being people (othering can be so ingrained!)Though it was literally only 3 months ago when she made the statement, "Why does my son appreciate a good sewing machine when my niece can't!" after a misjudged birthday present offer.... My sister nearly spat out her coffee ? The clues are definitely there!

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Unfortunately my parents had died before i transitioned.  In some ways i'm glad my father didn't see me now.  As a WW2 vet it would have hurt him greatly.  On the other hand my mom was so much more accepting when i displayed a softer side.  

I'm glad you are talking to your mom  while you can.  From what you posted you might have the best of allies as well as a chance to give the gift of honesty if it won't hurt her or you.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

My mom is one person that is needing to be told when I leave. My wife has already told me that she will just tell her talk to your son.

 

 

 

I am actually scared to tell her. She is 84,and her health isn't the best.

 

Kymmie

Link to comment
On 12/11/2020 at 9:52 AM, DeeDee said:

@Audrey I am hoping to have that conversation with my mum this Christmas, and she could honestly go wither way. Her upbringing would put her as my first loss which would be gutting, but she has mellowed out in recent years, and I have spent quite a while testing the waters too and educating her about LGBT people just being people (othering can be so ingrained!)Though it was literally only 3 months ago when she made the statement, "Why does my son appreciate a good sewing machine when my niece can't!" after a misjudged birthday present offer.... My sister nearly spat out her coffee ? The clues are definitely there!

 

Hey, I wish you the best of luck in coming out! :D

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   3 Members, 0 Anonymous, 113 Guests (See full list)

    • Stefi
    • Adrianna Danielle
    • Pip
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      768.4k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,025
    • Most Online
      8,356

    JamesyGreen
    Newest Member
    JamesyGreen
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Anyatimenow
      Anyatimenow
      (23 years old)
    2. Aria00
      Aria00
    3. Ava B.
      Ava B.
      (24 years old)
    4. Claire Heshi
      Claire Heshi
    5. CrystalMatthews0426
      CrystalMatthews0426
      (41 years old)
  • Posts

    • violet r
      I firmly believe I drank entirely to much for about 25 years. Got drunk every day. This was my coping mechanism to keep hiding deep inside that I was a woman. I miss a lot of signs over the years. Now I drink mabye 1 or 2 beers a day don't even get a buzz anymore. totally accept myself and on regret is that I hide that part of my self which  truly makes me happy being violet 💜. I wasted a lot of time before  being self destructive and had no clue I was just hiding th real me
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Service manager at goes through that here.One was a belt change in a 2019 Kenworth.It was written on the work order including a service done and I seen it.Customer was a complete a-hole.I did it and said he did not want that done.Shown him the original work order and finally said the service manager was right.My boss had to get rid of two customers,always complained about their bill being a little high.Price of parts went up due to inflation and had to explain this to them
    • Tiffany 838
      Well it not morning and I haven’t been on her for a while but it’s nice to be back.  Did some catching up on everyone.  I do have a question, how is Toronto Canada for a get away? Is it a safe and friendly area for us to go.  The wife and I are looking for some where to go to allow me to be my true self.     thanks in advance
    • KymmieL
      Hey, everyone. my life is going down the tubes. at least I think. So, today. A customer called about his car, I told him that the oil change was done. The parts to fix the check engine light are ordered. He can come and get it. For the weekend if he wants. Customer says I didn't want an oil change. it was check the engine light and check for an oil leak. Checking the work order says oil change. The boss wrote the vehicle up. checking with the customer on services wanted.   Being that I wrote down the appointment in the book. and clearly states oil leak. She is complaining because she can't read my small ish writing. It seems she read oil and assumed it as an oil change. It seems like she is blaming me.  She wound up going home because she was too upset. She is stressing about an eye problem she has, she has to get eye surgery it seems she has a tear in her eye.    I feel that I am short for this job. because of the BS they are blaming me on. Plus I am still upset about the trust issue. If either one of the bosses start their Shite tomorrow. I am walking out.    
    • Davie
    • Abigail Genevieve
      "I love you so much,"  Lois said.  They met in the driveway. "I could not live without you." "Neither could I." "What are we going to do?" "Find another counselor?" "No. I think we need to solve this ourselves." "Do you think we can?" "I don't know.  But what I know is that I don't want to go through that again.  I think we have to hope we can find a solution." "Otherwise, despair." "Yeah.   Truce?" "Okay,  truce." And they hugged.   "When we know what we want we can figure out how to get there."   That began six years of angry battles, with Odie insisted he could dress as he pleased and Lois insisting it did not please her at all.  He told her she was not going to control him and she replied that she still had rights as a wife to a husband. Neither was willing to give in, neither was willing to quit, and their heated arguments ended in hugs and more.   They went to a Crossdressers' Club, where they hoped to meet other couples with the same problems, the same conflicts, and the same answers, if anyone had any.  It took them four tries before they settled on a group that they were both willing to participate in.  This was four couples their own age, each with a cross dressing husband and a wife who was dealing with it.  They met monthly.  It was led by a 'mediator' who wanted people to express how they felt about the situation.  Odie and Lois, as newcomers, got the floor, and the meeting was finally dismissed at 1:30 in the morning - it was supposed to be over at 10 - and everyone knew how they felt about the situation.   There was silence in the car on the way home.   "We aren't the only ones dealing with this." Odie finally said.   "Who would have thought that?  You are right."   "Somebody out there has a solution." "I hope you are right."   "I hope in hope, not in despair."   "That's my Odie."    
    • Abigail Genevieve
      The counseling session was heated, if you could call it a counseling session.  Sometimes Lois felt he was on Odie's side, and sometimes on hers.  When he was on her side, Odie got defensive. She found herself being defensive when it seemed they were ganging up on each other.   "This is not working," Lois said angrily, and walked out.  "Never again. I want my husband back. Dr. Smith you are complicit in this."   "What?" said Odie.   The counselor looked at him.  "You will have to learn some listening skills."   "That is it? Listening skills?  You just destroyed my marriage, and you told me I need to learn listening skills?"   Dr. Smith said calmly,"I think you both need to cool off."   Odie looked at him and walked out, saying "And you call yourself a counselor."   "Wait a minute."   "No."
    • Ashley0616
      Just a comfortable gray sweater dress and some sneakers. Nothing special today. 
    • VickySGV
      I do still carry a Swiss Army knife along with my car keys.  
    • Timi
      Jeans and a white sweater. And cute white sneakers. Delivering balloons to a bunch of restaurants supporting our LGBT Community Center fundraiser today!
    • April Marie
      Congratulations to you!!!This is so wonderful!!
    • missyjo
      I've no desire to present androgynous..nothing wrong with it but I am a girl n wish to present as a girl. shrugs, if androgynous works fir others good. always happy someone finds a solution or happiness    today black jeans  black wedges..purple camisole under white n black polka dot blouse half open   soft smile to all 
    • MaeBe
      I have read some of it, mostly in areas specifically targeted at the LGBTQ+ peoples.   You also have to take into account what and who is behind the words, not just the words themselves. Together that creates context, right? Let's take some examples, under the Department of Health & Human Services section:   "Radical actors inside and outside government are promoting harmful identity politics that replaces biological sex with subjective notions of “gender identity” and bases a person’s worth on his or her race, sex, or other identities. This destructive dogma, under the guise of “equity,” threatens American’s fundamental liberties as well as the health and well-being of children and adults alike."   or   "Families comprised of a married mother, father, and their children are the foundation of a well-ordered nation and healthy society. Unfortunately, family policies and programs under President Biden’s HHS are fraught with agenda items focusing on “LGBTQ+ equity,” subsidizing single-motherhood, disincentivizing work, and penalizing marriage. These policies should be repealed and replaced by policies that support the formation of stable, married, nuclear families."   From a wording perspective, who doesn't want to protect the health and well-being of Americans or think that families aren't good for America? But let's take a look at the author, Roger Severino. He's well-quoted to be against LGBTQ+ anything, has standard christian nationalist views, supports conversion therapy, etc.   So when he uses words like "threatens the health and well-being of children and adults alike" it's not about actual health, it's about enforcing cis-gendered ideology because he (and the rest of the Heritage Foundation) believe LGBTQ+ people and communities are harmful. Or when he invokes the family through the lens of, let's just say dog whistles including the "penalization of marriage" (how and where?!), he idealizes families involving marriage of a "biological male to a biological female" and associates LGBTQ+ family equity as something unhealthy.   Who are the radical actors? Who is telling people to be trans, gay, or queer in general? No one. The idea that there can be any sort of equity between LGBTQ+ people and "normal" cis people is abhorrent to the author, so the loaded language of radical/destructive/guise/threaten are used. Families that he believes are "good" are stable/well-ordered/healthy, specifically married/nuclear ones.   Start looking into intersectionality of oppression of non-privileged groups and how that affects the concept of the family and you will understand that these platitudes are thinly veiled wrappers for christian nationalist ideology.   What's wrong with equity for queer families, to allow them full rights as parents, who are bringing up smart and able children? Or single mothers who are working three jobs to get food on plates?
    • Ashley0616
      Well yesterday didn't work like I wanted to. I met a guy and started talking and he was wanting to be in a relationship. I asked my kids on how they thought of me dating a man and they said gross and said no. I guess it's time to look for women. I think that is going to be harder. Oh well I guess.  
    • Ashley0616
      I don't have anything in my dress pocket
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...