A bit annoying

[TTheta]

This is having to do with mental health so I believe it is best to put this here. 

 

So a while ago I was in therapy and I told my therapist about my symptoms, hearing voices, amnesia, having other people in my mind and then my psychiatrist gave me meds for Schizophrenia, which is clearly not what I have, well mainly because I took multiple different medicines to try and "Clear" me of my voices, which is one I have had since I was 6 years old. His name is Harley. But there are more and they all have their own personalities, but of course I get diagnosed with schizophrenia, and my stepmom heard about it and told everyone. My therapist was trying to fix the diagnosis that my psychiatrist gave me meds for but of course I get pulled out of therapy and I still have Schizophrenia on my record and that is not what I have. I just wish I was in therapy long enough so I could have been officially diagnosed so I could feel valid, my therapist and I were working on it, but I got pulled too soon :((  There is me Aidan, Harley, Lyra, Caden, Aj, Akos, Keiji, Screw, and Fletcher. That's everyone. I can hear them and I talk to them regularly, usually out loud. But I really don't feel valid without a diagnosis and it's kinda stressing me out too. 

 

I also really like having them around because it makes me feel less alone when I don't have access to internet since I have no irl friends because of virus

 

also if anyone has questions I will be glad to answer them :))

 

And if there is a better place to put this lemme know :0

[TTheta]

Something I somehow forgot to include- the reason I was writing this post-

 

I have terrible amnesia and I get bashed for it or my parents say I am faking or lying. It really doesn't make sense and sometimes I feel like they are messing with me. I could be sitting on the couch one minute and find myself in the kitchen or some random room with no recollection of how I got there. It's bizarre and I really wish I still had my therapist to work this out

[Mx.Drago]

?Sorry for I'm far incapable of helping at all bout the situation. But you need a different psychiatrist and therapist, even for second opinion just in case of the med situation and diagnosis... but so far you're at your parents mercy. Just hang in there a bit longer if you can.

Do you feel those voices, are a part of you or completely separate? I hope you get the chance to sue your stepmom for inflicting mental trauma and abuse. 

But if you're moving around not knowing how you got there, that's not good. I suggest keeping notes and make a habit of writing the time and place, when you move to a different place. Make a note on your phone, or carry a small notebook. On phone it's easy if you have word excel and just make an excel color coded chart, so it's hard for others to read and easy enough to fill out. Use Google doc on your phone, they let you use excel. 1st column is time, 2nd column is location 1, 3rd column is location 2, 4th column is method of moving from location 1 and 2, 5th column is why moving. Color code places in your house or areas you go, to fill in the columns for locations easily. Example green-kitchen, blue-bathroom, red-your bedroom...etc. Say it's for a school health project, studying how much time we spend in places and how much we move? Best I can think for the situation. Don't go to crazy about it, but try to keep track of your movements and be safe.

[Audrey]

Dear @Aidan5,

 

I think your desire to feel validated is so important. A correct diagnosis is incredibly validating because it gives a sense that what we're going through is real and shared by others. I can only imagine how much hardship this is causing for you, especially because schizophrenia can be a very stigmatizing diagnosis and cause others to view you and your experience in the wrong light. They may see what's happening as a "problem" to be "solved" or "cured," rather than something to be accepted and understood. I wonder if others are assuming that the voices you hear and talk with are distressing, when in fact they're not distressing but reassuring for you. The healthcare system in the U.S. often leaps to prescribe treatment without taking the time to fully understand what's going on first. I'm so sorry to hear that your relationship with your therapist was so abruptly ended, especially at a time when you needed that support the most. I really hope you'll be able to connect and work with a new therapist soon, and that you can have a genuine conversation with your family about it too without feeling judged or hurt. We'll be cheering for you! ?

 

Love,

~Audrey.

[Jackie C.]

Wow, stuff I was just talking to my therapist about. Not for me exactly, but I was trying to learn more about DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) for another member. So yeah, definitely therapy and a real diagnosis is in your future. I'm not sure about suing anybody. Your wardens (they sure as heck don't ACT like parents OR guardians) should face some sort of punishment but I don't think it needs to be delivered by your hand. I just want you to be well. On the plus side, my therapist recommended Internal Family System therapy (though she might be biased, IFS is kind of her jam) for treatment and that's always fun for artists. Getting to know your various facets and what purpose they serve in your psyche is very enlightening.

 

Be well sweetie. Thanks for sharing!

 

Hugs!

[Benji C]

I'm sorry that happened..  a close friend of mine had DID and your symptoms kind of sound similar but I'm NOT a doctor.... I hope you get everything sorted out and stuff...

[TTheta]

8 hours ago, Mx.Drago said:

Do you feel those voices, are a part of you or completely separate?

It's like somebody else, I have no idea what they are going to say, it kinda feels like having someone on the phone, but in my head- 

 

8 hours ago, Mx.Drago said:

But if you're moving around not knowing how you got there, that's not good. I suggest keeping notes and make a habit of writing the time and place, when you move to a different place. Make a note on your phone, or carry a small notebook. On phone it's easy if you have word excel and just make an excel color coded chart, so it's hard for others to read and easy enough to fill out. Use Google doc on your phone, they let you use excel. 1st column is time, 2nd column is location 1, 3rd column is location 2, 4th column is method of moving from location 1 and 2, 5th column is why moving. Color code places in your house or areas you go, to fill in the columns for locations easily. Example green-kitchen, blue-bathroom, red-your bedroom...etc. Say it's for a school health project, studying how much time we spend in places and how much we move? Best I can think for the situation. Don't go to crazy about it, but try to keep track of your movements and be safe.

This is a good idea though I have been terrible with keeping notebooks of any kind because they get taken away, and phone was taken years ago haha. Though I like the idea and when I move I will use this. 

 

@Jackie C.Since I got a sketchbook, I was planning on doing a system chart, or draw them all out. 

2 hours ago, Ainsley said:

I'm sorry that happened..  a close friend of mine had DID and your symptoms kind of sound similar but I'm a doctor.... I hope you get everything sorted out and stuff...

Thanks bud. I will be going to a doctor/therapist when I move. Hope you are well too! :))

 

5 hours ago, Audrey said:

I wonder if others are assuming that the voices you hear and talk with are distressing, when in fact they're not distressing but reassuring for you.

This is 100% the case, none of them have ever harmed me in a malicious way. Honestly I find them to be better than my family. There are 4 other adults in my house and none of them listen to me, or they talk over me like I am not even there. They only talk to me when making fun of me or they want something. 

 

 

[Jackie C.]

1 hour ago, Aidan5 said:

@Jackie C.Since I got a sketchbook, I was planning on doing a system chart, or draw them all out. 

 

Oh that is SO on my to-do list. I'm working on improving my art skills right now. I've let them lay too long and I'm getting back in the groove, but I desperately want to draw them out. I just don't feel like I have the skills to do them justice.

 

Hugs!

[Benji C]

I'm only just realizing now that I said "I'm a doctor" instead of "I'm not a doctor" I'm -censored- dumb...

[Mx.Drago]

15 hours ago, Ainsley said:

I'm only just realizing now that I said "I'm a doctor" instead of "I'm not a doctor" I'm -censored- dumb...

It's fine...not like we can edit the post ourselves. I'm dyslexic and no matter how many times I read my words over before posting, always forget to fix one thing. Just get one of the forum moderators to change it if you need to make a change.

[Petra Jane]

If you are really struggling, download Grammerly, it helps me no end as it checks my grammar, spelling and even if I've missed a space between words. It words with most browsers, you do have to create an account for it to work fully, but I've had no privacy issues since I started using it in February this year, which is when I found it.

[TTheta]

17 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

 

Oh that is SO on my to-do list. I'm working on improving my art skills right now. I've let them lay too long and I'm getting back in the groove, but I desperately want to draw them out. I just don't feel like I have the skills to do them justice.

 

Hugs!

So far my favorite one of my alters to draw is Keiji :)) But Harley is always asking for me to draw him and I have not gotten to it yet haha, yeh lately I just have not had any time to do anything, but the future holds promise!!

 

15 hours ago, Ainsley said:

I'm only just realizing now that I said "I'm a doctor" instead of "I'm not a doctor" I'm -censored- dumb...

I'm dyslexic too and I read it as "I'm not a doctor" lol so you are fine haha.

 

1 hour ago, Petra Jane said:

If you are really struggling, download Grammerly, it helps me no end as it checks my grammar, spelling and even if I've missed a space between words. It words with most browsers, you do have to create an account for it to work fully, but I've had no privacy issues since I started using it in February this year, which is when I found it.

Why didn't I think of this? haha

[Mx.Drago]

4 hours ago, Petra Jane said:

If you are really struggling, download Grammerly, it helps me no end as it checks my grammar, spelling and even if I've missed a space between words. It words with most browsers, you do have to create an account for it to work fully, but I've had no privacy issues since I started using it in February this year, which is when I found it.

Many thanks for the info, will look into it.

[Mx.Drago]

20 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

 

Oh that is SO on my to-do list. I'm working on improving my art skills right now. I've let them lay too long and I'm getting back in the groove, but I desperately want to draw them out. I just don't feel like I have the skills to do them justice.

 

Hugs!

I always go back to my shadow into light drawings to get my focusing back. Slowly going through the darker colors into the lighter colors, bringing the subject into light. Looks like a blob painting at first but it helps me losen my hands and it's like sculpting with molding clay except 2d. Or another favorite, scribble art. Don't let all that fancy stuff online deter your artist spirit. It's a skill that takes time, love and patience.