How Do You Know If It's Safe To Dress In Public?

[Guest Ryles_D]

My partner is male bodied and wants to start wearing skirts, even in public, more or less full time. I don't think they will for work, but I know if they had the option they'd love to.

But we're in the south, a larger city that's relatively more accepting- but it's still the south (NC), and I'm kind of scared something might happen. For the 3-4 months my partner's lived down here, they've passed as female pretty close to 100% of the time, and they don't dress particularly feminine because their mother never allowed it and they haven't had the funds for a new wardrobe, so had to make due with what they have.

My partner's overweight (which I've noticed can give an androgynous figure) and have noticeable "breasts", long hair, no visible adam's apple, and a face that's somewhat androgynous- but a deep, British voice. There've been a few times when they've been "ma'am"ed even after speaking, so I'm hoping it's not deep enough to be a total giveaway, but I think there are also a few times when they've been "sir"d after, and they don't think their voice passes as all- and I know that the voice can be a huge problem for a lot of girls.

Are there any particular cautions to make sure to take, or any way to tell if they'll be reasonably safe or not? If you pass in pants, will you definitely pass in a skirt- or will it make people look more closely and realize that something's up?

[Guest angie]

If you pass in pants, will you definitely pass in a skirt- or will it make people look more closely and realize that something's up?

Some will see through you,not matter how you are presenting.

Women like us grow mighty thick skinned and learn NOT to care what anyone say's or thinks.

We have to,or the looks and comments will hit us personally and wound our delicate psyhcie's,

Keeping us from fulfilling our destiny of becoming who we truly are.And I correct most anyone

who misgenders me instantly.Some,family members,we choose to forgive their trespass.

Others,the one's that know who we are especially,and chose to be direspectful,you cut no slack.

But do so nicely.I had a bus driver who was having a bad day call me sir.I blasted him."I am no

man,Don't call me a sir again A-hole."This one woman was watching and laughed congratulating

me for standing up for myself.But some folks are just plain old fashioned jerks.

Angie

[Guest RainBird]

Just because someone has a bad day does not give them the excuse to be jerks to you.. but, unfortunately some people cannot be helped.

Best thing we can do sometimes is ignore it, as annoying as it is.. The old 'Water off the ducks back' technique actually works well and you will feel much better afterwards

xx

[Guest Ryles_D]

Some will see through you,not matter how you are presenting.

Women like us grow mighty thick skinned and learn NOT to care what anyone say's or thinks.

We have to,or the looks and comments will hit us personally and wound our delicate psyhcie's,

Keeping us from fulfilling our destiny of becoming who we truly are.And I correct most anyone

who misgenders me instantly.Some,family members,we choose to forgive their trespass.

Others,the one's that know who we are especially,and chose to be direspectful,you cut no slack.

But do so nicely.I had a bus driver who was having a bad day call me sir.I blasted him."I am no

man,Don't call me a sir again A-hole."This one woman was watching and laughed congratulating

me for standing up for myself.But some folks are just plain old fashioned jerks.

Angie

Thank you. But, truthfully, I'm more concerned about physical violence. I'm pretty sure my partner can handle idiotic remarks. But after hearing horror stories about what happens to transwomen who don't totally pass, I'm a bit worried.

[Guest angie]

Sweety,

One of the easiest ways to stay out of harms way is to not make eye contact.

You will know the ones to look out for,they just have trouble written all over

their face.When I was a courier driver I went into some businesses with BIG

rednecks.And little ol femme me all by myself.I kept it professional,giving them

no reason to man handle me.Scared?oh yeah.

Angie

[Guest Jeannine Bean]

Thank you. But, truthfully, I'm more concerned about physical violence. I'm pretty sure my partner can handle idiotic remarks. But after hearing horror stories about what happens to transwomen who don't totally pass, I'm a bit worried.

There are safer places and not-so-safe places.

I don't walk into a redneck bar wearing a skirt. I wouldn't even walk in there wearing a KILT, which is a man's battle uniform.... heck, I'm pretty femme anyways and had to swat away gay comments.. one person got hit in the head with a sack of quarters in that place and put into a coma. All true.

Why did I ever hang out there?!?!

EXACTLY!

And there are some venues that even if someone was crazy enough to want to try something, they just won't. Public places have the safety of numbers of people, in broad daylight... No one's going to pull out a baseball bat and whack you in the middle of a grocery store at 4:30PM with 44 bystanders..

Survival, common sense... instincts...

--Jeannine

[Guest angie]

Not going to bars is a good Idea.

It wasn't until I was past my second year of transition,and with my guy,

that I ventured into bars again.I haven't ever been to the gay bars,just

wasn't and isn't my scene.It was straight bars my guy took me to.

He is a brave man,liking straight bars shunning the gay bars.I would be

a pack of nerves the first few times.But it was as a (normal) couple we

went.Were accepted at face value.That was a real eye opener to me.

And when I first knew how much I could pass in a public place under close

scrutiny.That was cool.

Angie