The Grey

[Rosie.]

Hey everyone, 

 

Rosie here and I’m MTF but in the closet. Since the pandemic hit I’ve had more space to dress/live as my authentic self. I’ve acquired a general therapist who has helped me accept that I’m a trans-woman and that’s equal parts empowering and terrifying. 
 

Unfortunately this awakening has largely been in the isolation and comfort of my empty house (except for my unconditionally loving cats). As such I’ve had difficulty with figuring out how to come out to family and (more terrifyingly) my professional colleagues. But that’s not what I’m talking about today. 
 

Today I just wanted to share that I felt good about seeing my family for the first time in about 8 months. I met up with my parents and sister for Christmas a few days ago. Although I’m not ‘out’ my wardrobe is almost entirely femme now and my hair has grown down to my shoulders. I’m letting myself react/interact more naturally (which is inevitably more feminine). For Christmas I was wearing my favorite jeggings with a v-neck, cardigan and some really cute Chelsea boots with zippers.

 

Anyway, I felt good in my skin and let myself move my body in the ways I’ve been feeling. I didn’t force my voice low as I have most of my adult life. I even left my nails painted a festive red! 
 

The best part is no one acted different or made mention.
 

Although I’m not out, it was nice just exist around people I love.  I may be in the grey, but if the back end of transition has moments like this, I’ll be very happy. 
 

Best, 

Rosie.

[Mmindy]

1 hour ago, Rosie. said:

The best part is no one acted different or made mention.
 

Although I’m not out, it was nice just exist around people I love.  I may be in the grey, but if the back end of transition has moments like this, I’ll be very happy. 

Welcome to TransPulseForums @Rosie. I'm glad you had a good Holiday visit with your family, presented in the manor of dress of your choice. You may not think you're out of the closet, but after what you wrote, and no one made a big deal of it. You're so lucky and I'm sure your family loves you no matter what. 

 

Happy New Year 2021,

 

Mindy???

[Rosie.]

1 hour ago, Mmindy said:

Welcome to TransPulseForums @Rosie. I'm glad you had a good Holiday visit with your family, presented in the manor of dress of your choice. You may not think you're out of the closet, but after what you wrote, and no one made a big deal of it. You're so lucky and I'm sure your family loves you no matter what. 

 

Happy New Year 2021,

 

Mindy???

 Thank you for the kind words; they mean the world to me in these shadow times. Much love and appreciation. I hope your Holliday is full of joy! 
 

Rosie.

[VickySGV]

I hate to break it to you, but I think your family figured out what was going on, and are keeping quiet to let you come out when you are ready.  If there was going to be an explosion, from what you said you were wearing, and your hair it would have happened.  Breathe easy for now and let life go on and it will be fine.

[Ann W]

3 hours ago, Rosie. said:

I’m letting myself react/interact more naturally (which is inevitably more feminine). 

Welcome @Rosie.!  I felt a connection to your story.  I'm not out publicly, but I'm letting my feminine self out little by little, and wearing more and more women's clothes in my daily life.  Just little changes, like your hair and nails.  It does feel good, even though it can be scary.  I look forward to hearing more of your experience.

[Susan R]

2 hours ago, VickySGV said:

I think your family figured out what was going on, and are keeping quiet to let you come out when you are ready.

Hello @Rosie. I think both @VickySGV and @Mmindy hit the nail on the head. Your family is obviously not phased at all about your changes but they may know. If you don’t feel the need to change the status quo than keep doing what you’re doing because it certainly seems to be working for you. Sometimes things turn out differently than we would expect. No one thinks it’s an issue even though you’re sort of pushing the envelope with regards to you gender persona. I can tell you one thing for sure about my family, If I painted even one fingernail, things would be flying around the home that I once was allowed to live in. Those were very different times.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R?

[Audrey]

Hi Rosie, it warms my hear to hear about your family's acceptance of you during your holiday gatherings this year. I agree with @VickySGV, if there was going to be a negative reaction it probably would have happened by now. Having your family's love and support during your transition will be so valuable and is truly a blessing. So happy for you!

 

Your positive experience is inspiring me to do the same thing with my family in early 2021. However, my family won't see me in-person when I do because of the living distance and pandemic-related travel limitations (for now). However, even on our Zoom calls, I'm sure they've noticed my hair growing longer and makeup on my face, and more recently the evidence of my electrolysis treatments. So my transformation is happening right under their noses, or at least I think it is, but maybe they do know more than I realize but they're just waiting for me to speak up.

 

Love,

~Audrey.