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FtM attracted to males, MtF and androgyny but not cis women. Is this wrong?


Ethereal

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Hi, I hope this thread isn't inappropriate or in the wrong sub-forum.

 

I identify as a homosexual trans guy, although I don't accept my sexuality fully. I also have doubts about it.

After I came out of the closet, I started meeting more LGBTQIA+ people and I found out that I was attracted to transgender women too.

Maybe androgyny played a part in this attraction, which worries me a bit, because I know that certain characteristics may actually be a dysphoria trigger for some.

I see trans women as women. And my feelings are not purely sexual. I worry a lot about this, I don't want anybody thinking that I am objectifying them even if subconsciously.

I would date them with no problem - many of the trans girls I've seen were intelligent and artistic, which impressed me in a good way, as they are qualities I seek for in a friend and a partner.

I've kissed both cis and trans ladies and I liked that. However, they probably saw me as butch female since I don't pass completely yet.

I've always been into men - masculine, feminine or any variation of that... I don't care if they are cis or not, either.

However, my attraction to cisgender women is almost null, it only happens rarely and doesn't last long. I'm slightly curious, but not enough to seek them out just to experiment sexually or to have a relationship.

 

I feel extremely conflicted regarding this issue.

 

I've considered the label "bisexual homoromantic" before and it fits somewhat, although I'd still rather identify as gay because I am still primarily attracted to males, and gay culture is a bit more relatable to me, though not 100% as I'm not into stereotypically gay interests such as pop divas and musicals. I may start using the term "queer", but I don't know yet.

 

Is it wrong for me to be this way? Would a MtF person be offended by my interest?

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  • Forum Moderator
Jackie C.

Honestly, I'm happy when I receive ANY attention. So long as you're not into me JUST because I was AMAB, there's nothing at all wrong with it. You're attracted to who you're attracted to. You have a type. We've all got preferences and things we like or don't like in a partner.

 

You're fine.

 

Hugs!

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Well, I am pre T and I have not dated anyone since coming out as transmasculine, but I feel attracted to the same group of people you are talking about, and I do not consider this strange nor wrong in any way. It is just who I am attracted to.

 

Mostly what I am annoyed about is a lack of gay transmen narrative or relatable people. I know they are out there, but they are silent. Every bio or bio compilation I read about trans men feature men who previously identified as lesbians and that are attracted to women. One of the few references I've found is Jackson Bird (both his youtube chanel and his book "Sorted").

 

Long story short - you are not alone, nothing wrong with who you are attracted to. Just be respectful and don't objectify anyone, that's all.

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Unfortunately many trans guys are like cis guys in that they don't display emotions the way women seem to do.    I know I am generalizing but look at the number of women on forums like this compared to men.  I was never gregarious as my former self.  I'm sure there are many reasons for this, T included.  You just have to continue looking.  The soul mate for you is out there somewhere.  

5 hours ago, Gabriel said:

Long story short - you are not alone, nothing wrong with who you are attracted to. Just be respectful and don't objectify anyone, that's all.

Amen!  

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Dear @Ethereal, it's nice to meet you and I'm happy you recently joined the community here. As other responders have shared, you're attracted to who you're attracted to. It's one aspect that makes you, well, you. It's all the qualities put together that create attraction - emotional, intellectual, spiritual, and yes physical too. Any person could embody those qualities, but we tend to have a "type." I'm AMAB and attracted to women, which would make me straight if I were a cis man... but I'm a trans woman, so I guess that would make me a lesbian. In the dating world, I feel like things tend to follow binary expectations and assumptions (at least they do in the cisgender, heterosexual contexts I'm most familiar with). Being transgender challenges the expectations and assumptions surrounding dating, both inside ourselves and with potential partners - no matter who we're attracted to. I think it's perfectly natural to wonder about our sexuality about during transition. However, the right partner will accept and understand all of this, and love you for being true to who you are. And to answer your question, I wouldn't feel offended if a trans man was interested in me, even though they're not my type.

 

Love,

~Audrey.

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8 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

Honestly, I'm happy when I receive ANY attention. So long as you're not into me JUST because I was AMAB,

I feel this way myself.   As a guy, I was not into guys.  And I still like women - not that I have anything going on these days.  But if a guy was into me, as a person, I would surely be open to it.

I don't see how all the labels really matter if it's the person that you're into.

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