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Non-Fiction Books About Questioning and Accepting Being Non-Binary


HaraSurya

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HaraSurya

I'm the type who likes to read about a subject rather than watch videos or get support piecemeal in a forum. To that end, can anyone recommend some non-fiction books that can help me with the questions I have about being non-binary. I'd rather the books be more subject-oriented like a textbook or guidebook than memoirs or collections of stories (though I understand it's hard to avoid for subjects like this).

 

For what it's worth, I read exclusively on Kindle so the book being available in that format and affordable are both big pluses.

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I highly recommend the same book Jackie said

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HaraSurya

That was already in my Amazon Wish List, so I went ahead and bought it.

 

I also picked up "My New Gender Workbook" since another user on this board recommended it.

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Jeffrey Marsh, How To Be You (a self discovery work book by a producer of N/B on-line films.)

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    • KathyLauren
      Self-doubt is very common.  My impression from seeing lots of introductory posts over the years is that doubting yourself is more common than being 100% sure from the beginning.  Like you say, though, it is okay.  It doesn't mean that you are not trans.  It just means you need to think about it some more.  Nothing wrong with that.   My self-doubt was sufficient to keep me from even thinking about being trans for 60 years.  Any time the thought came up, I'd smack it down right quick.  And yet here I am today.  The fact that the thought kept coming up anyway was what got me through the doubt.  Something I realized eventually was that, if I keep asking myself the same question over and over again ("Am I trans?"), it probably means that I keep coming up with the wrong answer.  Once I switched my answer from "Hell, no!" to "Yes", I stopped asking the question.   I don't recommend leaving the question hanging as long as I did.  If resolution of the doubt is not coming, it would make sense to talk to a therapist about it.
    • Jackie C.
      This is a very valid point. I mean if you're in the public eye, you want to appear as confident as you can be. Detractors will tear you to pieces over the smallest signs of weakness. I think self-doubt is more common than that though. Maybe not in people who were confident enough to post their stories on YouTube, but for the rest of us?   Take me for example. There were signs. So many signs. There wasn't any education though so I just assumed that everybody felt like I did. A totally unscientific timeline might look like: 3 yrs. - Started turning underwear around to look like a girl from the front. (Spontaneous invention of tucking?) 4 yrs. - Playing in mother and grandmother's closet and trying things on. Quickly reprimanded and beaten. 5 yrs. - Preferred playing "house" with the girls to anything the boys were doing. Building toys were an acceptable substitute, coloring was good. Cars were right out. Teased by the boys. 8 yrs. - Realizing it was possible to hide dressing in mother's clothes considering she never accessed one of her dressers. The one conveniently kept in my bedroom. Score! 12 yrs. - "Oh no. My D&D character has inadvertently put on the belt of gender bending (a real item in 1st edition). Whatever will I do?" Wow. How do I keep finding those? What a crazy, random circumstance. 13 yrs. - Back to mom's clothes, but it's more for bra stuffing as puberty has started to kick in and I like wearing the stuffed bra when my parents aren't home. They aren't home a lot. No idea that trans is even a THING past the occasional "joke" in the men's magazines one of the neighborhood boys keeps bringing around. 15 yrs. - REALLY into girls. "Wouldn't it be amazing to be a girl?" Every boy must feel like that right? I mean girls are so amazing. Why would anybody want to be a boy? Have to keep it quiet though. You wouldn't want anybody to think you were gay. (Hey, it was 1985 in the Midwest.) 16 yrs. - Well of COURSE I play female characters in the arcade. They have smaller hit boxes. 19 yrs. - Well of COURSE I play female characters on the computer. Who WOULDN'T want to watch a girl butt for 100 hours? Paired with, "Of COURSE I play female characters in RPGs. Why wouldn't I make the girl of my dreams?" 25ish to 48 yrs. - Become a miserable bastard. Continue game behavior, but don't think anything of it. Everybody feels like this all the time, right? 30 yrs. - Discover your best friend since Junior High is bigender. 48 yrs. - Goes full femme while wife is out of town. Gender euphoria is like mainlining pure love. Egg cracks. Well damn. I'm transgender. I mean seriously, there's a ton of self-doubt in there (self-loathing too). I think a lot of it is rooted in lack of education. I mean I didn't know trans was even a thing until I was out of high school and it was always represented as some kind of terrible perversion. Lots of internalized transphobia from the society at the time (and one of my parents). It's basically why I talk to my therapist once a week instead of seeing my parents.   Hugs!
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      Hey folks! I am still early on in my transitioning journey, but one thing I have already noticed is the lack of discussion (not here per se) on self doubt! I have quite a few friends who are also trans men, and follow several trans folks on all social media’s. One common thing I notice is that they all say they have always been 100% sure of their gender identity. While this is great and exciting, I think it can be harmful to other trans folks who struggle with self doubt. I personally have been struggling, thinking “well if I am having any self doubt at all I must not be trans because so-and-so said they knew 100% since they were 4.” Or whatever. Yes those people exist, and their journeys are entirely valid! But there are also folks who struggle with self doubt. And who question. And I am slowly learning (thanks to many of you) THAT IS OKAY!!! It is likely that your brain was developed in a cis-het society/family that has consistently pushed forward those ideas and beliefs. Of course when you finally start to realize that you may be trans, it’s going to feel foreign! It’s going to feel unacceptable or impossible. That is natural. And even after you accept it for yourself, you will likely still have doubts!! A life time of being told one thing and then experiencing another will do that to you. You are still valid. You are still whatever gender identity makes you happy. You are not any less because of self doubt. I do not think that self doubt is always indicative of a “mistake” or a sign that you should not transition. It’s okay to be nervous and to have questions about making such a huge change. It’s normal. It’s also okay to explore your gender and decide that you are cis, or that you are a different identity than what you initially thought. It’s okay to have self doubt and still identify as trans! Self doubt does not mean you aren’t who you thought you were, it just means you are still adjusting. Do not draw boxes so tight around yourself that you cannot breathe. I would greatly appreciate any folks who could comment on here and talk about self-doubt you have experienced and how you have navigated it. I hope this post helps other people, but I think I needed to write it just as much for myself as for others. Thanks for always being my space to exist. - Myles. 
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