Mental health and hrt

[magical realism]

Erm, Im not sure if this is the right place to post this, but ill try. Basically right now Im looking into hrt and trying to get as much info as I can so

I thought id ask a question. I have schizoaffective disorder, (basically schizophrenia with a mood disorder,it varies from bipolar to deep depression) and one of my biggest problems is hygiene. I just cant seem to work up a lot of will

to take care of myself most days. As ive been trying to inhabit my feminine side more sand more, even the idea of getting on hrt makes me feel incredibly peaceful,happy and hopeful. That said I find even without it I seem to more and more find myself on the edge of tears over the smallest things, not like in a bad way, but just like "thats amazingly beautiful and actualizing" kind of way, or like how ive heard people sometimes crying over heart pill commercials,lol. I really think its something I want to do, like it would make me feel so much better. But I worry sometimes, that my lack of ability to take care of myself might result in me one day having kind of the feminine body i want but unable to take care of much things like body hair, even facial hair, or just not being able to be feminine enough. Ending me up with boarding the dysphoria train on a one way ticket a lot of the time,if not most the time. I just know deep down its something I want to do, but from having bipolar all my life I have made so many horribly bad decisions, and I worry if Im doing it again. I also have to wonder about the emotional side of things, puberty was some of the darkest days of my life, and I dont want to go through that again emotionally. I guess what Im asking is if theres anyone else who struggles with hygiene like I do, thats already been there, or someone who has a mood disorder, or if someone could give some insight into my situation. My mood disorder is mostly handled these days,its just I still struggle with hygiene, and I wonder sometimes if going through second puberty might kind of throw gas on things half lit emotionally. Thanks.

[Jackie C.]

It might.

 

I was indifferent to a LOT of things when my body was still producing masculine dosages of T. My inner demons said, "Hey, it's not going to be right no matter what you do, why bother to take care of the meat suit?" I'm more hygienic now, though I can be cavalier with "icky" things like discarded gloves or the rope. I might skip a shower now and then (no more than once a week and never if I'm planning to go out) but I'm very much into taking better care of myself now. So basically transition motivated me to take better care of myself and led to a bunch of positive life choices.

 

Your mileage may vary because the spiderwebs in MY head are different than the ones in YOUR head. I've mostly come to terms with being as feminine as I can (there are bad days once in a while). While my body isn't perfect, it's pretty good and I put effort into maintenance every day. I feel more like an imperfect cis woman (like 99% of the other women out there) than an imposter if you get what I'm saying.

 

Hugs!

[magical realism]

1 hour ago, Jackie C. said:

It might.

 

I was indifferent to a LOT of things when my body was still producing masculine dosages of T. My inner demons said, "Hey, it's not going to be right no matter what you do, why bother to take care of the meat suit?" I'm more hygienic now, though I can be cavalier with "icky" things like discarded gloves or the rope. I might skip a shower now and then (no more than once a week and never if I'm planning to go out) but I'm very much into taking better care of myself now. So basically transition motivated me to take better care of myself and led to a bunch of positive life choices.

 

Your mileage may vary because the spiderwebs in MY head are different than the ones in YOUR head. I've mostly come to terms with being as feminine as I can (there are bad days once in a while). While my body isn't perfect, it's pretty good and I put effort into maintenance every day. I feel more like an imperfect cis woman (like 99% of the other women out there) than an imposter if you get what I'm saying.

 

Hugs!

 Thanks for an honest opinion its appreciated. I feel like thats all Id like, just to get back to that person I lost so long ago when I was a kid, feeling like who I really am. Hearing stories of things improving gives me hope, I know its never going to be 100% perfect, but just feeling and being how I feel inside sounds so much nicer. I still doubt myself a lot of the time, but I think Im getting closer every day towards true self acceptance. I hope Im making sense.