Could use some help

[Lexi C]

 

 

Could use some help.

I was involved in incident inside a CVS in north Hollywood California with a employee.

I have reach out to all the place I know about. LGBT Center, file a Police report and even call CVS Corp Office and file a complain, but nothing has come for it.

 

Back story. Saturday Feb, 6th at 930pm . I was inside a CVS, the line was not moving. I noticed the kiosks where free. So I ask the woman in front of me if she was using and she said no. So I walk pass her to the Kiosks put my money in and nothing happen, put it in again nothing happen. Finally an employee (the employee I had the incident with) says; “ The machine doesn’t take cash. I got mad because I now had to go back in line losing my place in the process. I started talk to myself out loud “ Why would you not have a sign that sez No cash aloud. God the CVS sucks , This is the worse CVS.

To which said employee then said; “why don’t you go somewhere else”. 

 

I said ,”I can’t this the only CVS around and it just Sucks.”

 

To which said employee said; “Well your a guy dress as a woman so you suck.”

 

Well the rest was a blur. I throw the bag of nuts I was holding at him and then push him. To which he responded to shove me to the ground.

I began screaming and crying “You can’t say. You can’t say”

To which the manager told me to leave taken the side of employee.

I filled a Police report and the report is mark as a battery against me cause bye hate.

Now here is my dilemma i haven’t be able to sleep or think cause all I keep hearing is his words. I have gotten super depress and I am at the end of rode.

Been on HRT for over 2yrs and two surgery in. I never had problem with mis -gender BRO or man even though I present as female but this..I feel like I have been rape or beating and I don’t know what to do next.

CVS corp never call back, LBGT center said they would discuss it, but i haven’t heard back. I was suppose to be contacted bye detective but they haven’t reach out

So I am asking for guidance or help finding legal aid

Thank you Lexi

 

 

Edited February 12, 2021 by Jani
Fixed title.

[Carolyn Marie]

Lexi, I'm so sorry this happened to you.  I'm not going to weigh in on what happened, because I wasn't there.  But you had a right to not get misgendered, and you had a right to file a crime report.  You are a human being who deserves respect and fair treatment, which the employee of CVS didn't offer you.

 

First things first; don't wait for a detective to call you.  You reach out to them.  Do you have a copy of the initial crime report, which the field officer should have given you?  It will have a report number on it, called a "DR Number."  It should be in the upper right corner.  Call North Hollywood Police Station, asked to speak to the detectives, and give the report number to the Detective Desk officer and ask to speak to the assigned detective.  They should ask you all the questions they need to ask.  Then ask either the detective or the station records clerk for a copy of the report for your records.

 

The next thing to do is contact the Transgender Law Center to see what they can do to help with your complaint against CVS.  You can get info here:  https://transgenderlawcenter.org/

 

I wish you luck with resolving this incident.  You should also continue trying to contact CVS corporate offices.  Be aware that the employee or manager may have initiated some type of complaint against you for assaulting their employee.  I don't know if they have, of course, but it is possible and you should be prepared.  I would not go back to that store if you can help it.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

[KayC]

@Lexi C I'm so sorry to hear about this.  It sounds very traumatic and I hope you can receive some resolution with the complaint you filed.
@Carolyn Marie gave some great advice and a path to follow, so I cannot add any more except to say .. sometimes these type events give us an opportunity to overcome and grow.  If you think of it this way (and not let intolerant people bring you down) I hope you can get a good nights sleep and wake up to a new, brighter day ?❤️

[Jani]

I'm sorry to read this Lexi.  Carolyn's advise is good.  As far as not being able to get the incident out of your mind, try to focus on moving forward realizing this was one incident and that there are jerks in the world.  We need not react to them all the time.  

 

Hugs, Jani

[Gabriel]

@Lexi C That had to be a very painful situation.

 

This would be my personal guidance:

1st. Do everything Caronlyn Maire wrote.

2nd. You are lovable, you are lovely and we have your back

3rd. (and I believe this is the most important one) You need to love yourself. Love yourself fiercely. Every crack, every bronken part, and every light and beautiful part. All of them. This is the only thing that can really save you.

 

Sending you my love

 

[Ann W]

@Lexi C I'm so sorry to hear how a simple trip to the drugstore turned out so badly.  You have friends here, so don't let one abusive encounter shape how you feel about everything.

 

That said, I know it's easier said than done.  I had a run in with a couple guys in a Rite Aid parking lot a while back.  I was stressed out with money and car problems, trying to run errands, and these guys wanted to sell me something.  I was short with them and they got really pissed.  They chased me to my car and I narrowly escaped a thrashing.

 

I kept replaying it in my mind for a long time.  I would imagine all the ways it could have gone, but no matter how I thought about it, It always got my adrenaline going all over again.

 

I'm just saying that these things can stay with you awhile...it's traumatic.  It sucks, it can make us colder if we let it, but it does fade in time.  I could still get worked up about what happened that day, but I don't anymore...it just took awhile, that's all.

You don't suck, and there is nothing the least bit invalid about you or how you dress, that was just a cheap shot.  So even if it haunts your mind, and it probably will, you're fine.  It will fade into your life story...just keep doing what you need to do.

 

We're here...big hug,

Ann

[Drayse]

I'm so sorry to hear that you had to go through that. Solidarity. ✊❤️

[KimmieElise]

@Lexi C  I am so sorry to hear about that.  That goes beyond being rude to not only clock you, but out you in a store.  Totally, out of line, and terrible customer service.  Where is got out of line was when it got personal and stopped being about CVS and started being about you.  Where I his manager, I would certainly show him the door.  In the end, this may reflect back on that particular location's leadership, because someone with customer service skills that are that terrible might already should have been fired, or is reflecting an bad culture in general in that store (which might also be indicated by the lack of a "no cash" sign on the kiosk.

 

The guy will probably lose his job.  It probably won't happen for a week or so, because corporate wheels turn slow, and the HR for CVS is going to want to make sure they have all the "i's" dotted, and "t's" crossed.  Just be patient for it.  Only if CVS doesn't fire the guy after say two weeks would I pursue this with them any further.

 

I am not a lawyer, and I am not a police officer, so what I am about to say next is not legal advice.  I have had powers of citizens arrest training in two states, including California, so I know a little.  Generally, as soon as you threw the bag of peanuts that is technically assault.  Pushing someone escalates that to battery.  I would tread very carefully no matter what you do.  You have absolutely every right to be angry!  No question.  If what you described in an accurate timeline of events, you escalated the situation and that is what the law looks at.  Please, keep your temper in check going forward, and don't go in CVS until this has blown over.  Be very careful how you proceed with this.

 

Give CVS lots of room to deal with this incident on their own.  I am sure they will.  Don't take the silence as them not doing anything.  It may be next Wednesday or later before they contact you,  but I am sure they are aware of what happened.

 

I agree with @Carolyn Marie.  Call the Trans Gender Law Center and get good legal advice, though I might do that before you talk to the police, so they can advise you regarding your statement to detectives, and what questions to ask.

 

Finally, this doesn't define you as a person.  This is a  bump in the road, albeit a painful one.  I think I would be furious if someone announced I was a dude in a dress, but I might have handled it with my cutting sarcasm rather than the way you did.  This does not have anything to do with your worth as a person, and you have every right to be angry and upset.  You need to find a constructive way to let that anger out or let go of it or it will either throw you into depression or eat you alive.  In a few years, you'll be helping another girl through their moment of being clocked.  You got this girl, and you have people here who care about you.

 

 ( I'd have probably said to him something to the effect, "Obviously, you think this place sucks to because you're obviously trying to lose your job.  I am trans gender, not just a dude in a dress, and if you can't handle that it is your problem entirely."  Then I would have asked him if he wanted to apologize and get through the transaction, or did he want to make the situation worse?  I would have stood there and glared at him until he responded and backed down or decided to say something else stupid, at which point I would have asked to see his manager.)

 

 

[Lexi C]

Thank you everyone esp Carolyn and Kimmmie but i keep hearing him. mock me...its get worse and today i was walking out a friend building and soon kid yell.." why are dress as woman. Dad why is that man dress as woman."

I can't think, back to drinking,,,i sorry ty again  

[Aggie1]

On 2/11/2021 at 6:31 AM, Gabriel said:

 

3rd. (and I believe this is the most important one) You need to love yourself. Love yourself fiercely. Every crack, every bronken part, and every light and beautiful part. All of them. This is the only thing that can really save you.

AMEN!!!

[Aggie1]

2 hours ago, Lexi C said:

Thank you everyone esp Carolyn and Kimmmie but i keep hearing him. mock me...its get worse and today i was walking out a friend building and soon kid yell.." why are dress as woman. Dad why is that man dress as woman."

I can't think, back to drinking,,,i sorry ty again  

Remember that what you’re responding to is a chemical reaction in your body. It’s adrenaline, the fight or flight response. And it’s only your recollection of what that chemical did to you. Try to focus your mind on what this chemical did to you like a science project. You’ve already taken the first steps along that path to document it in your post. Excellent first step! Don’t stop there though. Think through how you might respond differently the next time you run into a situation like this. Role play it in your mind. I wouldn’t try replacing it with a different chemical like alcohol though. That’s a a very temporary bandaid which won’t get at the root cause. 
 

now you just go look at Lexi in the mirror and you tell her how much you love her and how much she deserves respect and you fight for it!

 

you’ve got this. You can do it!

[Drayse]

8 hours ago, Lexi C said:

I keep hearing him mock me...it get worse and today i was walking out a friend building and soon kid yell.." why are dress as woman. Dad why is that man dress as woman."

I honestly don't know what I'd do in your situation and I understand the need numb the pain that you must be experiencing. When people talk about how this or that "crazy trans person" overreacted they don't see the constant ongoing misgendering, micro-and overt aggressions, including threats of harm to life and limb, that usually gets a trans person to that state. Indeed, all those details are kept hidden to bias the audience against the trans person and in favour of the actual aggressor.

 

And that kid.... Youth are pretty candid and I hear that they are also more likely to clock you than most adults. I'm not even at a stage where I'm passing in any way, so I look like a dude who dresses femme (a look a part of me really enjoys, btw). But how poorly trained is this kid to shout that out? Untrained, in that regard, more likely. Please try not to take what some kid says too seriously. I say that knowing that this is much easier said than done, and in your likely current state of mind it would be hard not to take this incident seriously.

 

I just wish I could hug the pain away for you.

[KimmieElise]

On 2/12/2021 at 11:16 PM, Lexi C said:

Thank you everyone esp Carolyn and Kimmmie but i keep hearing him. mock me...its get worse and today i was walking out a friend building and soon kid yell.." why are dress as woman. Dad why is that man dress as woman."

I can't think, back to drinking,,,i sorry ty again  

 

You can take two approaches to this situation, or any other bad situation.  You can chose to be a victim or a survivor.  The difference here is the survivor is stronger than the situation.  I totally barely know you, but if you are anything like me, you lived through years of dysphoria and discomfort before getting to where you are, and you made some tough choices to start moving forward with your life.  That's what survivors do.  You're stronger than you think.

 

You're NOT a man in a dress.  You're a trans-woman, and girl, you should be proud of that.  At least for me it is a badge of the strength and courage I had to do what I needed to do to be myself.  When someone calls you a "man in a dress," that's just an indication of how small their minds are, and how easily they might be discouraged and defeated.  By saying what he did, that guy in CVS proves he's a moron in a clerk's uniform.  Why would you care what someone like that says?  Note that he couldn't defend his store, and the best thing he could think of was to attack you.  Attacking someone is what people do if they can't counter their argument.  If he can't handle that, it's his problem, not yours.  Hold your head high.  You have no shame in being trans, and let no one try to pin shame on you.

 

Let me write that again:  THERE IS NO SHAME IN BEING TRANS!

 

If an adult says, "You're a man in a dress,"  hold your head high, smile, and say calmly, "No, I am a trans-woman in a dress."  If a child asks "why is that man dressed as a woman," you say, "I am special.  I am a transgender woman, not a man.  Ask  your daddy.  He will explain it to you."  Smile and be gentle while you speak to the child.

 

I am sure you'd rather not be clocked, but that may happen.  You have to find ways to deal with it.  Don't be a victim.   Be a survivor.

[Lexi C]

Thank Drayse and Kimmie for your kid works..Realy means a lot