What do you do?

[HollyElizabeth]

I had no idea where I should put this. If it's in the wrong place please move it, I wont mind.

 

So the last several days my dysphoria has been bad for me. I have one thing that I do when it seems to hit me hard that makes me feel better, I always fall back on my makeup. It's the only thing that I have that seems to make me feel right in the times that I feel like I'm stepping backward to how I was 6 months ago, how I felt back then. I know it might seem silly that applying makeup would make me feel better, but I find it reassures me that I am who I know I am. Putting on makeup seems to be the one thing that works for me.

 

My question is, what is it that helps with your dysphoria when it gets really bad. Whether you are M2F or F2M, what helps you through the really rough times we all have. I'm interested in hearing from everyone, share what makes you feel better. I think it would help others to know that there are those out there that they have in common with other people. Like I said, for me it's putting on makeup even if its 3am or I'm not going to go out. When my dysphoria gets bad, I just need to sit at my makeup table and get all prettied up. I bought a lot of dollar store makeup for those times so I don't waste my good stuff.

 

XOXO Holly

[DonkeySocks]

I had a custom crocheted doll made that includes what to me are masculine symbols. It's kind of a long story. The doll wouldn't mean"masculinity" to anyone not involved in my personal symbolism, but it means that to me on an unconscious level and it makes me relaxed to even look at it or especially to hold it. The doll is by my writing computer so I can remind myself that my dysphoria makes me tense up and have bad posture. Acknowledging that through paying attention to the doll, helps.

 

Not sure if this next part is TMI so you might want to skip it, but: I also bought a silicone packer that's too large for me to wear comfortably. I take it to bed with me. Not to use for anything, it's like a teddy bear, but it's a packer. Calms me down.

[DonkeySocks]

1 hour ago, HollyNoel said:

I know it might seem silly that applying makeup would make me feel better

Oh, and by the way, that's not silly at all. Applying makeup is a form of creative expression.

[HollyElizabeth]

@DonkeySocksI love that you have a doll that helps when you need something. And no it's not TMI about the "packer". Anything that actually helps is OK in my book. And thank you for saying that makeup wasn't silly. Believe it or not, I find it comforting that other people think I'm not being silly. I get told way to often that I'm being crazy for thinking I'm a woman. I am who I know I am, nothing anyone can do about that.

[Elizabeth Star]

I use makeup and clothing. Sometimes it's hard to not just put on every piece of femininity I own. I admit I like going to work now since I rarely get dead named or misgendered anymore. Same thing when I goto new places and if I have to show ID well, that was me...long ago. I still have my nights where I cry myself to sleep with my beany monkey. The Goddess knows no one else will hold me when I need it.

 

 

[DonkeySocks]

1 hour ago, HollyNoel said:

Anything that actually helps is OK in my book.

It's actually very validating to have it laid out simply like this, thanks Holly.

[HollyElizabeth]

@ElizabethStar I'm so happy that you are doing so well in the workplace. I was just a bit concerned that you might run across someone that might give you a hard time. And yeah I understand about wanting to put on every piece of femininity you own, sometimes I want to do that. lol. I plan on using the stimulus to pay for my legal name change and my gender marker change if I can get it at the time I do the name change. I just want to get it all done and get it all over. I already have my drivers license photo as Holly, I just need the name and the gender marker.

 

@DonkeySocksYour so very welcome. It is validating to just put it out there for everyone to see. It makes me feel like this is who I am and I'm not ashamed about who I am.

[Gabriel]

I look at my FaceApp gender swap picture. It helps me connect with who I really am inside even if my outer image doesn't look it. Not as a goal to attain, but as something that already IS inside of me. For me is deeply personal and intimate, and it calms me down and brings me peace.

Also, when I have a moment alone at home, I pack. That also calms me down.

 

Holly Noel, It makes total sense to me that make up would make you feel better.

[Elizabeth Star]

7 hours ago, HollyNoel said:

I'm so happy that you are doing so well in the workplace. I was just a bit concerned that you might run across someone that might give you a hard time. And yeah I understand about wanting to put on every piece of femininity you own, sometimes I want to do that. lol. I plan on using the stimulus to pay for my legal name change and my gender marker change if I can get it at the time I do the name change. I just want to get it all done and get it all over.

     Thanks Holly. I was concerned too but so far nothing's happened. If anything, I'm the one who acts a little awkward at times. I'm anxiously watching for any information on that next check for the same reason.

[HollyElizabeth]

Thank you @Gabriel, I never thought to use the face app as sort of like a mirror to my inside Holly. And thank you for saying the makeup thing isn't being weird.  Other people have seen me applying makeup at 3am, they ask me if I'm going someplace. I always say no, they must think I'm crazy..

 

@ElizabethStarThat is a relief that nothing has happened. I'm so glad the people at your job is good to you. If you're like me your awkward all the time, even before your transition. I was always awkward and shy, but since I've came out as trans the shyness has gone away. Now I'm just awkward.. lol

 

I'm serious, before I transitioned, I hated talking to or being around people I didn't know. Now I crave the attention. You can probably tell I'm a bit of a drama queen. This girl wants to be noticed.. lol

 

XOXO Holly

[Maddee]

The only thing that helps me is to present as female (not necessarily super-feminine) in front of people in public.   getting dressed at home or shopping thrift stores was ok. But I need to wear a little makeup, carry purses, use the ladies room and be engaged in light interpersonal exchanges as a woman.

 

This is progression.  Hoping to physically transition as much as possible.

[HollyElizabeth]

Doing everything you mentioned @Maddee helps me during the day, Carrying a purse, putting on makeup, wearing feminine clothing, all of that really helps. At night when there is no where to go, makeup really helps sooth my dysphoria. I can't explain it but just seeing myself all made up looking really nice tends to calm my panic attacks. I really wish my dysphoria monster would go away, I don't think its ever going to go away. That really makes me sad.

 

XOXO Holly

[Astrid]

On 2/12/2021 at 10:39 PM, HollyNoel said:

I am who I know I am

 

That's such a key thought, @HollyNoel!  For me, thinking similar thoughts helps when my dysphoria is higher.  I can also say that, for me, HRT has had a tremendous effect in lessening dysphoria, for which I'm thankful.