So confused :/

[Andreaa]

 

Hi, thank you for accepting me and sorry for my english, I’m writing from Italy.

This is my story: 1 year ago I started to have this weird feeling about my body: I want to hide my breast, I feel no confortable with female clothes, I have new sexual needs. So I cut my hair and I started to wear in a way that I feel ‘neutral’.

 

I spent some very hard months and I diceded to start a therapy, is very useful because lot of stuff is coming out but I’m also very scared: I don’t know what’s going on with me, I don’t know where my place is.

If I look back to my childhood I can’t find a clear signal of this nature.

I’m also questioning myself about my sexual orientation: I think I could be bisex but I’ve never been with a woman ad I’m married with a cisgender straight guy now.

 

Everything is so confused. Help! 

Thank you for reading me, thank you for sharing this safe  place.

 

have a nice  day!

A.

 

[Charlize]

Welcome Andreaa,  I'm glad you found us.  Many here share your feelings as well as the fears and doubts you describe.  Getting therapy helped me a great deal as did sharing here.  As i wrote about my own feelings and read about others i began to accept my feelings.  I hope you find the same.

By the way your english is excellent!  

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Andreaa]

Hi Charlize,

thank you very much for your answer. You’re right, I’m reading several posts here and there are so many things in common, I feel less alone.

Sharing is precious.

 

thank you for your being here.

Ciao!

[Susan R]

18 hours ago, Andreaa said:

1 year ago I started to have this weird feeling about my body: I want to hide my breast, I feel no confortable with female clothes, I have new sexual needs. So I cut my hair and I started to wear in a way that I feel ‘neutral’.

Hi @Andreaa, It’s nice to have you with us here. What you’ve described is not an uncommon experience with trans individuals at some point in their lives. Sometimes a stressful event, a death in the family or some other realization helps us see our true selves. It’s almost like a light is shown on a dark buried part of ourself that is hidden or suppressed. I refer to them a triggers but there are others that call them by other names. It can even be a single “Ah Ha” moment. The result can be life changing for us. This might be an excellent topic for discussion with your new therapist and I’m sure they will explore that with you if they haven’t already.

In time, Things may become much clearer and you’ll be able to feel more at ease with the changes if you so choose to move forward. Many of us here have embraced these changes and it has changed our lives for the best. I’m one of those individuals that have been helped greatly by embracing what I know to be my true self. Just know that exploration may seem scary at first but it can help you with other areas of your life that have been affected by the suppression and denial of this part of yourself.

 

Thank you for sharing and tell us more if you feel comfortable. We are here for you.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R

[Andreaa]

5 hours ago, Susan R said:

Hi @Andreaa, It’s nice to have you with us here. What you’ve described is not an uncommon experience with trans individuals at some point in their lives. Sometimes a stressful event, a death in the family or some other realization helps us see our true selves. It’s almost like a light is shown on a dark buried part of ourself that is hidden or suppressed. I refer to them a triggers but there are others that call them by other names. It can even be a single “Ah Ha” moment. The result can be life changing for us. This might be an excellent topic for discussion with your new therapist and I’m sure they will explore that with you if they haven’t already.

In time, Things may become much clearer and you’ll be able to feel more at ease with the changes if you so choose to move forward. Many of us here have embraced these changes and it has changed our lives for the best. I’m one of those individuals that have been helped greatly by embracing what I know to be my true self. Just know that exploration may seem scary at first but it can help you with other areas of your life that have been affected by the suppression and denial of this part of yourself.

 

Thank you for sharing and tell us more if you feel comfortable. We are here for you.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R

Hi Susan, thank you for your words.

What you said is very interesting: actually I lost my dad for carcer some years ago, then other trauma came; maybe the coronavirus situation adds new stressful vibes. I’ll talk about that to my therapist.
When I’m able to listen to myself and to my body without judging me, I feel so good and I really would like to save this feeling.

Hugs!

ciao

A

[justlauren]

I just want to drop in and let you know that I'm having a very similar experience. You are not alone. It's taken some time, but I can now see many things in my past that make more sense when I understand them as happening to someone who is not cis. For me, being stuck at home without a lot of people observing me was all it took to trigger this realization. Maybe that's enough. Good for you for getting a therapist. I still need to do that! This has been a really great place for me to rest in the truth of who I am, and let that be OK. I come here every day just to feel a little bit more connected. Keep searching. Every day is a new surprise, and it is really quite delightful when you give in to it.

[Mx.Drago]

Being confused is normal. You're only just human, doesn't matter what fancy words you pick to call yourself. You are you, and nobody can force you to be something you aren't. You can lie to people, but they don't exist with you 24/7 every step and breath you take. You can deny yourself, but that would just be denying your own internal reality. Life can be very uncomfortable. We want but can't always have or gain that desire, so we do what we can to get what we can. Life is short, precious, and you only get one. Your desires and interests are specifically yours whatever they may be, but they don't always come with fancy words attached. That word stuff can always be given over time as you grow more familiar of the human that you are. Best not to rush such developments, and be patient as well as kind to yourself.

This site does have lots of people that will be glad to help at least talk things through with you. Best journeys are the ones with friends.Try to not have words bind you but set you free. Stay safe.