Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Strangest way of coming out?


LusciousTheLock

Recommended Posts

I think I may have had the strangest way of coming out to my wife. How about you?  Anything similar?

 

I had been having counselling for over a year and still not told my wife. I mean how could I? We had been married for 15yrs and we had four children. I had already gone through two counsellors at this point as was still very closeted, not accepting the truth, but it was inevitable at that point. Anyway, I could never pin my wife down or find a good way of telling her, so I hatched a plan... Quite possibly an insane one, but I was desperate. She needed to know the truth.

 

I bought Champagne and covered our bed in rose petals. Set a romantic scene with music and an open fire. We were quite a kinky couple once upon a time, so settled on a bondage theme for the evening. She dressed in the most amazing latex dress (I was always jealous of her body) and she agreed to be tied down in a straight jacket. I shoved a ball-gag in her mouth, then explained I had something to tell her and that I tied her down to the bed for her own safety... And mine.

 

Once she had listened, I told her I would let her go and we could open the champagne and discuss. I'm glad I tied her down, because she wasnt happy and didnt want to listen, but she had no choice! But when I eventually removed the gag, she simply replied "That explains alot!" I refused to release her until she calmed down. Which she did, eventually. Actually it was quite a nice evening in the end. I shared some truly raw feelings that night about my childhood, and how I had always been someone else. She accepted straight away and understood my actions even though I felt very dishonest about our whole marriage, like I had been cheating on her. She told me we would work through it together.

 

Three years later, we're still together, kinda. More like sisters now, but I care for my wife more than anyone else on the planet.

Oh, and I promise I'm not a psycho :)

 

 

Link to comment

Hey Luscious, nice to meet you. Crazy story! I love latex. Haven't come out to my wife yet though, since I only realised the extent of my femaleness after we broke up about 8 months ago and I haven't seen her since. I plan to see her, and come out to her, in about a month when I travel back to where she lives, but I doubt I'll need a ball gag or handcuffs for the occasion! Anyway thanks for sharing. I like hearing crazy stories.

Link to comment

Well, we're not kinky anymore. Now its all she can do to get undressed in front of me. But I have my memories lol.

Link to comment
11 hours ago, Betty K said:

Haven't come out to my wife yet though, since I only realised the extent of my femaleness after we broke up about 8 months ago and I haven't seen her since.

My ex and I had split before I faced my own transness.  She was the first one I talked about it with.  She wasn't much surprised.  We never got back together, but are still friends.

Link to comment
9 hours ago, Jandi said:

We never got back together, but are still friends.

 

I think this will probably happen with us too. I can't imagine she'll disown me for it! And maybe it'll actually make it easier for us to be friends in a way. I hope so.

Link to comment

Awww!!! This is so raw and tender! ❤️

 

I'm sorry for the difficulties involved, but I'm glad that it sounds to be an overall positive outcome. Coming out can be a wild ride, no matter what the nature of the relationship. And the closer, the wilder!

Link to comment

Well, there is history to the story and I have a past...

 

I was made homeless at 16 due to my parent not wanting "My sort" around. I had also been abused as a child, tortured and bullied most of my younger life. I think because I was quite feminine and struggled to fit in. I actually got doused in petrol when I was 12 and set alight. Then received a beating from my parents who suggested I brought it on myself with my queer behaviour. I still have the scars all over my back and remember having to peel myself from my bed in the morning for  months. Never went to hospital or told a soul. They think the stress of this was the cause of my Diabetes which I discovered in my early 30's. Anyway, when I got kicked out of home I decided to change who I was completely. I weight trained, got big and muscly. Got new friends (Really quite undesirable people too, but they looked after me) but essentially changed everything about who I was. I used to go clubbing most weekends and with my tattooed and pierced body, could attract many pretty ladies.

 

But... I had a problem.  My equipment didn't work. It never had and I was too embarrassed to see a doctor or ask questions why. I loved women, but couldn't make any relationship last more than a couple of weeks for obvious reasons.  I fell in love with an absolute bombshell of a girl, but after stringing her along for three months it came to an end. I was having my first major depression and tried to slit my wrist (I still have the scar), I gave up at the point where I hit the vein and it hurt lol.

 

Anyway, a few months later, I was drinking a lot and taking drugs. One night I was walking down a street towards the river with my dog, when not being quite of sound mind, fell down a flight of concrete steps to a basement flat where I knocked myself out!  When I came too, there was a nurse stood over me, wiping blood from the top of my head. She checked if I was alright and invited me into her home to sort myself out. It turned out we knew each other, as my sister had just started seeing her brother and we met at a party (No incest, I swear). This was Christina who would become my future wife.

 

This is where the kink comes in...   We had been getting on quite well. This was a sensible strong woman who had been abandoned by her ex when she gave birth to their son. Chris had just gone back to work and her son was six months old. I kinda inherited an instant family with Chris instantly banning any drugs or alcohol from the house forcing me to sort myself out.  We looked like a model power couple, with her a nurse and myself getting promoted at work. I popped round most evenings and she was happy for the company and wanted me to stay over, but I knew I couldn't perform the way she wanted / needed and so I had an epiphany... How do Lesbians satisfy each other?

 

Chris would come home from work and would be absolutely shattered, and so I asked her to strip off and I would give her a massage with some oils. She was gorgeous, and both of us in our early twenties were certainly not shy of our bodies. I'm sure she thought the evening would would end in sex. But I planned to give her the best massage and oral sex she had ever experienced. There was of course another problem... My god was she hairy! Some people like the natural look, but I did not and certainly didn't want that in my mouth!

 

I asked her if she trusted me?  I told her I wanted to blindfold her and give her a surprise. She looked confused, yet excited and nodded.  Chris looked so relaxed laying on the bed looking back at me. I asked her to give me 2 minutes while I hunted her flat (apartment) for tools. I used pairs of her leggings from her airing cupboard to tie her to her bed. I then blindfolded and gagged her, then proceeded to shave her bald!

 

I continued to massage every inch of her body and eventually gave her what she had been craving with the use of my fingers and mouth. I had never been this close to a woman before, but appeared to be getting it right. I also discovered she climaxed quite violently soaking the bed (we slept on the floor that night lol).

 

Anyway... I was terrified that I may have gone too far and so released her. Thinking she would call the Police. Her first words were "Three things", yes? I replied nervously. "1. You will never shave me again, I have cuts everywhere."  "2. That was F*cking amazing, where did you learn to do that?" I was confused,  and then finally, "3. If you expect me to keep this bald, your joining the club too. If you grow it back, so will I".

 

I was 21, Chris a little older and much more experienced than me. Our relationship turned into a tit for tat, then evolved into a full on BDSM relationship. I told her I think I'm cursed, but she never pushed me to perform as she was more than satisfied with my performance. Our relationship worked because we both worked hard, looked after her son and looked like a normal family. Chris did a little modelling for some art friends too. We were punks, and her grungey goth look was a real turn on for me. Not sexually of course, but I always thought that this is how I would like to look if I had been a woman. I got to buy her clothes, do her makeup and hair. For the next ten years, I lived my female side through her. Chris was the submissive one between us. she loved to be humiliated, with my the more dominant of the two, perhaps a role reversal in our vanilla daily lives?

 

So, I have four children... How did that happen?   We had been to various munches in the area for a couple of years and had met some wonderful people at fetish clubs and there always seemed to be a party going on that we would get invited to or someone offering tips and advice to spice up our games. Obviously Chris had been talking to someone about my own "Performance" issues and so for my 24th birthday, Chris planned a surprise for me.

 

The evening of my birthday, I arrived home from work and was told my stepson was at his grandparents for the night and so was told to take an early bath then come into the bedroom for some fun. Whilst in the bath, Chris brought me in an ice cold beer, which I downed in one. It was a scorching May day. I dried myself and wandered into the bedroom. Chris was not wearing a lot and nor was our friend Clair (Who was also our body piercer). I was shocked to see another person in the room, but went along with it. I was tied down by the two lovely ladies and I started to feel a bit hot and whoozey. Clair was there to pierce both my nipples and left once that deed was done. My lover on the other hand, told me she had slipped two Viagra tablets into the beer I drank, and it was starting to take effect.

 

So I lost my virginity at the age of 24. To be honest, I got more sensation from my poor nipples (Which Chris kept wiping with ice) than I did from between my legs. That stayed numb throughout, but after an hour (Felt like ages) erupted, and stayed hard all night, but I was exhausted. Nine months later my first daughter was born. What this also did was jump start my body. I was cured! Or so I thought.  After, we both got a reputation for being sex mad. We tried everything, even Dogging!  My second daughter is named Kia as she was conceived... You get the idea.

 

So yeah, we married, had four children. happy families for the next ten years. Outgrew the kinky stuff as we matured. it was fun. I remember our last session in our dungeon before we sold our old house. We were sorting out old clothes and I think I had just found something else that Chris would look great in. Christina stopped me and said "Stop treating me like a doll you can dress up and play with". This was the first time I realised she was right. I had been living my feminine side through her for years. She was my doll. I stopped instantly and realised I had that "Weird" side I needed to repress. So I did for a few more years, forcing the thoughts out of my head every time they entered, and of course now my dear wife moans I never buy her any clothes and that I spend too much time on my own makeup! 

 

 

Link to comment

I guess I've got issues lol  No wonder I'm in my fourth year of weekly counselling! :D 

Link to comment
10 hours ago, gina-nicole-t said:

@LusciousTheLock I thought getting beat around by my adopted parents was hell. I think we both have our fair share of scars from our younger days of the ones who were supposed to love us not loving us, but abusing us for not living up to what they believed in. I was also kicked around in school for not acting like a normal guy, and I also didn't develop like you. Embarrassing; yes it is. Relationships for me were a lot like you in that they never have lasted any amount of time, but I also blame that on my overly religious parents who I don't think ever wanted me to date, or if they had lived past my 23rd birthday would've sent me to a Christian University to make sure I married whom they wanted me to marry. Talk about a couple of messed up people. I am also in my forth year of counseling, third year of HRT, and on the fourth of March i will have the first two surgeries to align my body to my mind. 

I respect, and feel for everything you have been through in your life. If that would have been me I doubt I would have made it alive. I think you are a stronger person in a lot of respects than I am. I know you are. 

Respectfully, 

Gina 

Wow! Thank you. Your progress is much further than mine. I'm just over 12 months into social transition and expect to start Hormones in around eight months if all goes to plan, its not easy here in the UK. The thing that always held me back the most was believing I was a freak or a "Shouldn't have been" a mistake. It took me three years of counselling to admit, that maybe I'm not such a bad person and I do deserve and have a right to live and be the person I want to be. The only reason I opened up in the end was when my own counsellor admitted that our stories were so very similar and she completely understood my thought processes and decision making. There are more of us out there, and I hope the world is changing for the better. Children, shouldn't go through what we did.   

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   4 Members, 0 Anonymous, 190 Guests (See full list)

    • MaeBe
    • awkward-yet-sweet
    • Selkimur
    • Abigail Genevieve
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      768.4k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,029
    • Most Online
      8,356

    earthpatch
    Newest Member
    earthpatch
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Anyatimenow
      Anyatimenow
      (23 years old)
    2. Aria00
      Aria00
    3. Ava B.
      Ava B.
      (24 years old)
    4. Claire Heshi
      Claire Heshi
    5. CrystalMatthews0426
      CrystalMatthews0426
      (41 years old)
  • Posts

    • MaeBe
      1.  I think there are some legitimate concern.   2. Thoroughly discussing this will consume many threads.   3. I disagree partially with @MaeBe but there is partial agreement.   4. The context includes what is happening in society that the authors are observing.  It is not an isolated document.   The observation is through a certain lens, because people do things differently doesn't mean they're doing it wrong. Honestly, a lot of the conservative rhetoric is morphing desires of people to be treated with respect and social equity to be tantamount to the absolution of the family, heterosexuality, etc. Also, being quiet and trying to blend in doesn't change anything. Show me a social change that benefits a minority or marginalized group that didn't need to be loud.   5. Trump, if elected, is as likely to spend his energies going after political opponents as he is to implementing something like this.   Trump will appoint people to do this, like Roger Severino (who was appointed before, who has a record of anti-LGBTQ+ actions), he need not do anything beyond this. His people are ready to push this agenda forward. While the conservative right rails about bureaucracy, they intend to weaponize it. There is no question. They don't want to simplify government, they simply want to fire everyone and bring in conservative "warriors" (their rhetoric). Does America survive 4 year cycles of purge/cronyism?   6. I reject critical theory, which is based on Marxism.  Marxism has never worked and never will.  Critical theory has problems which would need time to go into, which I do not have.   OK, but this seems like every other time CRT comes up with conservatives...completely out of the blue. I think it's reference is mostly just to spark outrage from the base. Definitely food thought for a different thread, though.   7. There are groups who have declared war on the nuclear family as problematically patriarchal, and a lot of other terms. They are easy to find on the internet.  This document is reacting to that (see #4 above).   What is the war on the nuclear family? I searched online and couldn't find much other than reasons why people aren't getting married as much or having kids (that wasn't a propaganda from Heritage or opinions pieces from the right that paint with really broad strokes). Easy things to see: the upward mobility and agency of women, the massive cost of rearing children, general negative attitudes about the future, male insecurity, etc. None of this equates to a war on the nuclear family, but I guess if you look at it as "men should be breadwinners and women must get married for financial support and extend the male family line (and to promote "National Greatness") I could see the decline of marriage as a sign of the collapse of a titled system and, if I was a beneficiary of that system or believe that to NOT be tilted, be aggrieved.   8.  Much of this would have to be legislated, and this is a policy documented.  Implementation would  be most likely different, but that does not mean criticism is unwarranted.   "It might be different if you just give it a chance", unlike all the other legislation that's out there targeting LGBTQ+ from the right, these are going to be different? First it will be trans rights, then it will be gay marriage, and then what? Women's suffrage?   I get it, we may have different compasses, but it's not hard to see that there's no place for queer people in the conservative worldview. There seems to be a consistent insistence that "America was and is no longer Great", as if the 1950s were the pinnacle of society, completely ignoring how great America still is and can continue to be--without having to regress society to the low standards of its patriarchal yesteryears.    
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Cadillac parts are pretty expensive, so repairing them costs more.  But they don't seem to break down more than other makes.  Lots of Lincoln models use Ford cars as a base, so you can get parts that aren't much more expensive.    My family has had good luck with "Panther platform" cars.  Ford Crown Victoria, Mercury Marquis, Lincoln Towncar or Continental.  4.6 V8 and 5.0 V8.  Reasonable fuel economy, and fairly durable.  Our county sheriff's office was running Chargers and SUV's for a while, but has gone back to older Crown Victorias for ease of maintenance.  GF rebuilds them here.  But they are getting more scarce, since the newest ones were made in 2011.    1992-1997 years were different than the later years.  1998-2001 they did some changes, and apparently the best years are 2003 to 2011.  Check Craigslist, and also government auctions.  GF has gotten a lot of them at auction, and they can be had in rough-but-running shape for around $1,000.  Ones in great shape can be found in the $5,000+ range.  Good for 200,000 miles without significant rebuilding.  Go through engine and transmission and electrical systems, and they go half a million.    Some Chrysler models are OK.  The 300 mostly has the same engines as the Charger and Challenger, so parts availability is pretty good.  But they tend to get timing issues.  The older Chrysler Sebring convertibles were pretty reliable, sometimes going 200,000 miles without tons of problems, although after that they were pretty much worn out. 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I think I have read everything the Southern Baptists have to say on transgender, and it helped convince me they are dead wrong on these issues.  They can be nice people.  I would never join an SBC church.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      You come across as a thoughtful, sweet, interesting and pleasant person.    There are parts of this country, and more so the world, where evangelicals experience a great deal of finger wagging.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      It has been an interesting experience being in a marriage in a Christian faith community, yet being intersex/trans.  I stay pretty quiet, and most have kind of accepted that I'm just the strange, harmless exception.  "Oh, that's just Jen.  Jen is...different."  I define success as being a person most folks just overlook. 
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Well, I live in an area with a lot of Southern Baptists, Evangelicals, etc...  We've experienced our share of finger-wagging, as the "standard interpretation" of Scripture in the USA is that the Bible only approves of "one man, one woman" marriage.  My faith community is mostly accepted here, but that has taken time and effort.  It can be tough at times to continue to engage with culture and the broader population, and avoid the temptation to huddle up behind walls like a cult.    Tolerance only goes so far.  At one point, my husband was asked to run for sheriff.  He declined, partly because an elected official with four wives would have a REALLY tough time.  (Of course, making way less than his current salary wasn't an option either). 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      My bone structure is far more female than male.  I can't throw like a guy, which has been observed by guys numerous times, and moving like a woman is more natural.  It just is.  I'm not going out of my way to act in a fem. way, as you say, but I am letting go of some of the 'I am not going to move like that because I am a guy' stuff I have defensively developed.  The other breaks through anyway - there were numerous looks from people at work when I would use gestures that are forbidden to men, or say something spontaneously no guy would ever say.   At one point, maybe a year or more ago, I said it was unfair for people to think they were dealing with a man when they were actually dealing with a woman.    Girl here.  'What is a woman' is a topic for another day.
    • Willow
      Mom, I’m home!  What’s for lunch?   Leftover pizza .   ok.    Not exactly our conversation but there is truth in the answer.     @KymmieLsorry you are sick. Feel better soon.   Girl mode, boy mode no mode, not us. Nothing functional for either of us.   anyone here have or had a 10 year old (plus or minus) Caddy, Lincoln or Chrysler?  How was it?  Lots of repairs?  Comfortable seats? Anything positive or negative about it?  I need to replace my 2004 Ford Explorer Eddie Bauer, it’s eating $100 dollar bills and needs a couple of thousand dollars worth of work and that doesn’t even fix the check engine code.  Obviously, it isn’t worth putting that kind of money into a 20 year old car with a 174 thousand miles.   Willow
    • Ashley0616
      Oversized pink shirt, pink and black sports bra
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I think you mean the worst possible interpretation of 2025 situation.  Keep in mind that there are those who will distort and downright lie about anything coming from conservatives - I have seen it time and time again.  It's one of the reasons I want to read the thing slowly and carefully.  They want you to be very, very afraid. 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Here is where the expectation is that the stereotypical evangelical comes in finger wagging, disapproving and condemning.    Not gonna do that.   You have to work these things out.  Transgender issues put a whole different spin on everything and God understands what we are going through. I have enough trouble over here.  :)
    • Ivy
      You do you. You seem to be in a safe place if we end up with a 2025 situation.  But a lot of us are not.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Well, my marriage is different.  I'm actually part of a multi-partner marriage.  Like you see in the Book of Genesis.  My husband has four wives...and me.  I was kind of an accident, as our community sets the "reasonable maximum" at four wives, but that's a long story.  Plural marriage is approved in my faith community, with the exception of spiritual leaders, as described in 1 Timothy 3.  We believe that anything that isn't specifically prohibited is permitted.    The purpose of marriage is for people to work together, demonstrate the love of God, and to have children.  My faith believes in exponential reproduction - big families with lots of kids, both as a blessing and with the intention of using the size of our population for political ends.  Being intersex/trans and unable to bear children, I wouldn't have been a good candidate to be somebody's only spouse (the majority of our community tends toward traditional couple marriage).  Since my husband has other partners, I don't have to worry about the childbearing aspect, and I help out with raising our family's kids.  I'm a "bonus parent."    I'm not 100% open about my intersex/trans nature, although my community's leaders are aware of me.  Being transgender isn't condemned, but it is seen as a health problem derived from an imperfect, fallen world and an environment polluted with chemicals.  Since I'm married, I have a safe place to be, and I can live how I need to live.    I firmly believe the advice given in 1 Corinthians 7.  We don't totally own our bodies.  God gets a say, as I believe He created us to be male or female, not something outside the binary.  I don't think that transition without discussion with partners is OK....again, we don't totally own ourselves.  When I started to figure myself out, that was actually the main thing on my mind - will my partners accept me?  How will my position in the family change?  Since my partners don't really have a problem with the mild version of transition that I wanted to do, it has all been good. 
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Indeed.  While it seems like the majority of LGBTQ+ folks vote for Democrat candidates, not everybody drinks the Kool-Aid.  I'm a registered Independent, since I vote for individuals rather than party.  One of my trans friends is very pro-Trump - wears her MAGA hat and everything.  I find it interesting to see the reactions she gets... folks aren't always as tolerant as they claim to be.  Even on this forum, you get some real flak from Democrat voters....many will insist that the California way is the only way.    In my opinion, "Project 2025" isn't the real problem.  Check out UN "Agenda 2030."   
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      While Biden may be more friendly to trans folks, I'm not a single-issue voter.  I just can't choose a Democrat candidate, as I believe their actions will destroy my community and way of life.  Biden just announced that he wants to significantly increase capital gains taxes.  Maybe he intends to "tax the rich" but that is going to affect everything from land sales to grocery prices to the cost of electricity and even folks' retirement savings, as most companies make a large amount of their profits through investing in the market.  It is absolute lunacy to think that increased cost or reduced profits won't be passed on to the rest of us.  Things are going to get way worse at this rate.    Mostly, I vote in elections for state and local issues, as the national government is about as pleasant as a Porta-Potty in July.  So, either I'll do a write-in vote for president, or I'll check the box for Trump.  Anything but Biden.     
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...