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Strangest way of coming out?


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I think I may have had the strangest way of coming out to my wife. How about you?  Anything similar?


I had been having counselling for over a year and still not told my wife. I mean how could I? We had been married for 15yrs and we had four children. I had already gone through two counsellors at this point as was still very closeted, not accepting the truth, but it was inevitable at that point. Anyway, I could never pin my wife down or find a good way of telling her, so I hatched a plan... Quite possibly an insane one, but I was desperate. She needed to know the truth.


I bought Champagne and covered our bed in rose petals. Set a romantic scene with music and an open fire. We were quite a kinky couple once upon a time, so settled on a bondage theme for the evening. She dressed in the most amazing latex dress (I was always jealous of her body) and she agreed to be tied down in a straight jacket. I shoved a ball-gag in her mouth, then explained I had something to tell her and that I tied her down to the bed for her own safety... And mine.


Once she had listened, I told her I would let her go and we could open the champagne and discuss. I'm glad I tied her down, because she wasnt happy and didnt want to listen, but she had no choice! But when I eventually removed the gag, she simply replied "That explains alot!" I refused to release her until she calmed down. Which she did, eventually. Actually it was quite a nice evening in the end. I shared some truly raw feelings that night about my childhood, and how I had always been someone else. She accepted straight away and understood my actions even though I felt very dishonest about our whole marriage, like I had been cheating on her. She told me we would work through it together.


Three years later, we're still together, kinda. More like sisters now, but I care for my wife more than anyone else on the planet.

Oh, and I promise I'm not a psycho :)



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Hey Luscious, nice to meet you. Crazy story! I love latex. Haven't come out to my wife yet though, since I only realised the extent of my femaleness after we broke up about 8 months ago and I haven't seen her since. I plan to see her, and come out to her, in about a month when I travel back to where she lives, but I doubt I'll need a ball gag or handcuffs for the occasion! Anyway thanks for sharing. I like hearing crazy stories.

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Well, we're not kinky anymore. Now its all she can do to get undressed in front of me. But I have my memories lol.

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11 hours ago, Betty K said:

Haven't come out to my wife yet though, since I only realised the extent of my femaleness after we broke up about 8 months ago and I haven't seen her since.

My ex and I had split before I faced my own transness.  She was the first one I talked about it with.  She wasn't much surprised.  We never got back together, but are still friends.

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9 hours ago, Jandi said:

We never got back together, but are still friends.


I think this will probably happen with us too. I can't imagine she'll disown me for it! And maybe it'll actually make it easier for us to be friends in a way. I hope so.

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Heather Nicole

Awww!!! This is so raw and tender! ❤️


I'm sorry for the difficulties involved, but I'm glad that it sounds to be an overall positive outcome. Coming out can be a wild ride, no matter what the nature of the relationship. And the closer, the wilder!

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@LusciousTheLock while I never have been into the BDSM or kinky as you describe it (possibly due to the abuse suffered growing up), I did enjoy the story as you told it. As I kept reading I thought to myself that you having to restrain your wife so you could tell her that you were trans for your safety and her safety was interesting. I can only picture her as someone that is fairly strong as a woman, and that is not someone that I have seen in a very long time. My adopted mom was very strong, not that she looked it. I am glad that you are still married after three years of your transition, but to me if your wife has issues to the point of not even wanting to get undressed in front of you; how supportive is she really? Not trying to start anything, just asking your opinion on that because you posted it. 



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Well, there is history to the story and I have a past...


I was made homeless at 16 due to my parent not wanting "My sort" around. I had also been abused as a child, tortured and bullied most of my younger life. I think because I was quite feminine and struggled to fit in. I actually got doused in petrol when I was 12 and set alight. Then received a beating from my parents who suggested I brought it on myself with my queer behaviour. I still have the scars all over my back and remember having to peel myself from my bed in the morning for  months. Never went to hospital or told a soul. They think the stress of this was the cause of my Diabetes which I discovered in my early 30's. Anyway, when I got kicked out of home I decided to change who I was completely. I weight trained, got big and muscly. Got new friends (Really quite undesirable people too, but they looked after me) but essentially changed everything about who I was. I used to go clubbing most weekends and with my tattooed and pierced body, could attract many pretty ladies.


But... I had a problem.  My equipment didn't work. It never had and I was too embarrassed to see a doctor or ask questions why. I loved women, but couldn't make any relationship last more than a couple of weeks for obvious reasons.  I fell in love with an absolute bombshell of a girl, but after stringing her along for three months it came to an end. I was having my first major depression and tried to slit my wrist (I still have the scar), I gave up at the point where I hit the vein and it hurt lol.


Anyway, a few months later, I was drinking a lot and taking drugs. One night I was walking down a street towards the river with my dog, when not being quite of sound mind, fell down a flight of concrete steps to a basement flat where I knocked myself out!  When I came too, there was a nurse stood over me, wiping blood from the top of my head. She checked if I was alright and invited me into her home to sort myself out. It turned out we knew each other, as my sister had just started seeing her brother and we met at a party (No incest, I swear). This was Christina who would become my future wife.


This is where the kink comes in...   We had been getting on quite well. This was a sensible strong woman who had been abandoned by her ex when she gave birth to their son. Chris had just gone back to work and her son was six months old. I kinda inherited an instant family with Chris instantly banning any drugs or alcohol from the house forcing me to sort myself out.  We looked like a model power couple, with her a nurse and myself getting promoted at work. I popped round most evenings and she was happy for the company and wanted me to stay over, but I knew I couldn't perform the way she wanted / needed and so I had an epiphany... How do Lesbians satisfy each other?


Chris would come home from work and would be absolutely shattered, and so I asked her to strip off and I would give her a massage with some oils. She was gorgeous, and both of us in our early twenties were certainly not shy of our bodies. I'm sure she thought the evening would would end in sex. But I planned to give her the best massage and oral sex she had ever experienced. There was of course another problem... My god was she hairy! Some people like the natural look, but I did not and certainly didn't want that in my mouth!


I asked her if she trusted me?  I told her I wanted to blindfold her and give her a surprise. She looked confused, yet excited and nodded.  Chris looked so relaxed laying on the bed looking back at me. I asked her to give me 2 minutes while I hunted her flat (apartment) for tools. I used pairs of her leggings from her airing cupboard to tie her to her bed. I then blindfolded and gagged her, then proceeded to shave her bald!


I continued to massage every inch of her body and eventually gave her what she had been craving with the use of my fingers and mouth. I had never been this close to a woman before, but appeared to be getting it right. I also discovered she climaxed quite violently soaking the bed (we slept on the floor that night lol).


Anyway... I was terrified that I may have gone too far and so released her. Thinking she would call the Police. Her first words were "Three things", yes? I replied nervously. "1. You will never shave me again, I have cuts everywhere."  "2. That was F*cking amazing, where did you learn to do that?" I was confused,  and then finally, "3. If you expect me to keep this bald, your joining the club too. If you grow it back, so will I".


I was 21, Chris a little older and much more experienced than me. Our relationship turned into a tit for tat, then evolved into a full on BDSM relationship. I told her I think I'm cursed, but she never pushed me to perform as she was more than satisfied with my performance. Our relationship worked because we both worked hard, looked after her son and looked like a normal family. Chris did a little modelling for some art friends too. We were punks, and her grungey goth look was a real turn on for me. Not sexually of course, but I always thought that this is how I would like to look if I had been a woman. I got to buy her clothes, do her makeup and hair. For the next ten years, I lived my female side through her. Chris was the submissive one between us. she loved to be humiliated, with my the more dominant of the two, perhaps a role reversal in our vanilla daily lives?


So, I have four children... How did that happen?   We had been to various munches in the area for a couple of years and had met some wonderful people at fetish clubs and there always seemed to be a party going on that we would get invited to or someone offering tips and advice to spice up our games. Obviously Chris had been talking to someone about my own "Performance" issues and so for my 24th birthday, Chris planned a surprise for me.


The evening of my birthday, I arrived home from work and was told my stepson was at his grandparents for the night and so was told to take an early bath then come into the bedroom for some fun. Whilst in the bath, Chris brought me in an ice cold beer, which I downed in one. It was a scorching May day. I dried myself and wandered into the bedroom. Chris was not wearing a lot and nor was our friend Clair (Who was also our body piercer). I was shocked to see another person in the room, but went along with it. I was tied down by the two lovely ladies and I started to feel a bit hot and whoozey. Clair was there to pierce both my nipples and left once that deed was done. My lover on the other hand, told me she had slipped two Viagra tablets into the beer I drank, and it was starting to take effect.


So I lost my virginity at the age of 24. To be honest, I got more sensation from my poor nipples (Which Chris kept wiping with ice) than I did from between my legs. That stayed numb throughout, but after an hour (Felt like ages) erupted, and stayed hard all night, but I was exhausted. Nine months later my first daughter was born. What this also did was jump start my body. I was cured! Or so I thought.  After, we both got a reputation for being sex mad. We tried everything, even Dogging!  My second daughter is named Kia as she was conceived... You get the idea.


So yeah, we married, had four children. happy families for the next ten years. Outgrew the kinky stuff as we matured. it was fun. I remember our last session in our dungeon before we sold our old house. We were sorting out old clothes and I think I had just found something else that Chris would look great in. Christina stopped me and said "Stop treating me like a doll you can dress up and play with". This was the first time I realised she was right. I had been living my feminine side through her for years. She was my doll. I stopped instantly and realised I had that "Weird" side I needed to repress. So I did for a few more years, forcing the thoughts out of my head every time they entered, and of course now my dear wife moans I never buy her any clothes and that I spend too much time on my own makeup! 



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I guess I've got issues lol  No wonder I'm in my fourth year of weekly counselling! :D 

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@LusciousTheLock I thought getting beat around by my adopted parents was hell. I think we both have our fair share of scars from our younger days of the ones who were supposed to love us not loving us, but abusing us for not living up to what they believed in. I was also kicked around in school for not acting like a normal guy, and I also didn't develop like you. Embarrassing; yes it is. Relationships for me were a lot like you in that they never have lasted any amount of time, but I also blame that on my overly religious parents who I don't think ever wanted me to date, or if they had lived past my 23rd birthday would've sent me to a Christian University to make sure I married whom they wanted me to marry. Talk about a couple of messed up people. I am also in my forth year of counseling, third year of HRT, and on the fourth of March i will have the first two surgeries to align my body to my mind. 

I respect, and feel for everything you have been through in your life. If that would have been me I doubt I would have made it alive. I think you are a stronger person in a lot of respects than I am. I know you are. 



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10 hours ago, gina-nicole-t said:

@LusciousTheLock I thought getting beat around by my adopted parents was hell. I think we both have our fair share of scars from our younger days of the ones who were supposed to love us not loving us, but abusing us for not living up to what they believed in. I was also kicked around in school for not acting like a normal guy, and I also didn't develop like you. Embarrassing; yes it is. Relationships for me were a lot like you in that they never have lasted any amount of time, but I also blame that on my overly religious parents who I don't think ever wanted me to date, or if they had lived past my 23rd birthday would've sent me to a Christian University to make sure I married whom they wanted me to marry. Talk about a couple of messed up people. I am also in my forth year of counseling, third year of HRT, and on the fourth of March i will have the first two surgeries to align my body to my mind. 

I respect, and feel for everything you have been through in your life. If that would have been me I doubt I would have made it alive. I think you are a stronger person in a lot of respects than I am. I know you are. 



Wow! Thank you. Your progress is much further than mine. I'm just over 12 months into social transition and expect to start Hormones in around eight months if all goes to plan, its not easy here in the UK. The thing that always held me back the most was believing I was a freak or a "Shouldn't have been" a mistake. It took me three years of counselling to admit, that maybe I'm not such a bad person and I do deserve and have a right to live and be the person I want to be. The only reason I opened up in the end was when my own counsellor admitted that our stories were so very similar and she completely understood my thought processes and decision making. There are more of us out there, and I hope the world is changing for the better. Children, shouldn't go through what we did.   

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@LusciousTheLock You are very correct, children should never have to go through what we had to go through. Sadly it still goes on, and probably will go on until the powers that be are finally held to account for not doing their jobs and doing something when children today report their parents for abusing them, and have medical evidence to back up the claims. I cannot speak intelligently for the UK, but here in America they have a horrible habit of putting the abused kids back with the abusive parents. Sadly the kids sometimes either end up as runaways, or dead from the abuse. We got lucky to survive. I am so glad to have met you on here. If I don't talk to you again, I will talk to you after I get out of the hospital. 



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