Coming out to my grandma.

[Red_Lauren.]

I currently live with my 85 year old grandma. Who dose need me more then I need her. We both care about each other,  but she don't like my female side. She snoops so she found my stuff a long time ago. Any way she has called me sick, perverted, and say I can't do that. Any time some thing mentions any thing trans related on tv. It don't matter if its a tv show, or the news. She will go out of her way to say some thing condescending to me about it, She will also mock me over a ad for makeup or bras. Really any thing female related. Saying maybe I should get what ever they are selling. 

 

At this point I don't care if she doesn't want me around any longer, or even ever wants to talk to me. In my eyes its just another person that don't want me around, and at this point in my life. Im ok with that. 

[Gabriel]

It's really tough when the people who is closer to you is no only unsuportive but actually passive-agressive like you grandma sounds. But you are choosing to be yourself no matter what, and that is great.

Sending you support and energy

[Red_Lauren.]

 Her being passive aggressive is only the tip of the iceberg with her. She never wants any one else to be happy, because she was never happy. I truly think she hates men, but won't admit it. She fabricates story's in her head, and believes them. Like when I had a girl friend. She always believed we were always having wild sex parties, or she was only with me for my money. Believe me I'm far from rich. They were typically making more money then me. There is other things, but this isn't the palce for them.

[Jackie C.]

It might not be her fault. My Aunt Opal was like that and my grandmother got like that as she got older. My aunt Carol started to turn when she was in her, thirties. It kind of runs through the women on that side of the family and it's a genetic tendency towards a schizophrenic disorder and it gets worse as they get older.

 

Even so, you shouldn't have to have someone that toxic in your life.

 

Hugs! 

[Red_Lauren.]

It might not be her fault, and it might be. When my dad was still alive. He didn't have a great relationship with her. He would always spend time with his grandma and grandpa, and as I got older. Some of the stuff he told me about his mom. Makes sense as to why he never spent a lot of time with his mom.

 

She is also very controlling, and if you are not living the pre determined life she had planned out for you. You never hear the end of it, and you just give in to shut her up. 

 

A few weeks ago I had a really bad day at work. A job I didn't want, but she wanted me to take. I only took it because it worked with my future plans, and because it fit her per determined life she had planned out for me, and blew a tire on the way home. Since its a awd car. I would have to buy all four tires. Which was going to run me almost 1k. So there went my own place. I got home just pissed off. I don't know if it was the hormones or just 16 years of being told what to do, but I didn't hold back when I got home. She was the main source of my anger. I told her Im sick of being told what to do, how to think, act etc. I was sick and tired of her talking down to me like I was a toddler. I told her I can't keep living this pre determined life she has planned out for me. I also can't keep trying to make her happy. When I my self can't be happy. I told her I have been depressed since I came to live with her, and I think of killing my self daily. Even after all that. She just said sorry your life has been bad.  

 

Im not asking for you guys to feel bad for me. Its just kind of my vent. I'm working on getting out of her house. As I said she needs me more then I need her, but I won't give up my own happiness for her any longer. 

[Jackie C.]

1 hour ago, Red_Lauren. said:

I won't give up my own happiness for her any longer. 

 

Nor should you.

 

Hugs!

[Red_Lauren.]

3 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

 

Nor should you.

 

Hugs!

She's defiantly the last hurdle to get over in my transition. As she is the only one in my life that I have left. That matters to me. My moms side was never really there. I don't know why, or really care. I just know for some reason im the black sheep, and have been since birth.