Hello, looking for answers

[Kali]

Hi! I'm Kali and I'm 14 years old, I am biologically a female but have been feeling like I want to be a male for a while. I first thought I was non-binary but I don't think that label fits me. I was doing some research on how other people realized they were trans and I'm confused. A lot of people say that they knew when they were younger or there were signs when they were younger like they didn't like toys or clothes that were stereotypically for their assigned gender but I never went through that. I was always a very "girly" person, I loved dresses, skirts, makeup, etc.. as a kid. Now that I am a bit older I still like those typical "girly" things but I don't feel like a girl. If I am transgender I think I would be a more feminine boy and that's what is making me re-think what I am feeling, I'm worried that this could just be a phase. I don't feel comfortable in my own body, I hate it and I don't know what to do. I also can't tell if I genuinely want to be a man or if I just find them attractive. I feel extremely uncomfortable when people use she/her pronouns for me but I don't have anybody I trust enough to ask to use he/him pronouns to experiment with. I just want to figure out who I am because I'm having a really hard time. I am hoping somebody on here could help me.

[KathyLauren]

Hi, Kali.  Welcome!

 

Your best bet is to start talking to a gender therapist to help you understand what you are feeling.  I understand that, being legally a minor, that could involve some negotiating with your parents.  I hope that process goes well for you.

 

It is quite common for trans people not to know that they are trans until later.  I didn't start to wonder about my gender until I was in my 30s or 40s.  For people assigned female at birth, the most common age to start becoming aware of it is right around or just after puberty.  The hormones hit, and your brain goes, "Whoa, wait a second there!"

[Jackie C.]

Hey @Kali! My first suggestion would be to find a gender therapist at your earliest convenience to help you through this. While we're friendly, supportive and have tons of experience we can't give you a diagnosis.

 

Now with that out of the way, the most important definition is that you're a human and a Kali. We don't fit into easy boxes. It can take a minute to figure out who we are. Our rule of thumb is that if you're questioning your gender, you're probably not cis.

 

So yeah, welcome! We're glad you're here!

 

Hugs!

[Delcina B]

Welcome Kali! As another new to taking the gender journey I feel your confusion. The advice to see a gender therapist given already is a great place to start, along with the great support & advice I've found here.

 

Welcome,

Delcina

[Vanessa Michelle]

Hi @Kaliand welcome to the group! It's great to have you here! I would echo the comment above about seeing a gender therapist which would be super helpful to you in your journey. Also, you will find a ton of answers and support here so feel free to post often and reach out along the way. That is what we all do and what we're here for. Bless you! ❤️

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Kali,

Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here!

 

From my experience, when we first realize we aren't cis gender, we feel in a rush to put a label on ourselves, which leads to a lot of stress and anxiety. You will read here about this being a journey. It's not a journey that Scotty from Star Trek can beam you to your destination in a moments time. It's more like a road trip that takes time to travel. The best advice I can give is advice I've been given. Just slow down and be yourself. Don't worry about slapping a label on yourself today. Give it time and the answers will come. This is what I did and it made a very positive difference.

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf?

[rainflower]

I'm similar to you Kali, I didn't start exploring being female until I was about 17. When I was younger I would try to act like a girl around my male friends and I wanted to be their girlfriend, but that was about it. Otherwise I liked gory movies, GI Joe, and playing army, I didn't mind playing house tho, or incorporating Barbie, or helping my friends clean their rooms, I just did whatever. I was interested in fashion and how people dressed, and wanted to wear clothes that flattered my figure. I didn't have strong feelings that it was wrong that I was a boy. Realizing that I wanted to actually be a woman hit at about 17, after all the changes from puberty I was disgusted at the outcome, all the facial and body hair, the masculine look to my face and body, no breasts. But with the shame and guilt I hid that for a long time until I finally hatched at age 36. 

You might want to watch The Transition Channel on YouTube, it helped me sort out some of my thoughts and feelings.

[Vanessa Michelle]

@KaliWelcome to the group ❤️