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Coming out to my girlfriend


Natalie99

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Hi all,

 

I am planning to come out to my girlfriend. As an MTF transgender woman.

I am afraid of it. I am afraid of losing her. I am afraid of telling her. (She would be the first person that I come out to face-to-face).

I am planning to tell her that I am questioning, I am not sure about my identity. But I am afraid of her reaction.

What should I do? Or how should I do it?

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I came out to my wife (still the only person other than therapist) last year. She has been more afraid of losing the relationship than unhappy with my discovery. She's afraid of what I'll want and who I might be as a woman, but was really far more accepting of the idea of me as simply not being a binary male.

So, in light of my experience, which may or may not be typical, I would consider the followingMaybe reassure that this is not a rejection of her or the relationship but more an acceptance (you accepting yourself) and also that you will not become some stranger she will not know, but in fact will be you and a happier you.

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  • Forum Moderator
21 hours ago, Natalie99 said:

I am planning to tell her that I am questioning, I am not sure about my identity. But I am afraid of her reaction.

Natalie if this is not 100% true that you are questioning do not lie to your girlfriend.  When you eventually do tell her you are transgender she will question your sincerity.  Be honest.  What will be will be.  

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On 3/17/2021 at 10:05 AM, Natalie99 said:

I am planning to tell her that I am questioning, I am not sure about my identity. But I am afraid of her reaction.

What should I do? Or how should I do it?

I’m probably the last person in the world that should answer these questions as made the mistake of procrastinating telling my wife and it eventually sent me into a deep depression. As it turns out, she was more accepting than I ever thought imaginable. But I tend to agree with @gina-nicole-t when she states, “...it will be better for you alone than with someone who is toxic in your life as a possible caregiver.”

 

If your g/f outright rejects the ‘true you’ now, it does give an early warning that the likelihood of her accepting you later in life, after things have become more permanent, is not as promising.

 

Also, @Msecret makes a very good point. “Maybe reassure that this is not a rejection of her or the relationship but more an acceptance (you accepting yourself) and also that you will not become some stranger she will not know, but in fact will be you and a happier you.”

 

I think this is so important because it was was one of the issues my wife brought up to me the day I came out and I have seen it brought up several times over the years here on this forum. Significant others have no idea what this means for them. Reassurance that your love for them will never change and that you will be a happier person in the relationship is a great way to help them deal with this fear. Honesty is important as well as your intentions...even if you are completely unsure of where it will lead you.

 

My Best,

Susan R?

 

 

 

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Thank you everyone for your supportive and kind words.

I came out to her yesterday. I went so much better than I imagined. She was curious about it and understanding. She is very supportive and wants what is best for me. So everything went well ?

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12 hours ago, Natalie99 said:

So everything went well ?

Wow, Incredible...can’t ask for more than that! I’m so happy for you!

 

Hugs,

Susan R?

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