Bad experiences when coming out in a general LGBT dating forum

[JMG]

Hello, I told a trans woman in a dating forum about my issues, I also told about my fears and that I have suppressed my transsexuality a several times and I dared not to leave my house dressed in women clothes because I fear the reaction of my neighbours. I really had expected some support but she told me first that she had not bothered looking for transgender therapeuts for her own issues, and then she hinted that I would not be a "true transgender" if I did not dare leaving my house and live out my female identity dressed in women's clothes. High heels were important according to her as well. Then she told a story about a very female person who had dressed as a woman once and then regretted it, and that they got rejected by the doctors when they tried to get help. This person that she told about also had several "waves" of transgender symptoms but was also suffering from alhoholism. It hurt me a lot hearing such a story from someone I really believed would be supportive. But I could also read in her blogs on the dating page that she had  "went adult places" and she had lots of photos and fan-groups about herself. She also had a "logged-in" status saying "I love wine and men". This answer to me was really hurtsome and she called that person she mentioned a "super-sissy". I suspect there is a "red flag" about this, but how should I do? I responded that I don't think doctors can just "reject" trans patients because the risk of suicide, and that both patients and doctors had to be agreed about it before the patients would leave the clinic with a "negative" on GD, and I also said that I could not judge anything based of her story. I also told her that it is not just to "lay all fears away". This can be a hard thing to do, the true self can be hidden under thick layers of self neglection built up during decades. She is not a psychologist, but she claims she is a health care assistant. My local LGBT association had recommended that site for talking about gender dysphoria issues. I also hate it when alcohol is involved in problems like this. I don't drink it myself either. I really feel unsure about that strange response. I for myself I am sure I am transgender, the fact that I havn't changed my closet yet cannot change that. What people are out there? Are there traps even in the LGBT+ community?

[Betty K]

5 hours ago, JMG said:

Are there traps even in the LGBT+ community?

 

Hi JMG, nice to meet you. In my opinion there are both helpful and unhelpful people everywhere, and the LGBTQ community is no different. I understand how hurtful and undermining it can be, especially if you are early in your journey, when someone denies and does not affirm your view of yourself. Recently I met a doctor who treated me similarly, and it really upset me. Ultimately though, if you know yourself, then those experiences make you stronger. Part of that strength will come from knowing, in future, who to trust and who not to trust, whether they are in the LGTBQ community or not. It will also come from having questioned yourself and come to the same conclusion repeatedly. In your case, since you sound quite sure of your identity, I don't think one unhelpful trans woman can really harm you. It's sad that people behave like that, but you know who you are. Who cares what she thinks?

[JMG]

Thanks for the great answers! When it comes to clothes, I love dresses, it's somewhere to start I guess? As for makeup, we have a store francise called Kicks whom aree very helpful.  I have tried asking this Mathilda Hogberg once before but she did not answer. I was using a "junk account" at Google which I use when I have to register to download freeware software like for instance Davinci Resolve. Perhaps it has been hit by some strange filter or something? However I am planning to set up a "real" Google account so I can start a proper Youtube channel because I have seen that trend and I would love to do videos. But I still don't know what I should call the channel because I look like a man still, I have just sent in the form to the university hospital which will start the treatment in 18 months or more. I could still definitely pass as gay because it was how I viewed myself all those years. Any ideas?

[Betty K]

Not sure about ideas for the name of your channel, but I have seen some inspiring videos of people's transitions which show them before and after, so it's never too early to start filming your journey!

 

And who doesn't love dresses?!

[JMG]

Well I see it is not easy to think about a channel name then, but what I wanna film is just vloging and other fun stuff, I got inspired by some 21 year old gay men with a look that could actually be rather androgyneous, but it's not about the looks but the content. I guess I got inspired by them because there was somethig my subconcious mind picked up, both me and them being non-binary and all. I already came up with some great ideas to film, but still what could the channel be called so far? I know the channel name can be changed and titles of videos too, afterwards, that is great. I have a friend though who got worried and warned me for trolls, I had to quote another Youtuber to her "If you ignore the trolls they will go away. Don't mention them because that's what they feed of". I also looked up some ideas, but still this is a big thing for me. But I wish to do it ?