I've been trying to get this started for 30 plus years

[Denise savulski]

I'm Denise, I'm 57 transgender  and I have tried 4 other times in 30 odd years to transition.  The first time I tried I was doing physical harm to myself and the doctors wanted to keep me in the hospital  under observation that was 34 years ago..

The one time I was going to start I got my first shot of estrogen and my therapist  went to Canada with a patient  who was getting bottom surgery. She said well continue when she came back. Well the patient  never made the surgery appointment  and it affected my therapist  to where she closed her therapy down this was 27 years ago.and if she didn't close her practice  I would be Denise full time.

Interesting thing was she proposed  an experiment  the surgeon she worked with about getting  the first uterus transplant done on a mtf transgender/transsexual and I volunteered  i was going to try it .the success rate was against me but it was worth trying .

Well since that  time I made myself so busy that I didn't think about transition again.id have dreams while sleeping but none when I was awake. 

So that brings me to 3 years ago. My wife and daughter bought a bigger house because my sister inlaw with 3 kids lost their home and my wife and daughter  did what you do for family. Well I was a second thought at that time and I lost my full time job and Denise came back.I sought out a therapist  and she got me to talk about my issues and she did say she'd write my letter when it was time.Well my wife found out and got so upset I was told to make a choice. Well I'm still in male form but now I have a medical problem.

I went to my endocrinologist last week and my primary. My primary felt a swollen thyroid  and talked with my endo the endocrinologist is now sending me for an ultrasound. She felt the lump and asked it it hurt to swallow (yes) I've had heart burn for 8 months which I never had heartburn.im at the point I don't want to eat because it hurts.

Well after she made this ultrasound appointment  she asked me if I still wanted to transition and I told her yes.my blood work she said is at a females level and testosterone is just about non existent. So I'm waiting for the ultrasound  results and it looks like I'll finally be on my way to womenhood.

[Jackie C.]

Well, belated congratulations @Denise savulski! May your transition be everything you hoped for and more besides!

 

Hugs!

[Vanessa Michelle]

@Denise savulskiWelcome to the group ❤️

[Denise savulski]

Thank you ,the only regret is I didn't continue to transition  27 years ago ,I was already living as a women for a year when my therapist closed he practice after her patient committed suicide. 

And 27 years ago we didn't have as many therapist to see as we do today  .today though I feel trapped where I can't do what I can to make myself happy ,been married 21 year and when I got married  I met a woman who made me happy but since my full-time job made me unemployed I don't like myself 

[Susan R]

6 hours ago, Denise savulski said:

the only regret is I didn't continue to transition  27 years ago

Hi @Denise savulski, Welcome to our forum. It’s interesting how we all have such unique journeys. With some luck, we all hope to find a way to get where we need to be. You are finally on your way. I know it seems like you’ve wasted all those years but in reality, you’ve become a stronger woman because of it. You’ve overcome much in that time to get to where you are today. Look at the good things that happened during those 27 years that you may have missed if you had transitioned earlier.

 

In therapy, I came to terms with my not completing transition in my early 20’s but I have come to realize I would have missed all my blessings—my wonderful wife, three beautiful daughters and my priceless grandkids. As difficult as it is to focus on the positive, it does help to realize the timing of your life had a purpose and it’s that purpose made you who you are.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R?

[Ivy]

Welcome Denise

[gennee]

Congratulations on taking that first step. 

[Denise savulski]

On 3/14/2021 at 10:31 PM, Susan R said:

I do both. I bought a tiny spray bottle for home use. I change the (distilled) water in this daily. The first month after surgery, I used it religiously and it was like a portable bidet. Then as @VickySGV mentioned...”simply blotting myself with a wad of toilet paper right after taking a leak.” 

 

I always carry wet wipes in my purse for when I’m out and about which these days is not too often.

 

I also wear ‘pure cotton’ (my personal preference) pads during the day to keep the area dry. I was told by my surgeon...dryness promotes faster healing and reduces infection transmission. It’s been a few months now so I wear the smallest size pads at this point.

 

This is my regimen and I am very cautious, clean and try to avoid any chance of infections down there.

 

Susan R?

But how or where do I start i don't want to hurt anyone

[Susan R]

4 hours ago, Denise savulski said:

 

I do both. I bought a tiny spray bottle for home use. I change the (distilled) water in this daily. The first month after surgery, I used it religiously and it was like a portable bidet. Then as @VickySGV mentioned...”simply blotting myself with a wad of toilet paper right after taking a leak.”  

 

I always carry wet wipes in my purse for when I’m out and about which these days is not too often.

 

I also wear ‘pure cotton’ (my personal preference) pads during the day to keep the area dry. I was told by my surgeon...dryness promotes faster healing and reduces infection transmission. It’s been a few months now so I wear the smallest size pads at this point.

 

This is my regimen and I am very cautious, clean and try to avoid any chance of infections down there.

 

Susan R?

But how or where do I start i don't want to hurt anyone

 

I have to assume your referring to ‘transition in general’ and not my quote from 10 days before this thread was even started. Somehow it got inserted here by some system glitch into your post above.

 

If that’s the case then I’ll say...You have to accept the fact that you can’t please everyone with your choices. They are simply people out there that you will never convince that transition is the best choice for you. They may not be able to understand and they may become angry or hurt. You just try your best to live your life for you not the pleasure of others. You can start by making choices that affirm the true you.

 

My Best,

Susan R?

[Sheilasayan]

Welcome Denise glad you are on your way, i hope to be at that point some day too.

 

best of luck