Masculine Social Behavior

[Coconuts]

So I don't think that title made any sense, I'm really new to all this. I get really anxious about passing and something that brings me a lot of anxiety is hanging out with or talking with other guys. I had one or two guy friends growing up so I feel a lot of my little habits give me away. And I could also be overthinking this but for example, girls tend to take a buddy to the bathroom. I have no idea why, it just always was that way. So obviously, buddying up to go to the bathroom would be a little strange to other guys but what about just saying you're headed to the bathroom. This is where the overthinking comes into play. Do guys just get up and go without saying anything? Do they say "I'll be right back, I need to use the bathroom"? Are they oddly specific with it?

 

Basically I want to know if there are little habits men have when socializing that I'm unaware of because all my life I've been raised a girl surrounded by girls.

[tracy_j]

Welcome

 

The title made good sense to me so no problems!

 

I think (looking from the opposite direction) that I have observed how women behave for years so see what you are saying well. It is a feminine trait. In a way men perhap see less so maybe that is one thing to learn - ie to seem to be less observant? I say that as you will need to keep your wits about you and sense things, at least until you are relaxed and more confident. That said, the feminine trait of observation is a good one to keep these days. But make it less obvious?

 

From my experience men tend to mention when they are going although not usually as the formal "I'll be right back, I need to use the bathroom". It's more like - "I need the loo!" or "That coffee's gone straight through me", and just get up and go. Formaility like that is more for the visit to the in-laws. A 'just get up and go' happens more often in a noisy situation or if in a larger mixed crowd when such a statement may not be so ideal. It depends a bit on actual company but men do sometimes go at the same time as a friend too but only usually when both need to go, not just with their buddy for company (in that case he will usually wait outside, not go in). That is except maybe when discussing a girl, in a not disimilar way to women when they like to get private to discuss such things. I think that with a guy their sexuality is a sensitive thing so intimacy of any sort is a risky area. It does occur with really close friendship and trust but you will know someone well before then and know the boundaries. Men will tend to use slang terms far more but these do depend on company so what goes in your situation will probably differ to those here. It sometimes depends quite a bit on race and culture too. These days hugs between guys are far more common here but years ago it would have been an invitation to a brawl.

 

I suppose one point to make is that you should not appear too sensitive and just relax. Guys come in many forms but it is mainly the nervous ones who attract attention. The more confident you are the better.

 

Tracy

[DeeDee]

Hi @Coconuts BRB works as a statement for over 90% of social situations.

Any more detail than that will depend entirely on who you are out with and their average ages.

Honestly there are more unwritten social rules for inside the loo than out, but unless someone is with close friends/drunk then the no talking, no looking, no closeness if it can be avoided thing is actually true.

Disgustingly there are still plenty of guys that don't wash their hands, no one says anything just try not to touch the door after them.

Lots of guys only use the stalls, but you do not want to come out to the mirrors at the same times as the person who was in the one next to you. 

Here is a lighthearted but still pretty accurate video link on how men behave.

https://youtu.be/cr0ClHQC_pY

 

[Gabriel]

@Coconuts Welcome to the forums. Looking forward to knowing more about you.

And great question - I'm drinking in the info too.

 

[tracy_j]

23 hours ago, DeeDee said:

 BRB works as a statement for over 90% of social situations.

 

This is probably one of the times where age and culture comes into it as I had to look it up. When I found what the abreviation was for I understood and have heard it in the long form. It works as you say but it's not one I have commonly heard here. It would be acceptable though but, especially in older company, the unabreviated form may be better. Actually 'Back in a minute' is perhaps more regionally common here. As DeeDee says, age is relevant. Abreviations may be common among the younger population but, particularly with the older, may confuse and even attract attention.

 

It is interesting to read though. I wonder if my unease about bathroom visits (or even being in predominant male company) actually had a lot to do with my female side and behaviour. Not being gay (particularly) does make one avoid closeness in the bathroom but the main aspect I remember was more avoiding anyone looking dangerous than anything else. Things like converging when needing to use the mirrors (/ wash facilities) was more of an irritation about having to queue rather than anything else but it's true that the more likely silence in men's facilities likely gives a more menacing atmospere.

 

A good video DeeDee. The first part about the selection of urinal, I found particularly true. A point to note particularly when using the 'long trough' type as men will often almost tuck themselves into an end rather than stand perpendicular. Some of the later ones, I notice, although generally very true as taboos (and even a bit silly), I have commonly seen when someone is drunk so, to me, make good indicators of that. Some of the things are perhaps more a case of who and where. For instance the dropping (or generally just lowering not dropping) of pants to pee at the urinal is not unknown with the advent of clothing like unisex stretch jeans (or leggings) with no or short zipper are more common these days as menswear has changed. Not really applicable in the case of most pre-op  FTM though, but I mention it as showing how things do change.

 

Tracy

[Charlize]

Welcome Coconuts.  As to your questions i remember so many variations depending on social company and pressures.  When i was in construction semi dirty bro outright filthy statements were made.  In polite company a "be right back" was just fine.  

Perhaps the best thing to to try to relax and not worry.  It seems when the need presses the words will come to you.

Fitting in isn't as important as finding relief.?

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[KayC]

You might try "Gonna see a man about a horse".. ? (you might want to Google that)

Hi @Coconuts!  nice to meet you and Welcome!
Even as AMAB I have always found male restroom habits a bit bizarre.  I think most men don't want to purposely share bathroom/urinal time together.  So any notification is almost like a warning .. "please don't follow me into the restroom".
Urinal etiquette is definite must.  If in doubt just use the stall (extra grunting encouraged).

 

If you are in there with an acquaintance then idle chit chat is the norm.  But if its just a stranger standing next to you, no eye contact, look straight down or at the wall, get in, finish your bizness, and get out. 

I'm just being a bit cheeky, but just be yourself.  That's all you really need to know ?

 

[Jackie C.]

Honestly, guys can go into excruciating detail about what they're about to be up to in the bathroom. It's acceptable to come right out and say, "Woah, that Taco Bell went right through me, don't wait up," before sprinting to the bathroom. Other options can include, "I have to take a wicked piss," or, "Jesus I need to go take a dump." Some guys will even give you a play-by-play when they come back.

 

The point being that men aren't afraid to be gross and it's socially acceptable to share every detail when you're surrounded by other men. This behavior is toned down a little in mixed company, but among guys it's anything goes.

 

Hugs!

[GraceH]

On 4/1/2021 at 7:25 AM, Charlize said:

When i was in construction semi dirty bro outright filthy statements were made.

Yea, but that's to deflect or avoid any type of intimacy and affirm that you are not gay (or are too tough to mess with).  Basically avoid any hint of any type of intimacy or interest or conversation.   Any conversation should be minimal and factual and only if necessary.  Like, if someone were bleeding out, you could say, "Poor sod, did anybody call an ambulance?"  Otherwise, let it go.  If it's someone from your building who you see in the hall twice a week, then "Hey" and a nod might be OK.  Don't strike up a conversation in the restroom unless it's someone you know well and you're just continuing a work conversation as if you were standing in the office, totally ignoring the fact that you are in the restroom having a conversation.

 

re: what jackie was saying above -- my take is the gross comments are about avoiding any kind of real intimacy -- intimacy with other men is what is verboten, restroom is forced physical intimacy -- You figure out the rest.

 

--Grace--