Came out to my wife

[Denise savulski]

I came out to my wife 2 years ago and I felt so guilty that I put Denise away but a month and a half ago Denise made her appearance to myself and I really want to be Denise full-time  but I don't want to hurt my wife.i don't know what to do.i keep having anxiety attacks ,I can't sleep .I fall asleep but I'm up in less than an hour and I'm up the rest of the night..

My friends are ok with it my work  is ok with me transitioning  just my wife and her family don't want to deal with me....I feel mostly alone in my own house as it is..

[Carolyn Marie]

I totally understand where you're coming from, Denise.  I was where you are not so long ago.  There is, sadly, no way to accomplish both, and you will have to make a choice at some point.  If you can see a gender therapist it might help, but there are no guarantees.  Wanting and needing to transition involves tough, sometimes terrible choices.  It is a demon we all face, those of us with spouses and families.  Sometimes it turns out better than we dared hope.  It did for me, and for others here.  But for many others it turns out badly.  I offer a virtual hug, and wish you all the best.

 

(((HUGS)))

 

Carolyn Marie

[Confused1]

Denise, I second what Carolyn said. One year ago when I came out to my wife, I wasn't sure I would be married long. The last year has been hard, but she is now my greatest supporter. Sometimes it goes the other way. Sometimes your fear is worse than what happens. If you haven't seen a gender therapist, I would also recommend it.

 

Hugs,

Mike

[sineadh]

I came out to my wife. The reaction was very upsetting. Not exactly as I had envisioned. Well I am out. There is a cascade of emotions. From emotional guilt & pain to elation. Too many to list. The best feeling is of my inner self, my true self finally being acknowledged. The real me being free. I can now see how truly difficult this path is going to be. I am strong. 50 years of hiding & repression have taught me well. It feels so wonderful, so satisfying to release my true self. Why would I want to go back to the guilt, pain, and detachment. The more I see her (me) the happier I am. I am beautiful on the inside. She is beautiful on the outside.

[Melissa Mazurek]

Seineadh,

 

Our transgender identity is just a difficult reality.  Yes, there is a sense of relief on one hand after you come out because what you have kept in a bottle for so long is finally out--like the RUSH album titled "Grace Under Pressure."  That is what we are until the pressure becomes too much, and our emotional and physical well-being begins to breakdown.  Some of us become irritable messes, depressed, etc.  Coming out helps release some of this pressure.  You are courageous and brave....give yourself time, patience, LOVE, and space....hugs, Melissa.

[Heather Shay]

@Denise savulski I hope you are seeing a therapist with background in gender identity. It is a major help. I've experienced all the symptoms you've expressed and be assured - no one can know how you are feeling but I understand and hope you have someone in the therapy field to help you. It is frightening but know you have us to converse with and you can always message me and I promise to respond as quickly as I see the post when I'm on and I'm on every day.

Hugs and breathe and be good to yourself, you deserve it,

Heather Shay

[Denise savulski]

Thank you everyone  im just starting with a therapist again last one was 30 years ago. And I was living fulltime but for reasons I've stated before I went back in the closet .back then I didn't have anything to lose but now I've got everything  to lose. And thats why I'm having  trouble with this..ill keep everyone posted 

[Melissa Mazurek]

Denise,

 

I hope therapy is as good for you as it has been for me.  It takes a lot of courage to open up with a complete stranger about the most intimate details of our lives.  The good thing is that therapists today, even those who do not specialize in transgender patients at least have a lot of familiarity with the issues some of us face.  And those who specialize in transgender patients largely know exactly what is going on, which is a blessing.  When I first saw a counselor 30 years ago at age 19, I just wanted to be 'cured' from my GD.  I only had counseling for about 3 months, which, in retrospect was not enough, but at least it put me on a path toward self understanding and exploration.  The first step in all of this is recognizing you love yourself to seek help.  Love is the most important thing we can give and receive, and seeking therapy is a positive thing....hugs.

[Denise savulski]

Melissa, thank you and 30 years ago I had a very good therapist  I was going to her every Sunday and I drove 4 hours to get there. I was living fulltime by the time I went to her. It was her specialty and she accompanied her patients to Canada for surgery. Unfortunately she closed her practice  suddenly and I was without a therapist/shrink.otherwise I would have transitioned 30 years ago.so hopefully my new therapist will be by my side....so to speak