The best point in transition to come out at work

[VintageNat]

Hi again all, 

 

Things are moving along for me, I’ve been assessed by a private clinic and they’re writing to my doctor to prescribe HRT. So far my wife is hanging in there with me, and seems to be reaching some form of acceptance, so now my focus is trying to work out a timetable for the future.

 

I’ve just started a new job with a relatively young company and I’ve been somewhat overwhelmed. Because the company is so young, they only have some basic policies in place. The policies basically say “we will comply with UK law” i.e. we can’t discriminate against any of the protected characteristics which includes “gender reassignment”. It’s bare minimum rather than a message of trying to be ultra-inclusive. 

 

The building is new and has some very transgender friendly toilets, which I take as a good sign, however the lack of some policies are worrying me. During my first week, someone mentioned to me (completely out of the blue) that we previously had a trans-woman at the company who was one of the senior leadership team. According to her LinkedIn she was there for over a year. I did think that this was a positive that the company had experience with transgender people, however when I found out that she was only working there for just over a year just leaves me worrying that she faced too much discrimination and had to move on. She had transitioned before starting with my current employer though. I thought about trying to contact her through LinkedIn or something, but she doesn’t mention anything about being transgender or supporting those who are transgender anywhere on public profiles, so I kinda get the impression that she’s transitioned and moved on and doesn’t want to discuss it or be involved with the community which I have no issues with, but it leaves me obsessing over why she moved on now.

 

I have a 3 month probationary period, which during, they basically can get rid of me for any reason, up to and including “not fitting in”. I’m thinking that I should probably say nothing until that period is successfully completed, but at the same time I’m concerned that hormones may be lighting a fuse on coming out at work.

 

I’m only really concerned about getting fired. If a few people want to make snide comments, that’s not ideal but I’m not going to be upset by that vs how great I know it will feel to be able to be out in public, and at work every day. I need to keep my job though because it seems we can’t count on our healthcare system in the UK to help us, so I’m going to need to privately fund my transition.

 

One thing I didn’t know, was that we’re going to be involved in some very high profile press events in a couple of months. Possibly even the prime minister visiting. Everyone is super concerned over making sure everything looks perfect, including having the main staircase and boardroom ceiling rebuilt because they weren’t happy with the fit and finish of them. I’m really worried that they’re going to get rid of me because I’m different if I come out to them.

 

Does anyone have any suggestions of how to approach this? I have no idea how fast things will move once on hormones, and that it’s impossible to predict how I’ll react to them, but I do know that I don’t really want to delay starting on them.

[tracy_j]

My view here is that you are on three months trial for you to learn the job and find if you accept it as well as for the company to see if you are suitable. The 'fitting in' bit is more that you get on with the rest of the workforce such that you work in a team. Really the trans issue is not really relevant if it does not affect you directly in your ability to do the job in a team. In principle, at least, I see no disabilitating problem which would stop you doing your job or getting on with people. I am assuming here that gender is not likely to be a problem (as it would be with say someone who needed to be intimate with the opposite gender). As you have not said anything before accepting the job it may not be prudent to mention it now as they may start wondering if there is anything else you didn't mention as well. If your gender is not an issue with the job then they cannot fire you because of it, but not mentionioning it, for me, would mean creeping it in slowly as you go (and maybe not too much within the three months).

 

I would carry on at this point and learn what you need to. Get a feel for the situation, but don't worry too much. You will get the feel of the place and know more about when to speak.

 

If the company is worth working for you will find out and they will be accepting. In pure business terms they have nothing to lose and may gain a lot by acceptance. They are treading a tricky path if they did discriminate.

 

Just a few thoughts but my main one would be not to panic and do the job.

 

Tracy

[Carolyn Marie]

Amy Jane, I first want to congratulate you on your progress getting approval for HRT, and for the fact that your wife is starting to accept your transition.

 

I think that you are worrying excessively over what might happen, which is an entirely normal thing to go through.  I went through months of nightmares and panic over every aspect of my workplace transition, so I don't blame you for being anxious.

 

You need not worry over showing evidence of your hormones within the next three months.  Changes almost never become visible that fast.  I had no trouble hiding what I needed to hide for almost a year after starting HRT.  Secondly, if you work well and hard and do the job they ask you to do, I see no reason why they would fire you even if there was a rumor started.  I agree with @tracy_jthat coming out now would not be wise.  Wait for at least six months if you can.  By then, perhaps they will have more specific policies in place, and you'll know how things work and get a feel for the attitude of your supervisors and whom to trust.

 

Wishing you all the best.

 

Carolyn Marie

[VintageNat]

Thanks both of you. It’s great to get a second opinion, especially from those who might have had to deal with these things before. 

 

I feel like I can definitely do the job and show value to the business, so I’ll keep my head down and do that whilst starting HRT and see where we go in a few months.

[Niamh]

On 5/8/2021 at 1:52 PM, AmyJane said:

 

One thing I didn’t know, was that we’re going to be involved in some very high profile press events in a couple of months. Possibly even the prime minister visiting. Everyone is super concerned over making sure everything looks perfect, including having the main staircase and boardroom ceiling rebuilt because they weren’t happy with the fit and finish of them. I’m really worried that they’re going to get rid of me because I’m different if I come out to them.

If anything this could truly work in your favour. If the company are so worried about their image that they are undertaking major refurbishments of their offices, just imagine their horror if you were to say something that made it into the press about discrimination at this company. 

 

I could almost detect an element of glee when I approached the HR department with my employer to inform them that I was transgender. It means that I could be added as another positive statistic concerning meeting their diversity targets!

[VintageNat]

19 hours ago, Niamh said:

If anything this could truly work in your favour. If the company are so worried about their image that they are undertaking major refurbishments of their offices, just imagine their horror if you were to say something that made it into the press about discrimination at this company. 

 

I could almost detect an element of glee when I approached the HR department with my employer to inform them that I was transgender. It means that I could be added as another positive statistic concerning meeting their diversity targets!

 

You make some very good points. I’m not sure how this will affect the gender pay gap analysis too...probably favourably if they change what they report me as.

[Kiera]

22 hours ago, AmyJane said:

 . . the gender pay gap analysis too...probably favourably if they change what they report me as.

@AmyJane'methinks you fret too much people will only notice what you choose to project. HRT is one thing but are you going to style your long hair *femme* and paint your nails red? Have never had someone accuse me of 'aving "breasts" even when German onwer/boss lady regularly gives me *hugs*, not so surreptitiously checking for that bra back strap, and I seldom disappoint! 

 

Everyone may KNOW but it will rarely be discussed, perhaps only in jest? Can tell many stories but "transition" can be best way of knowing whether they really like you & the job your doing or not! Just take it slow, THEY need time to "adjust" as well!