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Wonderful night

Becoming Jordan

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Becoming Jordan

I will have to update tomorrow since im about to lay down. But this girl is going to be sleeping with a giant smile and im gonna be having some very nice dreams. Good night yall and sweet dreams 

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It sounds like you had a great night!  Keep smiling on this new day!





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Becoming Jordan

Last night my mother called on her way home from the cities. Its a hour and a half drive. I decided to seize the moment and finally  come out to her. The first words out of her mouth was "i will love you no matter what. I will always be there for you. I started crying. Happy tears. I was crying off and on the whole conversation. Things couldnt have gone better.  

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Delcina B

That is wonderfully beautiful Jordan! I'm happy for you. Your mother is so awesome.




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    • Torrence Kieran
      Preface of saying: I experienced things like dysphoria and euphoria before this event starting at around 2nd grade. This took place in 6th.   This is an essay I wrote about it in 9th grade:     Panic is an understatement. Panic is the feeling when you’ve forgotten to turn in a homework assignment, or to do a project. This was stronger than panic. This was horror. Not the horror of sitting down to watch a scary movie, no, this horror is when you realize you are living in the movie. The moment when your world gets thrown topsy-turvy, dumping every last bit of comfort into an abyss that it can never be recovered from. The type of fear, horror, panic when you lose control. The moment when you find yourself curled up in a corner of your mind, because you don’t know what just happened. You feel the wound so deep you can’t admit to the pain or to being anything other than what you were before. It’s being pushed of a ledge before you were ready to leap. If you don’t know that feeling you should stop reading now. You won’t understand, and none of this will help protect you from it.   Sometimes I feel I shouldn’t be as trusting because of the experience, but I don’t feel anger anymore at what happened, just a dull ache of sadness. It still scares me yes, but I forgave them for what happened. It was a normal day. Probably a weekend... details like that were never that important to me. All I know is I had free time and wanted to invite a friend over. Most of my normal friends I invited over were busy, so I decided to invite someone who I’d known for a bit, let’s call him Noah, and his brother over to play video games. My mom was home, so I expected it to go over like any other play date. I was 11, I believe, at the time. My excitement was suffocating. To be honest, I liked Noah, a lot. He was my first big crush, and I trusted him. We   were the same religion so I assumed we shared standards and it would be fun, I even thought that by inviting his little brother I was protected as protected got.   Our house is a small rental home on Woods Chapel with a main floor and a basement. It’s an odd mustard yellow color with crumbling cookies for bricks and peeling wood paneling. A large tree stands in the front yard with branches precariously close to breaking. This had been my domain for a few short years, the safest and most protected place I could be at any time. I didn’t understand greed then, frankly I still don’t understand it that well. This was to be my first exposure to it. They arrived a few minutes later. His mother is a pleasant lady, tall with olive skin and laughing eyes. I liked being around her. She dropped them off, and then was gone. My mom sat at the poorly varnished kitchen table, I don’t know what she was working on, it was something that didn’t matter on this glorious day. I was overjoyed as I put in a racing game, that for copyright reasons I’m going to call Speed Demon. We only had two controllers, so only two of us were playing at a time. That went along for a bit and was fine. We laughed and joked, then we decided to switch to an active game in which only one of us could play at a time. I was sitting on the worn crimson sofa, still happy. Noah sat next to me as his brother began his turn.   At this point my play date went snowballing downhill. I remember the feelings. Pain, hurt, fear, but mostly, confusion. I didn’t know what was happening. This was the turning point for me, the difference between childhood innocence and knowing more than you ever wanted to know. He might as well as stabbed me in the back as what he did do. A part of me did die that day, but I don’t know what part it is yet.   Writing this is like trying to break through an iron wall. The world doesn’t have words to describe this. There is nothing like this feeling, and you can’t even begin to understand it until you feel it. I’ve never talked about it, the only other person who really knows it happened is my   mom, and I don’t need my friends to pity me. I don’t need people’s pity. Pity is what happens when someone admits they’re weak and need others to help them feel strong. I still feel strong. I don’t need pity.   Noah reached across from his seat, around my back. Strangely, I remember the shirt I was wearing. It was mint green, faded with the writing cracking off. It was at least one size to big, probably my sisters, and fairly simple in design. His hand stopped once it reached back around to the front and closed. It hurt, a lot. My mom didn’t see what happened, and I was too terrified to try and fight back. I was so confused, like a child who’s first pet had just died. I didn’t understand. I wanted to get away, but I didn’t know how.   Recently my mom talked to me about the third option from fight or flight. There is a third one, freeze. This is how I react to panic, confusion, and fear. Maybe if I responded with fight or flight, I would have a very different story to tell you, but I didn’t fight, I froze.   I couldn’t wait for his turn. He took his turn, and my mom sent me down to do laundry. Safe, I remember thinking. Thinking he wouldn’t follow me down into our basement, this was the second time I would be wrong. He came down the carpeted stairs, following me into the laundry room. I wanted to scream. I wanted the nightmare to end. To wake up and discover it was all just a bad dream. I tried to act normal, picking up the soaking clothes and moving them to the dryer. Why did it hurt so bad? Why was he hurting me? Why couldn’t he see I was scared, and in pain? Why couldn’t he just let go? Somehow, I finished moving the laundry, and started the dryer. We headed back upstairs. We. I wanted him to go! I wanted him gone!   We got back up and sat down on the couch. I picked up a small black DVD case and tried to use it as a barrier, then I tried hugging it to my chest. I’ve always been on the physically weak end of the scale, he quickly got it out of his way whispering to me, “Calm down. Just calm   down.” Calm? He wanted me to be calm? This man who had taken away my control wanted me to relax under his will? I looked up from my spot on the couch, hoping my mom would be looking up this time. At first, she wasn’t, then she met my eyes, taking it all in in a split second. “Mr. [Noah], I’m gonna need a little bit more space between you and my daughter.” She stated in a voice that managed to be both commanding, and kind. He backed away, and I moved to sitting on the floor.   I wish I could explain it all to his brother. He was so young and vulnerable, I don’t want him to think his brother is a monster. Noah isn’t a bad person, he’s just misguided. Sadly, his mistake ruined a friendship and carefully built trust. I wish it hadn’t happened, but I do believe I’m wiser because it did happen.   My mom hugged me tight after he left. Promising to call his mom, hoping it was just growing, and not realizing you can’t play with little girls in the same way you do with older girls. At the time I thought that was seriously what she believed happened. That she believed he had simple been roughhousing or play wrestling. I didn’t have the heart to tell her I believed it was something else, so I simply nodded, agreeing. Now, I know she knew exactly what had happened there and was hoping to protect me. I’m grateful for her effort to protect me. It took me a couple years to understand what made him do what he did. To understand that some people give into a desire that corrupts them, causing them to take advantage of others. Everyone could be subject to it. It doesn’t discriminate race, age, gender, or sexual orientation, it could be any of us who fall into its sick grasp.   In the end, it happened. There’s nothing more to this story. No big moral, no huge meaning for the rest of the world. Just something that happened to a kid in Blue Springs, Missouri. It could be any child. Any house, any “Noah”. It’s simply a memory.  
    • Kasumi63
      LOL. Thank you again, everyone, for all the sweet comments!  I’m on cloud nine (assuming that’s the right number)!
    • Kasumi63
      I just saw this movie! Loved it!
    • AmberM
      I think it came down to there was thing one thing that kept popping up that I new needed attention, and was harming me. So that is when I decided to start talking to my therapist about gender and asked the question of myself and to her, am I transgender. From there it has been a journey of self-discovery into who the real me is. I have historically dealt with pretty bad depression, and still combat social anxiety. The depression has become better, and the social anxiety has kind of gotten worse. Just learning though how to manage the social anxiety is becoming key. I am hoping my depression cycle this year that hits October won’t be as bad.  
    • AmberM
      The most interesting non-famous person I have met is honestly my paternal grandmother. She grew up in Columbus, helping take care of her siblings, but also cousins growing up. She took the bus from Dublin to downtown Columbus as a nurse and worked at Grant Hospital for a period of time. When she met my grandfather, they eventually both joined the American Red Cross. They lived a great many places as my grandfather work as a base liaison and she joined as nurse. They were stationed a great many places, from Maine, to Germany, to Panama. Eventually they set some roots down near Fort Lee in Virginia. She would occasionally be requested to go work up in Washington, DC. One of those times, she actually ended up doing a blood donation from Jimmy Carter. One of the other interesting things is because they have lived all around the world, during Christmas time, they decorate the house head to toe, with 9 Christmas Trees and they are up to 4 Christmas villages. Prior to COVID, they would throw parties, and admission was a donation of food to the food pantry.   With living this interesting life though, unfortunately she is now battling dementia, which is winning. I know she has lived a full life full of adventure and rewards. This is just her story.  
    • unknown
      self harm is self harm no matter what how it is inflicted. I used to cut and how I was able to stop was seeing a therapist and learning new coping strategies. It will take time and don't expect overnight results. the reasons you give for bruising yourself are the same reasons I used to cut for, to relive the emotions i didn't have to coping skills to deal with.  please seek help for this. it was a long road for me but it was worth it.
    • Jackie C.
      I always channeled them into art.   Hugs!
    • Shay
      @Red_Lauren. I love hearing about good memories thank you.   @Petra Jane what a refreshing and inspiring story. I am so glad you recovered and prospered from the meeting of another kind person.
    • Jackie C.
      And I'm usually just listening to my own pandora feed, but WNIC has some of the same music so that's where the radio's at. They're more mainstream, but they gotta sell ads.   Hugs!  
    • Shay
      Ok I used to listen to CKLW and Byron Macgregor. And my favorite FM station was WABX. They used to play LedZeppelin II full side.
    • Willow
      Good Sunday morning y’all    @KymmieL I had a Ranger in the nineties 2x4 long bed stick.  I enjoyed driving that.  But I lived where traffic jams were commonplace.  I also had a bad left knee.  My doc said no more clutch.  It was replaced by a Ford E150 conversion van.  Like driving your living room down the highway. Came in great for going to Florida to get our son in college.  Then came my first Jeep.  It was a Liberty.    we lived on a steep hill at the time.  One winter we had a pretty bad snow.  Now most of my neighbors had a 4x4 something Broncos, Toyota’s didn’t matter everyone  knew if you wanted to get up the hill in the snow you had to have one.  My son called me, he was stuck on the main road and the snow plow was coming. Could I try to pull him out.  I got in my Jeep,backed out on the hill and drove off.  Everyone of my neighbors just stared.  I got to him hooked up and started pulling. After we got home he tells me he forgot to take off his parking brake.  So nothing stopped that Jeep. And this one has the same transfer case and even better anti spin differentials. Not the Dodge setup they use in all the other Jeep badged Rams.  So while I like Fords, (my beater is an Explorer Eddie Bauer)! Nothing beats a Jeep unless it’s highly modified.   This one is named Tweetie.  I’m guessing that’s strike three, eh girlfriend? 🥰   hugs   Willow
    • Petra Jane
      Unfortunately, I am now unable to remember very clearly those famous people I have met, I know I met some of the Grumblweeds (a UK band in the 80’s), local personalities but the person who made the most lasting impression on me was the team leader of the Stoke team when I was hospitalised following a couple of strokes. she helped me come to terms with the way my life changed, having survived two strokes, her words, survived the weekend when the nurses didn’t think I was going to make it, and giving me the support I needed to not just survive but improve my life and my health afterwards. It was a delight to be able to return a few years later, meet her, and thank her for her support, and to be honest, show how much improved I was from the day I was discharged.
    • Teri Anne
      Love thrift stores and you never know what you will find. I collect military jackets and BDUs and I found a slant pocket insect repellent combat shirt. The pattern is more a woodland camo style. Need to do a bit of research into what branch wore the style of shirt.
    • Red_Lauren.
      Not really famous, but locally famous. I know a few local djs at a some what personal level. From when I worked in radio.    I also got to meet one of our local news anchors when I was a bouncer, and it didn't click who she was till I asked for a id. She was super nice, and we chatted for a few minutes. As I was getting her a voucher for a free ride home. A few days later. I was walking in to the gym as she was leaving, and she looked at me like she has seen me before. 
    • KymmieL
      WLLZ was 98.7 last I heard it was jazz in the early 90s. RIF has gone modern junk. I didn't know WNIC was still around. When I was feeling mellow, I would turn on pillow talk. for the slow romantic songs that I never got to dance to. I have WCSX bookmarked to listen to sometimes. They are a lot better than the canned crap we have here.  Then again that is why I have satellite radio in my Ranger and my wagon.   Kymmie
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